New Thing # 52

Date:- 31st December 2009
New Thing:- Try Mikado

So it's 8pm on new year's eve when I remember that I've only done 51 of my 52 New Things. I think for a while about what to do, and since Neil won't have a how-many-M&Ms-can-you-fit-in-your-mouth competition with me, I dash over to Tesco to find a food I've never tried before. I end up with this.



It's just milk chocolate on very skinny crispy fingers, but they reminded me of the Pocky my Role Playing friends used to eat, and I've never had them, so I got some. I brought them home, opened the box, took out the foil packet, scissored it open and promptly chopped the little crispy ends off.



Anyone else hearing the word "doh"? But they were yummy anyway.

And.... 52 New Things complete! I realised after I'd munched some of the Mikado, that actually completing a New Year's resolution could have been my 52nd one. I've never done it before. I'm ridiculously chuffed with myself.

I'm going to continue the New Things in 2010, but with a twist. I'm going to do a challenge per week. For each challenge I complete I put £5 in a savings account to spend at the end of the year, and if I fail a challenge I donate £5 to charity. The first challenge is to ask 15 people what one film I should definitely see before I die, and to watch all fifteen in the week. I already have a few, but if anyone is still reading and wants to suggest something, feel free.

And so 2009 comes to an end....

It's here. New Year's Eve 2009. And jesus did it take it's time getting here. It's been a hell of a year. All kinds of good and bad results from it too. Despite spending four whole months being miserable in another country, the first thing that comes to mind from 2009 is getting back with Neil. Getting back with him and still successfully being with him. And he's been wonderful. We still have issues, but then most couples do. We're learning how to cope with each other's foibles, and we're doing okay. Hopefully we'll keep doing okay too. I love him very very much, in case you didn't already know.

But 2009 hasn't just been about Neil. It's been about struggling through university, and eventually making the decision to drop out. It's been about finding new books and new tv shows to follow. It's been about getting more tattoos. It's been about joining Ravelry and doing a million swaps - the best way to get fun post ever. It's been about losing friends and making friends. It's been about ridiculously bad financial decisions. It's been about coping with my depression better than other years, in some ways. It's been about still having writer's block but gathering the energy to do something about it. It's been about adding more crafts to my repertoire. And most significantly, I guess, it's been about the completion of a life long dream.

Ever since I can remember I've wanted to go to school in America. Those who know me know of my ever-so-mild obsession with the USA, and when I was very young I wanted to go to Kindergarten out there, then I wanted to go to junior high, then I wanted to go to high school, then I wanted to go to college. This year I got to attend an American university for four months. It was quite literally a dream come true. It wasn't quite what I expected though. I'm very glad I went, but I'm also very glad it's over. It was an interesting experience, and I don't regret going, but I did spend most of my time wishing I was back at home.

The educational part of the trip was kind of interesting - particularly Libby's History of Maine course - but most of it was boring as hell and made me realise how boring my degree course is in general. I love studying, but I've come to develop a minor hatred for the Humanities. I don't like having definite answers. I've been doing little minor maths courses online, and it's so nice to have a definite wrong or right answer. You don't have that in Humanities, and it's frustrating as hell. While I was in America I realised that I didn't want to continue with my degree course, and I made the decision to drop out of university. This decision has been recieved by friends and family in varying degrees of horror and disapproval, but I don't really care. It's my decision. And it's not like I'm planning to spend the next year doing nowt but sleeping (there will be a later post for my plans).

I didn't make friends very well in America, and this greatly affected my enjoyment out there. I did a lot of things alone, like my trip to Boston and New York, and my random travels on buses. I did make two wonderful friends though, who did marvellous things for me and helped me out immensely and I can't imagine how I'd have felt about my trip if those two hadn't been there.

I'm beginning to ramble a bit. My point is this: I'm very glad I went, there were lots of fun times, eventually I'll forget the bad stuff, I don't regret going but I'm glad it was over. It was a chance in a lifetime and I will never attempt to talk anyone out of doing the same thing, but I am very very glad to be home. Plus, after all that palaver at the airport and coming home, I'm slightly less enamoured with America as I used to be.

In a few hours it'll be a whole new year and (for those who aren't pedants) a whole new decade. I have my resolutions, I have my plans. I'll write another post about those. Maybe tonight, but possibly not. Since my Neil is here and we plan to see in the New Year eating chocolate ice cream and being nerdy and "sorting out the post."

Have a great night bloggers, and see you next year!

Meet Tippi



Tippi is my new kitten. She was born on September 28th 2009 along with her brothers Cheese and Crackers. She is named for the tiny white tip on the end of her tail.



(The zombie is my mother, with whom Tippi will be living until I move.)

New Thing # 51

Date:- 23rd December 2009
New Thing:- Travel in First/Business Class

So after all the palaver with Delta Airlines, I ended up in a Business class seat for my trip home from America. Which was kinda cool. The chances of me being able to afford a business class seat on my at any point in my life are highly slim, so I took advantage.

I used the Sky Club lounge in the airport - eventually. I knew it was there, and I knew I was allowed to go in there, but I felt completely unworthy and it took me hours to go in. I was in the airport most of the day because checkout at the hostel was at 11am and my flight didn't leave until 7pm, but I had nothing else to do all day. The business class check in had me through and past security within a couple of minutes and I spent the rest of the day hanging out in the departure lounge. And eventually I plucked up the courage to go into the Sky Club. It was pretty fancy, I felt completely out of place, and the food they provided wasn't actually that great, but it was quiet and kept me occupied for a few hours.

The flight was fun though. We got to board first, naturally, and the seats were huge!



I had a seat to myself by the window, which was kinda cool :-) Plus, once we'd boarded all the peasants had to walk past us to their seats. Hahaha!



Not only did they see how wonderful our seats were, but they saw us drinking our free orange juice and champagne, from actual glass. Not plastic cups, but actual glasses.




Sidenote - I still don't like champagne, but it was free. Once the flight was under way we were given hot flannels - I'm not entirely sure what for, but they were a LOT hotter than I was expecting - and a bowl of delicious hot mixed nuts. An hour or so into the flight we had some absolutely incredible food.



That's only the first course. Seasoned shrimp with avocado and salsa rosa, tomato florentine soup, romaine hearts with tomato and blue cheese. Please note the teeny tiny individual salt and pepper pots.



And that is fillet of beef (which was delicious!) with grain mustard sauce, accompanied by sweet potato wedges, zucchini and yellow squash.



Finished off with an all natural vanilla ice cream sundae with hot fudge sauce, whipped cream and chopped nuts, garnished with a pirouline cookie. So good I had two :D

After dinner I watched a movie or two, then tried to sleep for a bit. The seats moved flat out into beds, but when it was flat I couldn't stop giggling, so I ended up just a little reclined. I only managed to get a couple of hours sleep though, as the personal entertainment system was far far too appealing. Breakfast wasn't quite so good. Muesli with strawberries, yogurt, fresh fruit and bagels. But then I'm not much of a morning person anyway.

Generally, I enjoyed the flight. I'm glad I got to experience business class, especially since I didn't have to pay for it, but I think I would rather have arrived home when I'd originally planned. Still, that beef was absolutely melt-in-your-mouth-scrumptious.

A small detour

I had planned today to blog about my 51st new thing, and about getting home from America, and a round up of my trip out there and of 2009, and about my plans for 2010. And I am going to do those blogs, but first I'm going to rant a little bit. I'm going to do this because I feel utterly lousy and because this blog is my journal, as public as it is, and this is where I rant about feeling lousy.

I arrived back at my home in Stoke yesterday. After being stuck in a car for three hours with a man I can't stand. A family friend who drives me completely insane. Absolutely everything about this man annoys me and irritates me. I hate him, with a fierce passion. Years ago I sent him a nice long letter telling him exactly what I thought of him - in no uncertain times. A few days after I sent him this letter he showed up at my door and told me that he knew I was having trouble with my depression and that he knew I didn't mean it and that he forgave me. I never asked for his sodding forgiveness, and I meant every single word. He didn't listen. So since then I've been using him. He brings my sister up to see me, and he takes me down to see my family on occasion. As soon as my mum decides that my sister is old enough to get the train on her own, I'm going to write another letter to this man, one that begins with the words "This is not my depression talking."

On the way back to Stoke, I was texting Neil to arrange him arriving at the same time. I'd been counting down the days til I could see him for months. I've missed him like crazy. But he got ill, and didn't come down yesterday. And he's not down today. So the day that I had planned to fall asleep in my boyfriend's arms and sleep soundly and safe, I spent being annoyed by that family friend and being curled up alone in my bed crying.

On top of that, there has been an issue with my baby sister and my mum. I won't get into it, but it's a longterm issue my sister has been having, and my mum has been having trouble coping. And I can't do anything to help. I feel utterly helpless and terrified and there's nothing I can do except sit here and cry.

Today I have my usual headache, and I'm sat on my bed looking out at all the bags of stuff I need to unpack and sort out. And I don't want to unpack. I want to pack up everything else in my room and leave. Before I left for America I wrote a blog or two about things I hated about living in shared accommodation. That still stands. I came home yesterday and the house is a complete mess. The bathroom has no working toilet seat, there are old manky magazines spread across the place, the bath has a fine crispy layer on it, the shower is leaking into my housemates bedroom downstairs. The kitchen is also a mess. I'm not exactly a house-proud person but it makes me wince. Some of my plates and mugs are on the draining board. I know full well that I put them away in my cupboard before I left, so someone has been going through my things. I also have a suspicion that someone has been sleeping in my bed. There was a pillow that isn't mine on there, and someone had put a sheet over the quilt I usually sleep on. The whole house just doesn't feel like mine anymore. I feel vaguely comfortable in my room, but as soon as I leave it I feel awkward and icky.

My plan for the next few years was to graduate, then move to Preston to be with Neil. Now that I'm not at university I've been thinking about that move a lot more. Neil is not ready to move in with me, nowhere near. But he's happy for me to move to Preston. I had the idea of using my last student loan that I get in a couple of weeks to move to Preston. It seemed like a little rushed, so I decided that I'd save, and once I'd saved enough for a deposit, and a few months rent, and a moving van and things, I'd move to Preston then. In the second half of the year. And then I came home yesterday and felt like I wanted to move in two weeks again. Jen and Michael were insistent that it was a bad idea. It probably is. It's the reverse culture shock we were warned about, it's my depression, it's a lot of things. I need to stay here and get reacquainted with my life before I start moving it, I know that. But I'm not going to buy the bed I'd planned to buy, I'm going to put that money in savings. And I'm going to use a huge chunk of the loan to kick off my moving fund. I'm looking at Neil's local papers to see what's available, and I'm going to see if I can register with some housing associations (they'll have long waiting lists anyway). My current plan is to move around April/May time. I'll keep you posted I guess.

I have stuff to do today, but I feel generally like crap and what I would really like to do is go to sleep until my Neil comes and kisses me to wake me up like Sleeping Beauty.

Getting home

When I bought my flight to come out to America for this study abroad trip, the return trip was meant to be a flight from Portland to New York on December 20th, and then a flight from New York the same day arriving in London early next morning.

It's December 23rd, and I'm still in New York.

There has been a big big snow storm in the USA that has completely screwed up the travel plans of hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people I don't care about, as well as my own plans. I woke up Sunday, ready to leave USM and Portland, only to find out that my flight had been cancelled. Cue a lot of swearing. The Delta website informs me that my flight has been reassigned to one on Christmas Eve, changing in Atlanta to arrive in London early Christmas Day. Cue a lot more swearing. NOT GOOD. I wanted to go home.

After crying a lot, swearing a lot, and speaking to Neil online a lot, we discovered that the second leg of my journey - the New York to London bit - was still flying. It was only the Portland to New York flight that was cancelled. We figured that if I could get to New York I could still catch that second leg. So Neil brought me a flight with Jet Blue that lunch time, getting to New York in plenty of time.

Note: I spent all day calling Delta every three or four minutes - engaged. Constantly.

The Jet Blue flight was cancelled. Cue more crying. Cue more swearing. Cue breaking into my suitcase to eat Christmas presents. Cue throwing soft toys around the room in a temper tantrum.

Jet Blue transferred me to a flight early on Monday morning. By which time I was already meant to be at home :( The original second leg went off to England okay, albeit delayed, so I assumed that New York was the best place to be. More flights available to London. So, Monday morning I hopped in a taxi and went off to Portland airport. Checked in.

Oh wait... my baggage was too heavy. Both suitcases. I needed to pay $130. I didn't have $130 so I dragged my bags outside and cried for a bit. Then I dragged them back in to a bench by a bin and went through everything throwing stuff away. Resorting the stuff I kept - mainly filling my carry on backpack with books. Heavy heavy books.

This time when I checked in the bags were fine. So I went through security - only needed to go through the metal detector three times. Yay. Got to the gate - flight delayed. Urgh! I ended up in a bar/pub getting food and had a very nice lunch. The flight left late, but it went and I got safely to New York.

Woohoo! After spending an hour waiting for Jet Blue to spit my luggage out, I dragged my tired ass to the next terminal to go find a Delta desk and put myself on a flight to London. I queued. I queued some more. I watched people yell. I watched people cut the queue and watched other people scream at them. And finally I got to the desk. I explained the story to the dude at the desk, who informed me that since my rearranged flight was to go to Atlanta, there was nothing he could do and I was in the wrong place.

Cue more swearing, more tears. He gave me a phone number and told me to call them to get them to reissue my ticket. First of all I found a quiet corner of the airport and sat and cried for twenty minutes. When I could speak (sort of) I called Neil, who listened to me sob for a bit and said nice things and was generally wonderful. Then I sat and waited for those crying hiccups to subside, and I called the Delta helpline number. Engaged. I tried again. Engaged. Half hour later it rang and I got put on hold. Half hour later I explained the whole story to some guy who typed a little on his computer then told me that he had to transfer me to the international flights people. More time on hold, until I finally speak to a woman who listened to the whole story, fiddled with her computer for a bit and told me there was nothing she could do. I had to go back to Portland. Oh, or she could put me on a flight from New York on Wednesday, if I paid $1300. I told her I had to sort stuff out, but I'd probably be going back to Portland and taking the 'original' Portland-Atlanta-London flight. She said to make sure I call back, or go to the desk to reconfirm.

More tears. Lots more tears. I called Neil. This is where my wonderful knight in shining geek t-shirts saved my day some more. He brought me a Jet Blue flight BACK to Portland. And he sent me a couple of hundred pounds so I could make a reservation in a hotel near Portland airport and get some food to last me til Christmas Eve. The man is amazing.

So, to clarify, my new schedule: it's Monday. I have to stay in the airport til the 7.30am flight back to Portland, check into a hotel, go back to the airport on Thursday and get a flight to Atlanta, then a flight to London and arrive home on Christmas morning. Sucky, but that was the plan. I just had to go to the desk to reconfirm.

I queued. I queued some more. I queued a little bit longer. It didn't bother me, I had a book. I had all night to spend in the airport anyway, so I was fine. Then I get to the desk and speak to Miguel. I explain, he types in my details, then tells me I'm not booked on any flights.

I didn't cry. I didn't swear. I was too shocked. I nearly passed out. I wanted to just dig a hole in the floor right there and give up. Miguel asks me to tell him the whole story. So I do. Everything. He just looks at me, says that it was obviously the airline's fault and said he'd book me into a business class seat on Wednesday, from New York. I asked him how much that'd cost me and he said nothing. I almost jumped over the desk and kissed him. The man is an angel!

I called Neil back and told him that as long as he cancelled the Jet Blue flight before it departed he should get some money back (he overslept), and then I cancelled the hotel reservation in Portland. I headed down to the arrivals lounge to see if I could get a room in a hotel. Only ones available were $250 a night, and higher. Way beyond my budget for two nights. So I got a $50 taxi into the city, booked myself into the Hostelling International place I stayed at when I came here in November ($60 for two nights) and promptly fell asleep.

Yesterday I spent in bed mostly, reading and websurfing. I also had to repack, again. The suitcase my sister had lent me finally died. The stand was broken, a wheel gave out, the zipper was buggered. Not good. I went through everything and threw some more stuff away until everything fit in the one bag I brought at Walmart, my backpack and my satchel. Plus, I had the most horrendous headache. A combination of normal headaches, crying all day, stress and the heat in the hostel drying me out. Not good. But I woke up this morning and my flight hadn't been cancelled. Yay!

So here I am. Check out at the hostel was 11am, my flight doesn't leave til 7.15pm, but I wasn't gonna lug my bags around New York all day, so I got a taxi straight to the airport. Wasn't expecting to be able to check in for a few hours, but within five minutes I was checked in, through the special business-class security and sat in the departures lounge calling Mum to let her know what was going on.

I'm now sat in the Sky Club - very posh - waiting for my flight. I get to go home, finally! It's been a stressful few days, and I've spent more time crying than I do when in the midst of an episode, but I'm okay. In a few hours I get on that plane and can fall asleep until I get back to England.

The moral of this story - Don't fly Delta. EVER!

My kids

Thanks to a wonderful site called Make me babies I know what mine and Neil's daughter will look like.


babies
What do you think about my little new baby Jessalyn?
MakeMeBabies.com - What will your baby look like?

And here is my son...


babies
What do you think about my little new baby Thomas?
MakeMeBabies.com - What will your baby look like?

And this is why I will not be having kids with myself...


babies
What do you think about my little new baby Nicky?
MakeMeBabies.com - What will your baby look like?

Things I Have Learned About Maine, part 2

16) USM has the second best map library in the United States. Beaton only by Harvard, which is pretty impressive.

17) The only person ever to be executed in the US for slave trading was Nathaniel Gordon, a ship's captain from Portland, Maine.

18) The first mosque in the USA was in Maine.

19) The last Shakers in the world are in Maine.

20) People in Maine - possibly in the whole US - undo their seatbelts before they turn their car engine off. I don't know why I have noticed this. I just have. Yes, I'm weird.

HSKS 9 - as requested...

Here is a picture of the hat and gloves that Waverly made me. She requested a picture because this was her first go at colourwork. I think she did a fantastic job. I'm still too scared to do something this intricate.

HSKS 9 - a little owl flew in my window...

...lugging a huge huge package all the way from Waverly Trimble in Minnesota :-)



She has knit me the most amazing pair of wristwarmers, complete with a hat that got promptly "appropriated" by my roommate. I got yarn and a pattern to make a bag, and felt and crochet hooks and beads and stitchmarkers and stickers and a cute little photo album and some very funky fabric. I was utterly spoiled! Not that I'm complaining.

Thank you Waverly!! Here are some pictures that are my attempt to be artistic.





New Thing # 50

Date:- December 16th 2009
New Thing:- Try eggnog

I've never had eggnog before. And here in America they go all out for everything, and that includes filling supermarket shelves with rows and rows of eggnog. My good friend Branden can't get enough of the stuff. So I brought some to try.



This eggnog comes with lots of karma added too. Karma point 1: Oakhurst is a local company, so I'm supporting local workers. Karma point 2:



Karma point 3:



See, all kinds of good karma. And this one is just because it made me giggle.



My eggnog expires on Christmas Eve. How cool is that?

Anyway, on to the tasting. It smelt like slightly odd banana milkshake, and tasted like slightly odd banana milkshake too. Initial taste was nice. Creamy and sweet, but it comes with a nutmeg aftertaste, which apparently I don't like. So, now I know. I don't like eggnog. But I'd never have known if I hadn't tried. And even if I didn't finish drinking it, I still get the karma points.

Christmas snuck up on me

So, yesterday was not that good of a day. In fact I think I did absolutely nothing aside from watch stuff on my laptop, cry, throw temper tantrums and sulk. I ended up crying myself to sleep about 6 or 7 o'clock. Not good.

So today will be better. I woke up at about 4 this morning, have caught up with my shows and taken a shower, as well as finished packing absolutely everything aside from stuff to go in my carry on. I've looked up some classes to take in the spring: a cooking class, a silversmithing class and a fused glass jewellery class. I've found some reading groups to go to, a writing group and a knitting group. I will keep myself busy. But I'll be posting a detailed 2010 Plan nearer the end of the year.

I'm going to go over to the cafeteria in a bit, after I've watched Men of a Certain Age and Legend of the Seeker. I'm taking my laptop, a book, my notebook and a puzzle book. I plan on staying in there all day. Obviously staying in my room alone is not good for me, so I'll go sit where there are people and free(ish) food and get on with my stuff. I'll get to socialise a little, and maybe not be quite so miserable.

In the meantime, it's Christmas next week. NEXT WEEK! I've been so focused on getting home and getting back to Neil that although I knew it was coming up to Christmas it didn't really sink in, until just now. Christmas is NEXT FRIDAY!

I hope everyone has a good Christmas/Hannukah/Yule/Kwanzaa etc etc. I do love Christmas, I just haven't been in exactly the right frame of mind for it this year.

A video of funnies

I found this on blaugh and it made me giggle on an otherwise gloomy day. Especially the puppy in the second to last clip.

Change of plans?

Today I was supposed to go to an animal preserve and to walmart with my friend Marnie. Normally she calls the night before to let me know what time she'll be picking me up, however my roommate moved out at the weekend taking the phone with her. I messaged Marnie online and let her know I wasn't contactable by phone and to let me know timing by Facebook message. This was early Saturday.

It's Tuesday morning and I've received no message from Marnie. So I don't know what's happening now. I'm a little concerned cos Marnie is usually very good at staying in touch. I'm also a little concerned on a purely paranoid and selfish level, because Marnie was supposed to give me my lift to the airport on Sunday and I'm worrying that I'll get stood up now. Completely paranoid, but there you go. That's the sort of person that I am.

I don't know why I'm writing it on here, but I've already messaged Neil and he's busy at work and can't come and sooth my issues. I should do something. I know, I'll continue reading the archives of MLIA like I have been doing, but that plan is out cos the stupid website is down. I could.... oh wait, I can't do anything cos I have no life!

I really am a miserable sod aren't I. I have plenty to do. I have the body and tail of a reindeer in my drawer that needs feet and a face. I have a million writing prompts I want to start doing to work out my writer's block. I have three new things left to do before the end of the year. I have maths online that I want to revise. I have books to read. I'm in a beautiful state; I could go for a walk. I could pull on my boots and go crunching around in the snow. I could make a snowman. I could go make those snow angels I never got around to doing. Lots of things I could do. In fact, I'm going to snap out of my stupid mood and go do something. First up, a shower.

I wanna go home

I've had enough of America. I wanna go home. And at this particular moment in time I wanna skip Christmas, which is pretty unusual for me. I wanna skip Christmas and the week in Basingstoke. I want all this waiting to be over and I want to be with Neil. I miss him. I've missed him like crazy while I've been away and I'm pretty sure I never ever want to be so far away from him ever again.

I'm tired and I can't sleep. I haven't been sleeping properly for months. I'm hungry but have no food in, and the cafeteria isn't serving proper food yet. My ankle hurts - all the sodding time. My head hurts, I have a sore throat and a bad back. I'm homesick. I miss my bedroom and my stuff and my bed and I miss Stoke and all the places I know and recognise. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, I have no idea what my plans are. I assigned myself the task to write a Mission Statement for my New Thing and I can't get three words in because I have absolutely NO FUCKING IDEA what I want. I'm worried about everything. I'm worried about losing Neil, and I'm worried about not being able to handle Christmas, and I'm worried I'm going to spend the rest of my life not knowing what I want and wasting it. I'm worried about a friend who seems to be changing a lot in too many different ways and I'm worried....

I'm worried about everything! And now I'm crying and I'm not sure I'm going to be able to stop for a few hours.

Neil is my boyfriend and I love him. I can't wait to see him because I haven't seen him in four months. And although we've been joking about constant touching and sex and not being able to let go of each other, the thing I want most is for him to hold me. When he holds me I don't worry so much. The only time I ever have nightmare-less sleep is when I'm with him. I know full well that as soon as he holds me a million tons of stress and worry will lift up off my shoulders and float away. It'll come back, but while I'm with him I'll feel a million times better.

Argh, I'm a mess. I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep for a few hours.

A knitting dilemma

I'm making this monkey, surprise surprise. And it's a pattern that I brought from someone on Ravelry, and it was full of mistakes so I've been conversing with the author to get it fixed and sorted. Now the pattern is all straight. That's good.

I'm only 26 rows into a 400 row project, but it's taken me fifty tries to get this far. It took a week of tinking and ripping and tinking and ripping to get past the 4th row mark. A LOT of effort has gone in to these 26 rows.

However... the yarn is awful. I think I'm using Reynolds Utopia, and it's 100% acrylic but I used it before for a crochet project and it was perfectly fine. This time it's driving me crazy. My hands get overly sweaty after five stitches, and keep slipping on the needles, and then the yarn gets sticky with the sweat from my hands and it's just not a pleasure to knit with at all.

Half of me wants to frog it, and start again with a new yarn, but the other half of me is still traumatised by the four hundred million times I tinked and frogged the first 4 rows and doesn't want to start over. Any suggestions?

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

Here are a few pictures of our suite all decorated up, and of the snow fall we've had recently...







Here are some I took during one of my I'm-all-artistic phases.







I spotted this while out with a friend the other day. USPS, I strongly approve.



I've been waiting all semester for it to snow, and this week it finally did. We had several inches over the weekend and I took a few pictures. I was trying to capture the amazing sparkle that the snow out here has. I'm not sure if I got it or not.





And then today it started snowing at about 6.30 this morning and it hasn't stopped yet, nearly 12 hours later. These were taken about five hours ago.






Part of me wants to go out and play in it, but I kinda don't at the same time. I had a small fondle the other day and the snow was so soft and powdery, totally unlike anything I've ever been in contact with. I want to go out and make a snow angel, and build a proper snowman, but something is holding me back. I don't know what it is, but for the moment I'm heeding it. Of course, I'm not feeling well and going out to play in snow will probably not do me any good. I don't think the snow is going away anytime soon, so I'll have a chance to play before I go. But for now I'm content looking at it from safe indoors.

New Thing # 49

Date:- 2/12/09 - 7/12/09
New Thing:- Go a week without checking Facebook

I failed. Miserably. I only managed to last five days. When you don't have access to the internet, it's incredibly easy to not check facebook. However, when you have the internet and are on it nearly all day it's practically impossible.

I nearly failed half hour after I started. I posted a message on facebook saying that I wouldn't be on, at 1.40am on December 2nd. By 2.00am I remembered that Jen and I had been messaging on facebook while I was away and she'd panic if she didn't hear from me in a week. I nearly gave up then. But I ended up getting Neil to text her.

Then I nearly failed again when I woke up the next morning. When I wake up, usually before I even get out of bed, I check my email, I check Ravelry and I check facebook. Caught myself just in time. The next day or two wasn't so bad, but then I wrote that note about needed challenges on my blog and automatically typed in Facebook into the address bar so I could write a note asking for challenges. I didn't click 'go', but it was a close call.

After that it got painful. I kept wanting to upload photos, or check some groups, or just check statuses. It was hell! In the end I gave up. I went on Facebook about 4 in the morning on December 7th. So, fail. Starting in 2010, when I fail a challenge I'll be donating £5 to charity.

A few more writer's inklings

I'm having one of those moments when writer's block is really driving me nuts. I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it. I get ideas. My fingers get that itch that tells me they want to move. They want to type - hence why I'm on here. My fingers love the tactile pleasure of sliding across the keyboard. And my eyes enjoy the black words spreading across the white page. But the words that flow are nonsense. Inane ramblings that make no sense and are of no value whatsoever to anyone. It drives me crazy!

I started to write a poem about it, and got six lines.

The words are there,
Buzzing in my brain.
Hovering just beyond reach.
The sentences are cloudy,
Ghostly figures.
Not quite clear enough to recognize.

I'm going to start doing more writing prompts. Of course, I said that last time I had an attack of the writer's block blues too, and I never got anywhere. Ooooo... writer's block blues. See, that sparks all kinds of ideas and things in my head, but none of it clear enough to use. Stupid brain!

New Moon

Okay, I gave in. I'm watching New Moon. Just to see what all the fuss is about, you know. I saw Twilight (even though I still haven't read the books) and when I start watching a series I like to finish it. Plus, I have a mild vampire obsession and I like to watch all the different shows and see the movies and read the books. See the different portrayals and things. I'm blogging as I watch, so be prepared for tangents.

I would just like to state though, that despite my vampire obsession I am definitely Team Jacob when it comes to the Twilight Saga. I refuse to see Edward Cullen and his family as vampires. VAMPIRES DO NOT SPARKLE!! I accept that different writers have different mythologies, and that they like to make their own mark, but VAMPIRES DO NOT FUCKING SPARKLE!! So... Team Jacob. Plus, from what I hear, Jacob takes his top off at some point.

Idiot. Edward just told Bella he's leaving. Why do men in fiction-land do that? And "I love you, you're the most important thing that's ever happened to me, I'd die without you, etc etc etc... by the way, I'm leaving. Bye." Muppet. I always liked Cedric Diggory; as a character in the books, and as a hottie in the movie. And the actor is hot, but the character of Edward is a muppet. I love vampires, and I love werewolves too. In this series, I'm definitely more of a werewolf fan.

And there goes the shirt. Highly over-rated. Yeah, he's buff, but not as spectacular as people make out. I always think that buff muscly men are nice to look at, but I prefer my guys skinny. Also, Jacob is like the opposite of my type. He's buff and tanned (well, he's Native American) and he has this luscious long black hair. I like my men tall and white and nerdy. I like my men exactly like Neil. I would kill to have Jacob's hair for myself though.

This movie is turning out to be a lot like the first one. An OK way to waste two hours, but not exactly a classic. I think the only time I'll ever watch it again is when the next one is due out and I do my customary catch. Still, it has more than an hour to go. It could get drastically better, but I doubt it.

Okay, I'm starting to see the attraction to Jacob. He's cut his hair and he's standing in nothing but shorts in pouring rain. Having a mild mild effect on me. I do like rain. And I have a big skin fetish, and there's an awful lot of his skin on show right now.

So, how about those cows?

Lol, no one but Neil (and possibly Jen) will get why I said that. Hehe. Inside joke.

Oh but the wolves. The wolf form of these werewolves are absolutely beautiful. Very realistic. Not deformed man dogs like in some stories, but gorgeous huge beautiful wolves. I want one! I wonder if I can find a werewolf and get it to infect Neil? Hmmm....

Shirtless short-haired Jacob is back. Only this time without the rain. Not attractive. His hair is silly. Apparently I'm only Team Jacob in the rain.

I really don't get what all these boys see in Bella, you know. She's thick! Her boyfriend is a vampire; his entire family are vampires. And it takes her ages to figure out her best friend is a werewolf, despite all the clues. He has a temper, he has a high body temperature, he told her his family were descended from wolves, and a pack of giant wolves rescued her from a nasty vampire. She really couldn't figure it out? Moron woman!

Hmmm, now Edward topless on the other hand.... yummy. The character is a knob, but he's pale and white and skinny and not-quite-so-buff. Had more of an effect on me then Jacob did.

Damn, I really need to get back home to Neil.

Right, it's over. It got quite good for about twenty minutes. When it stopped being so much of a teenage drama romance and turned into more of a vampire movie. They went to see a set of council-type people in Italy. That was quite cool. Ended with Jacob and Edward bitch fighting over Moron Girl and then Edward proposing. Silly movie really. I'll probably still watch the next one when it comes out though.

Google vs. Yahoo

There is a neverending debate online about whether Google is better than Yahoo. People type the same thing into each search engine to see which has a better autoanswer. For instance... "What is.." or "How many..."

I've been reading My Life is Average and it has a lot of posts about Google vs. Yahoo battles. I saw one that said:

Today, I decided to join the Google vs Yahoo wars and typed in "Google is...". Google came up with "Google is your friend" while Yahoo came up with "Google is better than Yahoo" It's nice to know that even Yahoo has admitted defeat.

Because I'm pathetic, and easily susceptible to suggestion, I went to see if it was true. I typed "Google is" into Yahoo and got "Google is down." I typed "Google is" into Google and got "Google is Skynet." I think in this instance, Google wins. Right after "Google is Skynet" was "Google is going to take over the world." Hehe. Silly things make me laugh.

You know, in order to maintain accurate scientific balance, I should do "Yahoo is" too. Hang on...

Google - "Yahoo is shutting down on November 17th"
Yahoo - "Yahoo is stupid"

Another clear win for Google.

Something Nice

The vigilant amongst you might notice a new badge in my sidebar. It's for Operation Nice.

I've been researching ideas for my New Things all day and at some point followed a link to this girl's blog. After reading through a few of the posts it gave me a nice warm glow. It's not news to any of you but I suffer from depression, and sometimes it's hard to stay positive and happy. Melissa's blog helps. A lot. It's a reminder that not everything in this life is bleak and miserable. Especially the testimonies of kindness.

Go to that site. Read the stories. Take on the assignments. Spread the nice!

New Thing # 48

Date:- 4th December 2009
New Thing:- Beat the 20Q website

I've spent the evening looking for ideas for my 52 New Things challenges, and I came across a suggestion to beat the 20Q website. I clicked the site to have a look and it's a 20 questions game. You pick a topic; you think of a person/thing/place; the computer asks you 20 questions and guesses what you're thinking about.

I had a go, thinking of Xenophillius Lovegood, and it got it! I was very impressed. I mean, I know how things like that work, but it's still impressive. So I added it to my notebook list. "Beat the 20Q website." I intended to do it next year as one of my challenges, but couldn't resist having another go now. It guessed I was thinking about the magic mirror. It's mildly addictive, so I had another go.

I BEAT IT!! It didn't guess that I was thinking about Homer's car. I won! Na na na na na. I will give it props though, it guessed Marge's car.

HSKS 9 - my owl arrived

The owl I sent with Intarsia Bindoff's package arrived safely. She was very pleased with her goodies.

SwitchCleo I can’t believe it! I can’t believe it! You weren’t kidding about lots and lots of goodies.

My owl arrived! And it is wonderful! I love it. I came home this evening and there it was waiting for me!
And no I am not sending back the bag!! haha I love it. It is a fantastic bag and I can’t wait to use it.

The first things on top of the box (the tatting patterns) made me laugh and laugh because I was just about to hunt down an Angel pattern that I had seen once before because i need to make something for decorating grandmother’s room, and I was wondering if I could find a Christmas tree pattern and there it was!! I’ve never done beads before so that is going to be a fun adventure!

I hope to have photos up of the entire thing soon, and i’ll comment on the rest of the wonderful gifts, but it might not be until tomorrow because my camera needs to recharge! Ugh!


I'm very pleased she liked it. I always get worried that my swappees won't be happy with their packages. I can't wait for my owl now :-D I'm getting anxious for Waverly Trimble to send it. I leave the country in two weeks and 3 days, and I'm paranoid that the owl won't arrive before I leave.

New Thing # 47

Date:- December 3rd 2009
New Thing:- Free Your Mind

Whilst searching for challenges, I came across this list. 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind. I decided, as one of my new things, to attempt to answer them.

1) How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?

Lol, probably very very young. People are always astonished to learn that I'm 27. Maybe 21 or 22.

2) Which is worse, failing or never trying?

Depends on the objective I guess. I think you should always try at something, but if you know that you're going to fail, I wouldn't suggest trying to skydive.

3) If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don't like and like so many things we don't do?

Peer pressure. The social pressure that we must all achieve the same goals and strive for the same things in life. Successful job, lots of money, family, white picket fence. So we put up with education that bores us, and jobs that drive us insane, to achieve those goals, whilst never having time for the things we do like, such as knitting and just sleeping. This is a good one to explain why I'm dropping out of university. I just don't like it.

4) When it's all said and done, will you have said more than you've done?

I definitely talk a lot. I like to thing I do things too. I know that I have life goals I've done nothing towards achieving. I wanna work on changing that.

5) What is the one thing you'd most like to change about the world?

Ideas of what is beautiful. A hundred years ago girls with figures like mine were most beautiful. Child-bearing hips! Strong constitutions! Enough money to feed myself properly! All kinds of reasons. Now everyone who isn't stick thin is wrong.

6) If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Crafting. Working in a yarn store or someplace where I could sit and craft all day and talk to people who craft and sell crafting goods

7) Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

Well I was settling, but now I'm not. I'm changing. I'm just not sure what I believe in yet. I'm working on that.

8) If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

Before or after I'd started panicking that I'm now an OAP? I wouldn't waste any time doing things that I HAVE to do.

9) To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

I didn't have much control over my mid to late teens, and it led me to some dark places. But I think I'm gaining more control now.

10) Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

Well I'm certainly not concerned about doing the right things. I have a very loose sense of morals.

11) You're having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticising a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

I stick up for her. One hundred percent, no hesitation. I can't say I've never criticised anyone, but I won't let people do it about my friends while I'm around.

12) If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

Just one piece of advice? That's tough. I'd tell the child to never let anyone tell her she can't reach her dreams.

13) Would you break the law to save a love one?

Without any hesitation or second thoughts or regrets.

14) Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

Not that I can think of, but some people tell me my writing is creative when I just see insane ramblings.

15) What's something you know you do differently than most people?

I'm forever being told that I eat my fruit wrong. I peel a banana completely and pull it out of the skin before I eat it. And once I've peeled an orange I'll eat it like an apple instead of pulling it into segments.

16) how come the things that make you happy don't make everyone happy?

Because not everyone can see the wonder and pleasure and possibilities in a ball of delicious soft yarn.

17) What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What's holding you back?

Sex in snow. What's holding me back? A lack of decent snow in England, and a lack of funding to go somewhere that has the snow.

18) Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

My past. I'm getting better at letting go of it, but I'm still clinging.

19) If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

Well, a few months ago I would have said I'd move to America because that's what I'd always dreamed of. Now that I've been here for a few months though, I can see it's flaws.

20) Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

I didn't used to, but then I spent five minutes waiting for the elevator in Boston South Station before realising I hadn't pushed it properly the first time.

21) Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

I worry a lot at the moment, and although I wouldn't necessarily call myself a genius, I'd give up quite a lot to be able to stop worrying so much.

22) Why are you, you?

Because of everything that has happened to me, and everyone in my life.

23) Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

I certainly hope so. You'd be better off asking Jen.

24) Which is worse, when a good friends moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

The idea of Jen moving away terrifies me, but at least if she moves we'd still be in touch.

25) What are you most grateful for?

Neil and Jen. I'd be completely lost without either of them. They've done so much for me it's impossible to describe what they mean to me.

26) Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

Not all of my memories are good ones, I think I'd rather be able to make new ones.

27) Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

Only if you're willing to accept what someone else tells you.

28) Has your greatest fear ever come true?

My greatest fear is losing someone close to me. At the moment that means Neil or Jen or Michaela or Mum or Jennie. But I have lost people close to me. My relationship with my Dad is screwed almost beyond reparation, so yes.

29) Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?

Where was I five years ago? Five years ago I was living in my brand new flat in Stoke-on-Trent after 9 months of deep dark black depression in the YMCA after running away from my family and everyone I know. All of that was painful and horrible, but it led me to where I am now. I don't regret it.

30) What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?

I remember when me and Jennie were both small enough that Dad would take us up to bed on his back as our pony. I don't know if that's the happiest memory I have, but it is vivid. It's special because it was before everything started to change.

31) At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

As corny as it sounds, last time I was with Neil.

32) If not now, then when?

When I was back in England.

33) If you haven't achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?

I miss Neil. I can't wait to get home.

34) HAve you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

I can sit with someone and be silent, but not for long. I'm a chatterbox. Most of the people I know are chatterboxes.

35) Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

If I knew that I could start a campaign for world peace.

36) Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?

I don't think so. There are too many levels of grey. Too many different ways to view things.

37) If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

I don't know. A million dollars wouldn't last forever in this day and age. I might take an extended vacation. Or use it to clear all my debts and get a house and pay all my bills and things for the next few years so that I can work without worry.

38) Would you rather have less work to do, or more work that you actually enjoy doing?

More work that I enjoy.

39) Do you feel like you've lived this day a hundred times before?

I have. Hundreds and hundreds.

40) When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

I don't think I ever have.

41) If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

Mum, Michaela and Jennie. Then Jen. Then Neil.

42) Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?

No.

43) What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

When you're truly living every minute of being awake is happy and full of adrenaline.

44) What is the time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

I don't think you should do something without thinking about it first, but you need to spend more time doing and less time thinking about doing.

45) If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

Mistakes hurt. People are afraid of the pain, even if they know it's good for them in the end.

46) What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

I don't know. I don't tend to think about that too much anyway.

47) When was the last time you noticed the sound of
your own breathing?


Every night. I count my breathes to help me fall asleep.

48) What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

I love crafting. I dropped out of university so I'd have more time to do it.

49) In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?

Yesterday I didn't really do anything, so probably not. The day before that was the Tuesday Night Trivia final, that I'll probably remember forever :-) Go Spartans!

50) Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting other make them for you?

I try to make them for myself.

I Dare You To Challenge Me

I was researching things to do to finish off this year's 52 New Things, and I found so many millions of things I want to do. (Disclaimer: "millions" may be an exaggeration) So I've decided I'm going to do it again next year. With a little twist though.

Some of the ideas I found that intrigued me where more like challenges. Such as:-

- build a house of cards with more than three levels
- complete a colouring book
- list 50 animals beginning with a certain letter in a limited amount of time
- fast for 48 hours
- watch 26 movies you've never seen starting with each letter of the alphabet

That kind of thing. And there will be rewards and punishments. For each challenge I complete, I put £5 into savings, and get to spend everything I've saved at the end of the year. For every challenge I fail, I donate £5 to charity.

Unless otherwise stated in the challenge, there is a one week time limit for the challenges.

I'm looking for more ideas though. Any suggestions? Challenge me!

New Thing # 46

Date:- 1st December 2009
New Thing:- Post a video on Youtube

Unlike my dear friend Charlotte, I am not a vlogger. I much prefer the written word. But, for one of my new things I decided to post a video on YouTube. First challenge - I had no idea what to post. All of my initial ideas are not suitable for Youtube. I thought about doing a photo montage or something, but that seemed a little like a cop out. I thought about actually doing a vlog - as in, speaking to the camera - but that idea kinda terrifies me. So I came up with this...



As you can see, that is not a video I have simply uploaded to my blog. I am on YouTube. Admittedly, the video is pathetic. But it's there!

It kind of ignited a little spark in me. Years and years ago I did the first year of an Higher National Diploma in Media and Photography. I made a music video with my partner that I was very proud of. I have it on DVD, but I don't know how to get it on the interwebs. Making this - very short, very silly, very pointless - video made me want to make more. I'll think about it, but I'll let you know if I ever do.

New Thing # 45

Date:- August 24th - December 20th 2009
New Thing:- Live in student dorms

Since I lived in the town already when I applied to go to Keele University, it made no sense for me to live in the student accommodation. It would have meant paying to keep all of my belongings (at the time I had a flat-full of furniture) in storage, and getting rid of my cat, only to be homeless at the end of each year. So I was an off-campus student. As a result, living in dorms here in Maine is my first experience of living in dorms.



I kind of lucked out. They put all the international students in the newest dorm on campus, so it's really swish and neat. I like it. I got put in a suite - two bedrooms with two people in each, with a common area and a bathroom. I could quite happily transport this apartment to England to be my home. Turn the second bedroom into a craft room. Perfect. :-)

I was a little worried about the dorm thing, having lived in a YMCA before. That was utter hell. But it hasn't been too bad. It's a little weird actually sharing a bedroom with someone; I haven't done that since I was a little teeny weeny girl and shared a room with my sister. There is a lot of extraneous noise, from upstairs and from the corridors and things, and we have a lot of rules. Not allowed to light candles, have certain cooking equipment and certain types of lamps. After seven pm we have to sign guests in. All standard stuff for a dorm I guess, but not things I'm used to. I've been living alone for over a decade now, and having all these new rules took a lot of getting used to. But it's been nice having people around to talk to, even if I now can't wait to get back to own company. I'm not used to being around people all the time. I'm looking forward to having my space and privacy back.

New things update

So far I've done 44 new things...

- donated to the Salvation Army
- ate banana creme pie
- celebrated Thanksgiving in America
- held a Human Brain
- seen the Blue Man Group
- visited Boston
- attended the wedding of a gay man and a straight woman (officiated by Reptar)
- tried a corn dog
- spent Halloween in Salem
- carved a pumpkin
- went to a pep rally
- a secret project (I'll divulge now that it was posting notes on the doors of everyone on my floor)
- tasted moose steaks
- tried lobster
- sent a money message
- went apple picking
- seen a baseball game
- ate a fluffernutter
- played Guitar Hero
- made bread from scratch
- wrote a letter to my younger self
- made green eggs and ham
- brought something from Etsy
- owned an Ipod
- swapped ipod contents with someone else
- the match box competition
- tried a new fruit
- sent a secret to Postsecret
- took my baby sister to Blackpool
- apologised to five people for things I'd done in the past
- owned llama yarn
- identified 100 things that made me happy
- saw Cirque du Soleil
- gave up my phone for a week
- set a helium balloon free with a message attached
- wrote a letter to my future self
- went to a craft fair
- got rid of 101 material possessions
- learned to crochet
- watched a superbowl
- carved my initials into a tree
- went to a ballet
- tried a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
- embroidered with seed beads

I couldn't be bothered to link to all the posts, but if you're interested click on the "new things" tab at the bottom of this post and it'll take you to them all.

I'm writing this because I still have 8 things to do, I have a month to do them in, and I'm kinda stuck for ideas. Any suggestions?

New Thing # 44

Date:- 30th November 2009
New Thing:- Donate to the Salvation Army

Branden and I went to Walmart today and standing outside was a guy collecting money for the Salvation Army, ringing his bell. I was a little disappointed that he wasn't dressed as Santa. I thought Salvation Army collectors dressed as Santa. Although, having just searched Google Images for a picture I couldn't find any Santas, so I guess I was wrong.

Anyway, I've never given money to a Salvation Army bell ringer before, so I dropped a couple of dollars in his pot. Branden said that when you donate money they're supposed to stop ringing their bell for 10 seconds, and he was right. Ten seconds of blissful silence! I never realised how annoying that bell ringing was until I was sat for an hour waiting for a bus having to listen to it. If I'd had the money I'd have donated more just to shut him up. Which is how they make their money I guess.