I'VE MOVED

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Here.

The Depression Hits Again

One of the things I struggle with with my depression is the future, and not feeling like I'm worth anything. 99% of the time I feel like I'm a waste of space and that there's not point of me existing. I see nothing ahead of me. No future, no plan, no purpose.

Working on this book, and this trip, has changed that. For the past few days, while I've been plotting the route and researching things to do in each city and creating the blog, I've been in a good mood. Not giddy and hyper (which I get occasionally), but an actual positive, optimistic, hopeful good mood.

It didn't even fade when I got a semi-nasty comment on my blog yesterday morning. It didn't fade when the mint chocolate brownies I'd spent hours making turned out to be a fail. The trip/book was bigger than my depression.

For a while.

This morning I woke up and couldn't face getting out of bed. I reset my alarm for a few hours later and went back to sleep. Then I did the same thing again. When I finally actually woke up I lay staring at the ceiling for half an hour. If I hadn't needed to use the bathroom, I'd probably still be staring at the ceiling. I still feel like I have a plan, but I'm in the part of my depression that gives me no desire to do anything. There are lots of household chores that need doing, and I downloaded a recipe for donuts, and I have emails to sort, and a Ravelry group to moderate, and crochet/knit/embroidery projects to work on. And I don't want to do any of it.

I'm not sure what I want to do.

Support My Work

I'm going to write a book. Surprisingly for me, it's a non-fiction one. A travel book specifically. I'm planning an epic trip around America. 20 States in 80 Days. When I've finished I'm going to write a book aimed towards solo female travellers. In the meantime I'm going to blog a lot about it.

Read it here. Subscribe to it, comment on it, share it. Mostly, enjoy it.



--

My other main endeavour at the moment is my Etsy store.



It started in January as a pretty-much-everything store, but hasn't been particularly successful. The patterns are selling well though, so the store is gradually becoming a pattern store. I'm designing new patterns everyday. For knitting, crochet and embroidery. Check it out!

Celeena Cree Creations

Support a Great Cause

Do you have an iPod touch? An iPhone? An iPad? All three?

Do you like fun? Puzzles? Games? Cute graphics and hilarious sound effects?

If you don't already, you should play some of Lightwood's games.


They make puzzle games, and specialise in making games to play with/against friends and random strangers on the internet. They have the first (and best) competitive Sudoku game, an insanely popular Daily Word Bingo game (you get a topic and 60 seconds to think of something for each letter of the alphabet), as well as jigsaw games, other word games, matchy-matchy games, stickery quiz games, and wordsearch games. They are very good!

So good that I had to go out and buy an old, secondhand iPod touch just so I could play them.

They're awardwinning too. They participated in a 24 hour game creation event in London last month, and won prizes for Best Use of Mobile, and Most Innovative Idea. They've already completed and perfected that game, and it's available to download. You can download all of their games at:

Lightwoodgames.com

Right now they're working on their next release. It's a spot the difference game. Having beta tested the current version I can tell you that it's incredibly fun.

Now watch this hilariously awkward video (I may get them a teleprompter for Christmas):



Now stop laughing and go here to contribute.

Project 200 - 138/62

Here's my first foray into Tunisian crochet. It makes a lovely nice thick stitch. I may make more stuff.


138 down
62 to go

My Junk Drawer

For today's blog I have no finished projects, no baking, and no fantabulous things lists to write up, so you get something utterly random. The contents of my junk drawer.

I actually don't have a junk drawer. Every drawer/shelf in my place is as organised as I can possible make it. When I move, I plan to have a zillion more shelves and be even more organised.

The "junkiest" place in my flat is probably the shelf by my bed. There's a rather eclectic mix of stuff to be found there...

... AA batteries
... a mini Lynx deoderant
... USB mouse
... green paper
... a bookmark
... assorted hair bands
... an eraser
... cellotape
... pens
... a smiley face charm
... sewing needle
... a small ball of yarn
... tea light candles
... an empty deoderant can
... shot glass
... scissors
... bulldog clip
... condoms
... craft knife
... mini pad
... antihistimines
... nail file
... mints
... post its
... nail clippers
... some buttons
... drawing pin
... darning needle
... lighter
... laser pointer
... blue tac
... a teddy applique thing
... crochet hook
... frankincense scented simmering granules

There. I've successfully wasted a minute of your life. What's in your junk drawer?

2012 Fantabulous Things: 483 - 562

Another long, undetailed list. I'll try and remember to blog them more frequently.

483) Legend of Korra
484) Avatar: The Last Airbender
485) Happy dreams
486) Hot buttery toast
487) Ice lollies
488) Ravelympics
489) Finding something you thought you'd lost
490) Non-virtual games
491) Unlimited text bundles
492) When you're sat on the sofa with one kitty on either side of you, and one on your lap
493) A purring cat
494) Garlic
495) Being able to design amigurumi
496) Marmite
497) Nutella
498) Malabrigo
499) Getting your cats neutered for free
500) Snow
501) Hot tomato soup
502) Cheese sauce granules
503) Polka dots
504) Transitions Lenses
505) Merino
506) Young Jim Carrey
507) Vampire books
508) Werewolf movies
509) Werewolf books
510) Making lists
511) White chocolate and cranberry cookies
512) Getting vetinary care for free
513) Filet crochet
514) Heath Ledger
515) John Cusack
516) Disney movies
517) Robin Williams
518) Tom Hanks
519) Jim Carrey
520) Rediscovering old poetry
521) White chocolate spread
522) Ribs
523) Ashton Kutcher
524) Tim Allen
525) Nicholas Cage
526) Ewan McGregor
527) Neil Patrick Harris
528) Alan Tudyk
529) Sean William Scott
530) Simon Pegg
531) Kevin Bacon
532) Compliments from strangers
533) Compliments on my unique satchel bag
534) My unique satchel bag
535) Compliments in general
536) Gammon
537) Cheese
538) Cashews
539) Pigeons
540) Dave Gorman
541) Seeing Dave Gorman live
542) Are YOU Dave Gorman?
543) Dave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure
544) Alan Rickman
545) John Travolta
546) Martin Freeman
547) Kathy Najimi
548) Will Smith
549) Brad pitt
550) Early Angelina Jolie
551) Eating happily and finding out you've used few Weightwatcher's points
552) Lightwood Games
553) Splat the Difference
554) Suduko Party
555) Jay and Silent Bob
556) Seven Little Words
557) Bubble wrap
558) Hidden object games
559) Dropbox
560) IMDB
561) Kathy Bates
562) Whirly Word

Project 200 - 135/65, 136/64, 137/63

Here are a few pieces I've finished this week that I haven't blogged about because... well, I just couldn't be bothered.





137 down
63 to go

Baking Success

So yesterday I had a Guinea Pig Dinner Party. I invited my friends around to try out some recipes from the very large folder of recipes I want to try.

I served a slowcooked bbq meatloaf that was not entirely successful, some curried mushrooms that were so successful I'm having them again for lunch today.

And I served this...


That is a caramel apple cheesecake. It took a hell of a lot of work to make. Making the biscuit base, baking the biscuit base, cooling the biscuit base, pouring in the caramel and pecans, letting the caramel and pecans set, making the cheesecake layer, baking the cheesecake layer, four hours for the cheesecake to set, making the cream topping and adding more caramel. By the time I was going to serve it I was half-hoping that it wasn't that good, so I could throw away the recipe.

Unfortunately it was sublime. Absolutely scrumptious. So scrumptious that my guests almost ate to bursting so that they could finish it. So rich and tasty that my guests refused the recipe in case they made it themselves.

I'm keeping the recipe, but I suspect it shall become a special occasion dessert, rather than an everyday one. Thanksgiving, Christmas... Hmmm, I think there's still a slice left.

Project 200 - 134/66

Here's another piece for the House Cup. I had to make something using the "work horse" of yarn: worsted weight. So I made this belt, and designed another pattern in the process.

I'm hoping to get a picture of someone modelling it soon.


134 down
66 to go

Project 200 - 133/67

And another one. This one was a Herbology assignment for the Harry Potter Knitting and Crochet House Cup on Ravelry.


133 down
67 to go

Project 200 - 132/68

Here you go. This is another pattern I've been writing. It's a place mat. I actually made two, but my kitchen sideboard isn't big enough.


132 down
68 to go

The length of my writer's block

I have these notebooks where I keep handwritten copies of all the poems that I write. Today I got around to writing those haikus in it. Before those, do you know when the last poem that I wrote was?

October 2008. That's before I even started this blog. It's been a long, long, long time since I've written anything.

I want to be a better writer. I really do. I have "wordsmith" in a tattoo on my back, and I mean it. I just have this wonderful tendency to avoid things that are difficult or painful. So I've avoided the writers' block and dealing with it.

One of the things I have on my "to do" list is to go through all my writing as first drafts. I should do that. Some of those haikus were actually pretty good. With a bit of revision and editing they could be actual poems.

I think I'm going to add a day in my diary, once a month, to work on old pieces and do writing exercises and things. We'll see how that goes.

Project 200 - 131/69

And another one.


131 down
69 to go (hehe, 69)

Project 200 - 130/70

So here's the next one. This was a test knit for a pattern I designed. Do you like it?

The pattern will be available from my etsy store soon enough.


130 down
70 to go

Project 200 - 129/71

I had a craving to work with this bright turquoise Red Heart Super Saver yarn, so I made this. As I was making it I was looking around my flat trying to figure out where the hell I was gonna put it, when my glance fell upon my stark white chest freezer. I've decided to attach magnets to the points of the star, and put it on the freezer. Just as soon as I can figure out the best way to put magnets onto crochet.


129 down
71 to go

Project 200 - 128/72

Say hello to this colourful little man.
You need to ignore all the colours. He's a creature I'm writing a pattern for, and I used the colours to demonstrate the different parts of the pattern. Apart from the eye, he'd probably be all one colour. I'll be making another one soon, without all the wacky colours. He doesn't have a name yet, either. Any suggestions? 128 down 72 to go

Project 200 - 127/73

Quick little project this one, but it really hurt my wrists. The yarn is huge and I used a crochet hook that was several sizes too small, but don't they look good?


127 down
73 to go

Project 200 - 126/74

Here we go. Cute little thing :-)


126 down
74 to go

2012 Fantabulous Things: 478 - 482

478) Neighbours who take the bins out for you the night before trash day.

479) HPKCHC

This is the Harry Potter Knitting and Crochet House Cup on Ravelry.

480) When the boiler lights first time.

481) Fried egg sandwiches.

482) PB&J muffins.

---

I don't think anybody really reads this blog, you know. I doublechecked that long list of Fantabulous things I posted. Two of them I'd already listed - yankee candles and sausage & cheese muffins. I can understand people missing that. I can't believe people missed that I managed to list Chocolate Cream Pie twice within a few lines of each other. Tut tut.

Here are three free ones to make up the count:

- Cats yawnsniping each other.

- Real life letters that aren't bills.

- Waking up without a headache.

The 21st Tattoo

Those paying attention will have read my 10 Random Facts About Me blog yesterday. You'll also have noticed that I only managed to remember 20 of my 21 tattoos.

Runes around my wrist (they say "to be normal is an act of cowardice")
A jigsaw piece on my other wrist
Morse code for "believe" on my left forearm
A little angel on one shoulder
A matching devil on the other shoulder
A monkey on my right forearm
A monkey on my left shoulder blade
Klingon for "wordsmith" on my right shoulder blade
A Guiding trefoil on my back
An entwined red heart and purple star on my back
Wingdings for "pleasure" and "pain" separated by a pair of handcuffs on my back
A Mario mushroom on my left forearm
A Mario Goomba on my left forearm
A bitemark on my neck
A star on my face - by my left eye
An imp on my collarbone
A sun and two moons (representing my mum and my two sisters) on my right forearm
"Llama" in mirror writing on my right wrist

Last night I finally remembered the 21st tattoo. It's a little question mark above my left breast. Can't believe I forgot about that one - it was the first one I ever got!

10 Random Facts About Me

Another random blog to fill up a day (that last Fantabulous things one was for yesterday).

1) My shoe size is 8.. but I can wear 7 and 9, depending on the type of shoe.

2) I went to three different high schools.

3) When I was a kid I used to think I was allergic to garlic because I didn't like it. Now I can't get enough of it.

4) I have 21 tattoos: runes around my wrist, a jigsaw piece, morse code, an angel on one shoulder, a devil on the other, a monkey on my arm, a monkey on my shoulder blade, klingon, a Guiding trefoil, an entwined star and heart, wingdings (with a pair of handcuffs), a Mario mushroom, a Goomba, a bitemark, a star on my face, an imp on my collarbone, a sun and two moons (for mum and my two sisters), "llama" in mirror writing,

5) I can never, ever, EVER, list all of my tattoos at once. I always forget one or two.

6) Despite the three cats I have currently, and the three I've had in the past, I'm actually more of a dog person.

7) I love the rain. I'm sat on the sofa at the moment watching the heavy rain outside. I wish I had the confidence to go outside and dance in it. At my old place I had barely any neighbours, and would go right out and dance in the rain. Here there are too many eyes.

8) I collect frames. If you've been to my house, you've seen that my living room walls are flooded with assorted and random photo frames holding postcards and photos and funny pictures and my cross stitch work.

9) My entire right side is dodgy. It's my right ankle that has the problems, my right eye that can barely see straight (and goes a-wandering when it's tired), and my right boob is slightly bigger.

10) I have body dismorphia. I have trouble with dieting and losing weight because I don't think I'm as big as I am. I don't feel as big, and I don't think I look as big as some of the big people I see on tv and in town.

There, aren't you glad you took time out of your life to read that. Learn anything you didn't know?

2012 Fantabulous Things: 469 - 477

469) Waking up 1 minute before your alarm goes off.

470) Getting told jokes by little old ladies on the bus.

Why do the bees hum?
Because they can't remember the words.

471) Dogs on the bus.

472) Winning on a scratchcard.

I didn't win yesterday, but I do win occasionally. Not much. Just £2 here and there. Once I won a whole fiver.

473) Yarn on sale.

474) THe smell of fresh cut grass.

475) Donating blood.

476) Waking up next to someone.

Another thing I don't actually do, but it is really awesome when it happens.

477) Bacon sandwiches.

2012 Fantabulous Things: 122 - 468

Here are some more fantabulous things. It's a long list. Eclectic in some places, and themed in others. I had a realisation that 2012 is a LOT, and that I needed to get more done. As a result, I've got a huge list here without any commentary, and then I'm gonna aim to write down 5 or 6 in my notebook everyday and post about once a week or so in a detailed blog.

122) Big Fat Quiz of the Year.
123) Donuts
124) Ziplock bags
125) Sorting things
126) Being in control
127) New kittens
128) Having your new Etsy store 'favourited'
129) Making your first sale
130) Having friends visit
131) Being organised
132) Dinner with friends
133) Land of Lakes Cocoa
134) Finally getting the operation you need
135) Getting out of hospital
136) New sofas
137) Visitors when you're ill
138) Solitude after a month of constant company
139) The way Jasper goes cuckoo over a tiny scrap of fabric
140) Stepping on the scales to find you've lost weight
141) Friends willing to be guinea pigs when you try new recipes
142) New recipes that are successful
143) Surprise candy in the mail
144) Movie marathons with rarely seen sisters
145) Hot chocolate on a cold morning
146) Dancing penguins
147) Friends who spoil you
148) Day trips somewhere you've never been before
149) Paperchase
150) Thorntons
151) Lego (although not the price)
152) Anti-depressants
153) Taybarns
154) Watching a storm from safe on your sofa
155) Watching a storm from out in the rain
156) Ant & Dec
157) Bulldog clips
158) New yarn
159) A good deal on something you collect
160) Grand National
161) Finding out you can use your computer from the sofa
162) Drawstring bags
163) Cheap Easter eggs
164) Sweet potato pie
165) Sweet potato fries
166) Jingly bracelets
167) New York City
168) Hotdogs from a New York street vendor
169) Warm bread pretzels
170) The view from the Staten Island Ferry
171) Taco Bell
172) Walmart
173) Red Heart Super Saver yarn
174) American candy
175) Having the courage to speak to strangers
176) Circus of Horrors
177) The Food Network
178) Snuggling under a warm hand-knitted quilt with a kitty
179) Snuggling under a warm hand-knitted quilt with a hot man
180) Subways (the sandwiches)
181) Central Park
182) Central Park Zoo
183) Dreams about your ex
184) Molly Quinn - aka Castle's daughter in Castle - aka a cute little redhead
185) Redheads in general
186) Richard Castle
187) American accents
188) Scottish accents
189) Irish accents
190) Welsh accents
191) Flirting
192) Harry Dresden books
193) Ty Pennington
194) The "shuffle" function
195) Facebook
196) Stumbleupon
197) Bowling
198) Swimming
199) Artemis Fowl
200) Harry Potter
201) Where's Wally?
202) Terry Pratchett
203) Keri Arthur books
204) Sookie Stackhouse books
205) Tanya Huff books
206) Zombie books
207) Cross stitch
208) Crochet
209) Knitting
210) Beads
211) Quotes
212) Tamora Pierce books
213) Dan Brown books
214) Kelley Armstrong books
215) Sweet Valley High
216) Stephen King books
217) Gregory Maguire books
218) Lazy Susans
219) Douglas Adams
220) Bad Taste Bears
221) Fluffy slippers
222) Pregnancies in the family
223) Blackworking
224) Polar bears
225) ink-in-water pictures
226) Garfield cartoons
227) Rainbow yarn
228) Felting a piece of knitting and having it come out perfectly
229) Finding the perfect job (even if you can't apply)
230) Finishing a project that's been on hold forever
231) Lazer pointers
232) Watching cats go skitty over lazer pointers
233) Turning the lazer pointer off and watching the cats try to figure out what happened
234) Free patterns
235) Cuddly toys
236) Freecycle
237) Mentos in Coke
238) Aurora borealis
239) Sparkly yarn
240) Having faith in yourself
241) Containers/boxes
242) The Container Store
243) Origami
244) Self-striping yarn
245) Talcum powder
246) Come Dine with Me
247) Monkeys
248) Dogs
249) Cats
250) Postsecret
251) Dooce
252) I can has cheeseburger
253) I can has hotdog
254) Questionable Content
255) Least I Could DO
256) A Softer World
257) Doghouse
258) Wulffmorgenthaler
259) Bizarro Blog!
260) Very Demotivational
261) Cat versus Humanh
262) ICHC After Dark
263) Set Phasers to LOL
264) My Food Looks Funny
265) LolCelebs
266) PunditKitchen
267) Must Have Cute
268) It Made My Day
269) Learn From My Fail
270) One Sentence
271) XKCD
272) FML
273) Not Always Right
274) Clients From Hell
275) eBay
276) Charity shops/thrift stores
277) Car boot sales
278) Archers
279) When the ex you're still in love with realises he loves you too
280) Rewatching old tv
281) Gargoyles
282) Rugrats
283) 3rd Rock From the Sun
284) Flying first class
285) Donut pincushions
286) Packages of love from ravelers
287) Simmering granules
288) Yankee candles
289) Nerds candy
290) (Marshmallow) Fluff
291) Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
292) Smores
293) Fluffernutters
294) Jammy fluffernutters
295) Bananas in custard
296) Banana splits
297) Banana and chocolate spread sandwiches
298) Fried egg sandwiches
299) Creamy chicken and corn chowder
300) Tuna tomato and rice
301) Chicken and broccoli noodles
302) Mac and cheese
303) Quiche
304) Maple syrup
305) Muffins
306) Gingerbread muffins
307) Chocolate cheesecake muffins
308) Chocolate peppermint muffins
309) Maple nut cookies
310) Homemade honeycomb
311) Watching the chemical reaction when making honeycomb
312) Rocky Road
313) Phish Food ice cream
314) Caramel Chew Chew ice cream
315) Mint chocolate chip ice cream
316) Eton Mess
317) Chocolate cream pie
318) My homemade icecream
319) Peanut butter pie
320) Maple mousse
321) Chocolate cream pie
322) Banana cream pie
323) Cheesecake
324) Bacon and creamy corn muffins
325) Sausage and cheese muffins
326) Chilli and sweetcorn muffins
327) Maple pecan bread
328) Homemade broccoli soup
329) Frank and bean chowder
330) Baked bean soup
331) Bombay potatoes
332) Onion, apple and bacon tart
333) Beef and mushroom stroganoff
334) Slowcookers
335) Being healthy
336) Having a roof over your head
337) Having access to food and water
338) Having full use of my sight
339) Having full use of my hearing
340) Having full use of touch
341) Having full use of my nose
342) Having full use of taste
343) Having full use of my arms
344) Having full use of my legs
345) Having people who care about me (even if I forget sometimes)
346) My mother
347) My step brothers
348) My aunts
349) My uncles
350) My cousins
351) My neices
352) My nephew
353) Michael
354) Kat
355) Chris
356) Friends who were part of my life once, even if they aren't now
357) Hope
358) Imagination
359) Creativity
360) Passion
361) Compassion
362) Understanding
363) Honesty
364) Patience - not that I have any
365) Steak
366) Gammon
367) Roast dinners
368) Denny's
369) New shows
370) Hell on Wheels (tv)
371) Young Apprentice (tv)
372) The Apprentice (tv)
373) Celebrity Apprentice (tv)
374) Breakout Kings (tv)
375) Breaking In (tv)
376) Chuck (tv)
377) Game of Thrones (tv)
378) In Plain Sight (tv)
379) Make It or Break It (tv)
380) The Mentalist (tv)
381) Mike and Molly (tv)
382) The Big C (tv)
383) Lost Girl (tv)
384) Teen Wolf (tv)
385) Switched at Birth (tv)
386) True Blood (tv)
387) Ugly Americans (tv)
388) The Walking Dead (tv)
389) White Collar (tv)
390) Bedlam (tv)
391) Being Human (tv)
392) CSI (tv)
393) CSI: NY (tv)
394) CSI: Miami (tv)
395) Dexter (tv)
396) Drop Dead Diva (tv)
397) Fairly Legal (tv)
398) Harry's Law (tv)
399) Haven (tv)
400) Hung (tv)
401) Hustle (tv)
402) IT crowd (tv)
403) Listener (tv)
404) Mad Men (tv)
405) Merlin (tv)
406) Nikita (tv)
407) Project Runway (tv)
408) Tim Gunn
409) Psych (tv)
410) Sherlock (tv)
411) Top Chef (tv)
412) Top Chef: Just Desserts (tv)
413) Top Chef: Masters (tv)
414) Top Gear (tv)
415) Two and a Half Men (tv)
416) Vampire Diaries (tv)
417) Britain's Got Talent (tv)
418) America's Got Talent (tv)
419) Outnumbered (tv)
420) Franklin & Bash (tv)
421) 9 Lives of Chloe King (tv)
422) Falling Skies (tv)
423) Rookie Blue (tv)
424) Hawthorne (tv)
425) Combat Hospital (tv)
426) Alphas (tv)
427) Pretty Little Liars (tv)
428) Thundercats (tv)
429) Awkward (tv)
430) Dragon's Den (tv)
431) Penn and Teller: Fool Us (tv)
432) Penn and Teller: Bullshit (tv)
433) The Lying Game (tv)
434) The Fades (tv)
435) Pan Am (tv)
436) Ringer (tv)
437) Revenge (tv)
438) Terra Nova (tv)
439) Secret Circle (tv)
440) Unforgettable (tv)
441) Hart of Dixie (tv)
442) A Gifted Man (tv)
443) Suburgatory (tv)
444) Boardwalk Empire (tv)
445) Grimm (tv)
446) Alcatraz (tv)
447) Jane By Design (tv)
448) Eternal Law (tv)
449) Finder (tv)
450) Touch (tv)
451) GCB (tv)
452) Awake (tv)
453) Bent (tv)
454) Monopoly
455) Game of Life
456) Scrabble
457) Scene It
458) Bingo
459) Worcle
460) Daily Word Bingo
461) Bacon Fries
462) Cheesy Puffs
463) Bacon
464) Pringles
465) Local yarn stores
466) Thanksgiving dinners
467) County fairs
468) Light switches by the bed

What a Weekend!

So this weekend my friend Michael from Basingstoke came up to stay. On Sunday he took a train into Liverpool to go to the Hillsborough Memorial Service, and after I mentioned that I haven't been out in ages and could do with a day out, and because he's an absolutely wonderful man, he paid for me to go to Liverpool too. I didn't go to the service... I went shopping :D Because I'm a big girl. Not that I went clothes shopping or shoe shopping or anything. I went to Thornton's, and Paperchase, and the Lego store. This is the type of girl that I am. I also took some pictures.


This is the Liverpool Eye. We were meant to be having a ride, but it took Michael a lot longer to get there after the service than we thought, and we didn't get a chance.

I think this is a very good picture considering I couldn't see anything at all while I was taking it.

The Yellow Duckmarine!! I didn't fancy this one, but look how cool it is.


Tree! I got bored waiting for Michael.

My Liverpool zebra.. which I spent two days referring to as a giraffe.



Another picture I took while waiting for Michael.

Lego store!! I'd planned to buy some lego, but it's expensive. VERY expensive.

Shiny water.

The prettiest Costa Coffee in all the world.


The gravel around the base of the tree is glued down. Apparently Scousers can't be trusted to not steal gravel.

By the end of the day I was tired and frustrated and hurting. I severely overestimated my ankle's ability to walk so much after so long doing nothing. And the tour bus didn't show up. But it was a good day. A brilliant day. And I had a couple of personal achievements too. I spoke to strangers. I told one lady her suitcase was open, and I had a whole conversation with a young knitter in the train station.

Talking to strangers is a big thing for me... especially considering I've been episoding for the past few weeks. I've been off my medication for various reasons. I have an appointment with the Dr this week and I'm hoping she'll put me on a different anti-depressant, because mine isn't working as well as it should.

Now that my weekend distractions (Liverpool! Taybarns! Alcohol!) are over, my episode is back. I've been struggling to sit up all day. I have things to do, and I WANT to do them, but my brain just wants to zone out. I'm trying really, really hard though. I read a couple of self-help e-books over the weekend and they weren't as much drivel as I thought. Some of it really makes sense, and I'm trying to remember those bits.

SMILE MORE.
TURN NEGATIVES INTO POSITIVES.
CHOOSE TO THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS.
RELEASE THE PAST.
TALK TO STRANGERS.
SAY HELLO MORE.

I'm trying. I'm really trying. It's hard to explain quite how hard it is, because people don't often understand quite how difficult living with depression is. But I know that the people who read this who do have depression, or have dealt with it in others, will understand how big a triumph it is that I managed to speak to those strangers on Sunday.

It was definitely a good weekend.

Discworldathon

Quick note to let you all know that I've finished the 12th Discworld book. Well... I'm not sure what number Discworld book it is since my ordering when kablooey. But it's the 12th one I've read.

I'm gonna go back to reading the others in order now.

10 Days of Haikus

It's been a very busy weekend (see follow up post) and I haven't had a chance to blog, but I HAVE written the final three haikus.

Sunday...

Time for a day trip.
Never been to Liverpool.
I'm going shopping.

Monday...

A busy weekend
Results in a great big smile
and two aching legs.

Today...

Ten haikus written.
Some of them are halfway good.
At least I'm writing.

So there you go. I've written ten haikus. It feels good to be writing (creatively) again, even if most of it is rubbish. I'm going to try and keep it up. And of course I'll be subjecting y'all to the madness. (Insert evil laugh here).

10 Days of Haikus

I'm a wee bit drunk
Drunk as a very small skunk
And all out of words

10 Days of Haikus

Here is today's haiku. Can you guess what I've been up to?

So much paperwork,
Leering at me from my desk.
It makes my brain hurt.

10 Days of Haikus

Written at 2am this morning, just as I was getting to sleep:

I'm sorry readers
I forgot to blog today
Here, have some cookies

10 Days of Haikus

In keeping with the theme of the last couple of days, today's haiku is miserable:

I'm trying so hard
To keep myself together
I think I'm failing.

As you may have noticed, I'm not doing so well depression-wise at the moment. I'm trying my hardest to come through it, but most of the time I don't think I'm strong enough.

Labels Reboot

I have too many blog labels. Some of them are now redundant. So I'm rebooting them. I'm only going to use a few blog labels from now on.

If you follow one of the older labels, you'll be able to find all the new posts for them under the following headings:

FAMILY & FRIENDS
- family
- friends
- lovelife
- pets
DEPRESSION & HEALTH
- depression
- health
- weightwatchers
STITCHING & COOKING
- baking
- etsy
- HaR
- HSKS
- patterns
- stitchwork
- twt
YEARLY CHALLENGES
- 2012 fantabulous things
- discworldathon
- new things
- one day one sentence
- photography
- project 200
- purpleocity
- year of the circuses
WRITING
- 30 day meme
- writer's inklings
OTHER
- edumacation
- geek out
- interwebs
- lists
- Maine
- random ramblings
- videos
- wow

Dear Mr Sandman...

I'm very used to having weird dreams. I'm okay with that. I'd rather have the downright odd dreams than the horrible nightmares. And the dating/sex dreams are definitely better than the horrible nightmares AND the odd dreams.

However, I have a bone to pick with you about your choice of Man. If I can't dream about Jensen Ackles or Ashton Kutcher, or Dr Who, I'm okay with dreaming about a Man I've actually met before. I'm even okay with dreaming about one of my Exes. But why, why, why, why, WHY?!! do I have to dream about the worst one? The one who was a huge mistake, and is now completely and utterly ugly and unattractive and unappealing?

Having said that, thank you for letting me dream about him as he was when I knew him. The first night was vaguely Memory-Lane-ish. The second night was a bit weird. The third night was getting odd. The fourth night was downright disturbing. I do have many other Exes that you could choose from. Much better looking and delicious and interesting ones. Some of whom I actually still give a crap about. If you could see your way clear to making tonight's dream about one of them, I'd be very appreciative.

Yours,

Colette (aged 29 and a half)

10 Days of Haikus

Another emo one:

I close my eyes and
Leave this lost and lonely land
For one where I smile.

10 Days of Haikus

Today's haiku is a little less lighthearted than yesterday. Sorry. I'm feeling down.

Alone and lonely.
Desperate to be loved.
Destined for sadness.

10 Days of Haikus

So I'm trying to blog at least once everyday. Aside from making the bloga little more interesting to read, and also because I'm trying to give myself more of a routine. I have checklists of certain things I want to make sure I do every day.

Usually I have an update for Project 200 or the Discworldathon, or some other randomness to blog about. For days that I don't, I have a list of blog memes/challenges and things. This is the first one.

10 Days of Haikus.

A haiku is a Japanese form of poetry characterised most famously by its structure of 3 lines and 17 vowels. The first line has 5 vowels, the second line has 7 vowels and the third line has 5 vowels. They're short and succinct, but that does NOT make them easy to write. I'm going to attempt to write one a day for the next 10 days.

An extra challenge is that I haven't actually written any poetry in years. I've had writers' block for a good 5 years at least. So wish me luck.

Here's haiku number one:

Sweet potato pie
A crazy mess to create
Delicious to taste

Discworldathon

I've finished another one. I would have finished a second one in the bath yesterday but I ran out of hot water and was getting cold.

So that's 11 of 39 books read, and £95.75 raised

Project 200 - 125/75

Teeny tiny little monkey...


125 down
75 to go

Also... I've done another Hogwarts bookscarf thingy. Still need to do Gryffindor for it to count as a complete Project though.


Project 200 - 124/76

And another one...


124 down
76 to go

Project 200 - 123/77

Quick little rug for the kitchen. I wish I'd had another ball of that yarn... the dimensions are a little off. But it was an old yarn from Lidl. Don't think I can find anymore. It does the job though.


123 down
77 to go

Project 200 - 122/78

Here's another one of those little cross stitch kits I was telling you about. Part of me thinks it needs a little definition... I'm used to outlining. But it's cute nonetheless.



122 down
78 to go

Project 200 - 121/79

In my bedroom, next to my stacks of craft books and magazines and folders, I have a pile of small cross stitch kits. I've decided to work through some of them. Here's the first one...



181 down
79 to go

Project 200 - 120/80

This piece reminds me why I stopped knitting cuddly toys when I learned to crochet. Because although they have their own charm, when I knit cuddly toys they're kinda ugly.



Also.. perhaps I shoulda used a different colour choice...



120 down
80 to go

Discworldathon update

I've finished another two! That's a total of 10 out of 39. Just about a quarter of the way through, when we're just about a quarter of the way through the year.

For a while I thought I might have to increase the total to 40. There's a new Terry Pratchett book out in December. Luckily (?) it's not a Discworld book so I don't HAVE to read it. It's still Terry Pratchett though, so I probably will read it at some point.

So far I've raised £17.25 and have another £78.50 pledged. If you haven't sponsored me already please please do so. The money goes towards Alzheimer's Research UK in honour of Terry Pratchett himself.

The link is http://www.justgiving.com/Colette-Horsburgh

Thank you x

Project 200 - 119/81

I've finished another piece. I like this one. I love the way the letters look like stained glass.



119 down
81 to go

Naked Babies

On my list of blogs to check everyday is the newly listed patterns on Ravelry. I found one today that I just had to share with you. It's a baby hat, and I'm not particularly interested in making it. I just thought the picture was adorable.



There are a lot of naked babies on Ravelry. This one made me giggle.

Project 200 - 118/82

And here's another one. This was a commission piece... for a friend of my mum. In that long post I did there was a picture of the word "Raven" which was for another friend.

118 down
82 to go

FREE GIFT!!!

Hey there. I'm sure you've all heard me mention my etsy store?



If you go there before the end of April 2012 and buy ANYTHING, you get a free pattern of your choice :-) All you have to do is message us once you've paid and let us know which pattern you want.

And... you can get a pattern without any purchase at all! All you have to do is blog about this current offer, and send me a link so I can have a nose.

Back to Normal?

Today I was meant to go back to my "usual" daily life. I have these checklists of things that I need to do everyday. Having the checklists helps me to do them. I haven't been keeping those lists for the past several weeks because of my hospitalization, and recovery. Last week I set today as the date when I'd restart everything.

Except that I feel like crap. I don't want to do anything. I got up several hours ago (despite desperately wanting to stay in bed), but only managed to turn on my shows and sit on the sofa crocheting. Even then the project I was working on was just single crocheting around and around.

I don't want to do anything. Actually that's not true. I want to go back to bed with a box of maltesers. I'm not even that fussed about the maltesers to be honest. The last few nights my dreams have actually been pleasant, and I want to go back to that world.

2012 Fantabulous Things: 101-121

101) The Amazing Race - the tv show. Very, VERY cool.

102) The Simpsons - again, the tv show.

103) Thick tinsel

104) Tim Burton movies

105) Tom Welling

106) Torchwood

107) Twizzlers - only the red ones

108) Vampire movies

109) Variagated embroidery threads

110) Warehouse 13

111) Warm fluffy socks

112) Whittards' white strawberry hot chocolate

113) Wil Wheaton's tweets

114) Wild Boys - the tv show

115) Yankee candles - I just wish they weren't so expensive

116) Yarn dyed especially for me - I got a few skeins for Christmas

117) Youtube videos

118) Zombie movies

119) Extreme Makeover Home Edition - I can't believe they cancelled it :(

120) New jewellery

121) Completing a jigsaw puzzle

I know it's an odd number to stop on, but those are all the ones that I collected last year. I have more... coming up soon.

Discworldathon update

I read quite a few while I was in hospital - mostly because the ward I spent the last week on had no phone signal (and hence no internet).

8 books down
31 to go

Project 200 - 117/83

Here's another one... You can't quite tell what it is there, but it's a cozy for my mum's flask.



117 down
83 to go

Recovering

My operation was 11 days ago, and I'm finding the recovery more mentally exhausting than anything else. I had six wounds - one big, give little. The five little wounds are healing nicely, and don't hurt anymore. The bigger wound got an infection and is now not-very-pretty-in-the-slightest. My GP gave me a course of antibiotics, which I've now finished, but the wound is still healing.

I'm not in pain anymore. The bigger wound is a little uncomfortable, and I had some awkward side effects from the antibiotics, but I'm not in pain.

When I got out of hospital Mum was here looking after me. When Mum went home Cayden moved in to look after me. I've been feeling a lot better, and he went home this afternoon. At first I was insanely relieved. I am very grateful to both Mum and Cayden for giving up their time to look after me, and I appreciate both of them, but since I first called that ambulance I have not been alone. As a loner/shut-in, I'm not used to constant company, and it was starting to get to me. After Cayden had gone home, I was glad to have my solitude again. It was nice to have some quiet, and to feel like my life was back on track.

I watched some shows, did some paperwork, did some washing up, undid all the tiny little changes around here that arose from having other people doing the chores, and had a nice long bubble bath. The bath was insanely nice too - I haven't had a proper bath in weeks. It was a little disconcerting when an inch-long section of my stitches unravelled and just sat there poking out of my belly, but I survived.

And then I decided to venture into the bedroom (where I haven't really been in weeks), to do a little sorting and tidying up. I was only in there 20 minutes. The room now looks a lot less cluttered and a lot more like my bedroom.

Note to self: just because you FEEL better, doesn't mean you ARE better. You'd have thought I'd have learned that lesson back in 2000 when I screwed my ankle. For those who haven't heard - I fell and tore the tendons away from the bone. Dr told me to stay off it for three weeks. After two weeks it stopped hurting so I went back to college, and now it's screwed for life. I have constant pain in that ankle, and it twists/sprains insanely easily. So, as I say, you'd think I would have learned my lesson. Just because you feel better, doesn't mean you are better.

But I'm me. And I just don't learn lessons properly. I really didn't think I'd done too much today, but judging from the pains I now have in my surgical area, I think I overdid it.

So... less work, more rest. If I'm getting this restless and antsy 11 days after the laparscopic operation, it's a bloody good job they didn't have to do open surgery.

Project 200 update

I've changed the format of Project 200. Again.

I was getting very sick of the 200 projects that were left, and couldn't face doing any of them. And I was tired of feeling guilty whenever I found a new pattern. So I changed it.

I'm still doing 200 projects, and I still have to do them by midnight on December 31st 2012. The difference is that it can be ANY projects, not necessarily one from the defined book.

With that in mind, the following projects are now included...



































































Counting all the Filberts as one project, counting the Giant Mini Aliens as one project and counting all the Mini Aliens as one project, the total now stands at:

116 down
84 to go