Life update

It occurred to me that while I've been posting about my new things, and lots of lists and things, I haven't actually given you much of an update about my life. So here we are.

Since I made the decision to drop out of university, I haven't been to any classes. I've spent my time sleeping during daylight hours - which is much more comfortable - and stitching and reading wonderful websites. That and making a trip to Boston and New York, but you know all about that if you read my blog regularly.

Emotionally I haven't had an episode, but I've had little attacks of edgy. Mostly due to tiredness and trouble sleeping, nightmares, homesickness. All the usual suspects. I really really really cannot wait to get home. I miss home. I miss the people, and my stuff and my bed. I miss crunchies, and bacon sandwiches, and charity shops and the buses and all kinds of stupid little things. I miss my brownies, and I miss Jen, and I miss Neil. I just wanna go home. And it'll be soon. 20 days until my flight to England, another 7 days after that til I get home to Stoke. Spending Christmas with my mum and sisters. Which should be... fun. Lol. I love them both dearly, but sometimes they get a little much to handle. We'll see how it goes I guess.

Physically things aren't bad. I have my constant headaches - but Ibuprofen tends to take care of that. I used to be concerned about the amount of Ibuprofen I was taking, but it's not too bad now. I still take it daily, but it's down to 3 pills a day. Usually in the morning with my anti-depressant. My ankle has been aching a whole lot, which concerns me because I haven't actually been overusing it. Maybe it's the New York trip catching up on me. I don't know. I'm pretty sure that it hurts more here in America, so maybe when I get home it'll ease up. Neil keeps telling me to go see the dr about it. I might, although I'm pretty sure he's just going to tell me I need to lose weight. Which is true I guess. But that isn't going to help my ankle in the meantime.

I am going back to Weightwatchers in the new year though. I'm comfortable with my curves. I like my figure. But I am never going to able to have children the weight I am now. With my dodgy ovaries it's almost a physical impossibility. And so I go to lose weight. With pictures of little babies all over the fridge and my wallet. There are other benefits to losing weight. Smaller wedding dress, less pressure on my ankle, fewer fat-related problems, easier to find clothes in my size, more energy. I know all this. I just don't like dieting. I like my food damnit!! I like to eat whole tubs of ice cream in one sitting. I like going back for seconds and thirds. I don't like dieting. But I guess my desire to be a mother is stronger.

At the moment I'm sat here on the sofa of our currently santa's-grotto-looking common area - Heather came home from Thanksgiving and put up all kinds of twinkly lights - watching some shows on Hulu. In a few minutes I'm going to get dressed, then go over to the cafeteria (which reminds me, I had a dream about the cafeteria - how screwed up is that?) to get carbohydrate-laden breakfast. Pancakes and waffles here I come!! After that I have errands to run. Printing, yarn store, post office, Walmart. Need to get a bigger suitcase.

I did a practice pack the other day. I brought a medium sized suitcase from a yard sale a month or so ago and I needed to see if it was big enough. I can get everything packed in that and the large one I came with, but only if I don't take the comforter Neil brought me online and only if I take my backpack as carry on as well as my purse. I really don't wanna do that. I kinda want to take the comforter back, mostly 'cause it was a present from Neil. And I would prefer to take as little carry on as possible, mostly because I'll be more comfortable while I'm waiting and transferring and things. So, we go to Walmart to buy a new suitcase. A bigger suitcase. As far as I can tell though, unless I leave the rest of my clothes behind (and I've already cut them down by half) I'm still only going to be able to resolve one issue. Unless I get really really good at packing. Again, I'll have to see. I really like the comforter.

I'm rambling. Completely. It's very early in the morning and I've been up since 5pm yesterday (with a coupla hours of napping on the sofa). According to the way I've been living, this is mid evening for me. And I'm about to go out and be busy for the rest of the day. Red Bull here I come.

I should stop typing. Stop blogging. I have nothing to say. I'm just rambling and typing nonsense. But I like to type, and I have nothing to really type at the moment, so I'm typing nonsense and rubbish. Lol. You were warned. There is a disclaimer on my blog. You were warned there would be nonsense and rambling.

Ok, I'm going now.

You Know You're a Knitting Dork When....

(Shamelessly stolen from this discussion on Ravelry. These are my favourite ones.)

- When you plan extra projects so there is always one to carry on a road trip
- You're the only person who isn't bored during fire drills, because you brought a sock with you
- You carry a second project in your bag in case you finish the first one - even when you're just going to the post office
- You ask strangers if you can feel their sweater, or get uncomfortably close to them so you can see the stitch pattern
- You don't do ANY work on the computer until you've checked the Yarn Harlot's blog
- You literally dream about knitting
- You can somehow manage to include the words "yarn", "needles" or "knitting" into EVERY conversation
- Your family and friends no longer freak out when you bring your knitting out in public
- You start a knitting group at your school
- When you'd rather take public transport than drive, because that way you have some time to knit
- When you don't feel that a project is completed until you've put it on Ravelry and blogged about it
- When you knit in a bar and the ice in your drink melts because you keep telling yourself you'll take a sip after the next row
- When packing for a vacation you think about your knitting before you think about your clothes
- When in the middle of sex you wonder how long much longer it's going to take because you have a really good project on the needles
- When you visit a new city the first thing you do is look for a yarn store
- When you fly someplace for a visit and you acquire so much new yarn that you have to leave some clothes behind to get all the yarn home. One suitcase for yarn, one for clothes.
- When you seen patterns inspired by your favorite sci-fi/fantasy books and think, “Holy crap! I can be a dork in two ways at once! I’m saving time!
- When you know longer think of a UFO as an unidentified flying object
- When you search for patterns so simple you can use them in the dark cinema
- When your boyfriend has learned not to remove your knitting from your hands because the first time he did it you stabbed him in the stomach with a needle
- When your boyfriend (and friends) has started to say "when you finish that row..." before he asks you to do anything
- You try and explain 'tink' and 'frog' to non-knitters and are baffled when they don't find it as funny as you do
- You know that your partner is 'the one' when he'll happily sit and hold some yarn while you handwind it
- When you check whether an airline allows knitting needles BEFORE you check baggage restrictions or price

There are more to come. It's a 68 page thread at the moment and I don't have time to read them all in one shot. Feel free to comment and add your own additions though.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!



Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Bloooooooggggggg,
Happy Birthday to you!

One year of complete and utter random nonsense down, infinite more to go :-)

New Thing # 43

Date:- 26th November 2009
New Think:- eat banana creme pie

Among the delicious goodies from Thanksgiving at Marnie's, she fed me banana creme pie. I'm not sure why I've never had it before, but I'm very annoyed that I've wasted 27 years of being able to eat it. I plan on eating a lot more of it.



I'm going to get Marnie to send me her recipe, so that I can make more of it. And more and more and more and more.

New Thing # 42

Date:- 26th November 2009
New Thing:- Thanksgiving in America

I've celebrated Thanksgiving before. Jen and I had a highly successful celebration with Luke and Bryan a few years ago. And chances are that we'll do it again. However, this was the first time I celebrated Thanksgiving in America, with Americans. I went to my friend Marnie's (she's the one who fed me the moose steak. She and her husband Del invited me in with open arms and I spent the day with them, Marnie's sister Karen and her two teenage kids Kate and George - who are very cool, and Marnie and Del's daughter Mariah, her husband Christopher and their absolutely beautiful little kids Hannah and Andrew.

It was a great day. When I arrived I watched the Macy's parade on the television, which is traditional. We had delicious food, including cranberry sauce straight from the can - it was sliced! After dinner Christopher took on the role of uncle who falls asleep and snores in the living room. It was a great day!





New Thing # 41

Date:- 21st November 2009
New Thing:- Hold a human brain

Now, I could have chosen "going to the Bodies exhibit" as my new thing, but it's much more fun to have that I held a human brain. I wrote about the exhibit in this blog, but here's a bit more and some pictures too.

It (the brain) was really heavy, but the guy said it was cos of the preservation technique. That they'd basically turned it into plastic. It took a while for my brain to realise that I wasn't just holding another model of a brain, that this one came from a real person and that it was a real brain. Then I nearly dropped it. It was very cool and very gross and very fascinating all at the same time. I couldn't help but think about all the thoughts that had gone through that brain, about all the memories in there.

We weren't allowed to take photos, but here's a picture of a random brain....



And here are a few more pictures...



New Thing # 40

Date:- 21st November 2009
New Thing:- See the Blue Man Group

Again, I've already written about this here, but it was a new thing, so it counts.

I SAW THE BLUE MAN GROUP!! They absolutely rocked. I had soooo much fun.





And this is a wad of the paper from the spectacular finale.



I've been to the theater a million times, but this one had a special significance because my darling Neil brought the ticket for my birthday present. Of course, he needed prompting, but I don't mind that. Thank you again handsome!

New Thing # 39

Date:- 19th November 2009
New Thing:- Visit Boston

I won't go into too much detail about this, because I've already written about my trip here, but I've never been to Boston, so it was a new thing. It was quite possibly my least favourite new thing of the lot. Being groped, mugged and being in a crash do not add up to a good experience in a new city. Having Sideshow Bob as your landlord is kinda cool though.



It's very blurry, but if you look you can see that the hostel was run by one Robert Terwilliger. SIDESHOW BOB!!!!

Awesome things

Somewhere on my internet travels I came across a blog called 1000 Awesome Things, where the guy counts down 1000 things that he thinks are awesome. Fairly obvious really. But it is very cool. Reading through it you find yourself chuckling and nodding your head in agreement and being amazed because you thought you were the only weirdo who found that cool. He's only down to number 625 at the moment, but here are the things I've agreed with so far. Some of them are links to the guys explanation of them. Actually, I think it might be a girl.

- finding money you didn't even know you lost
- the smell of gasoline
- wearing underwear just out of the dryer
- picking your nose
- illegal naps
- sleeping in new bed sheets
- sneezing three or more times in a row
- using rock-paper-scissors to settle anything
- being the first person into a really crowded movie theater and getting the prime seats
- planning for snoozes
- when cashiers open up new check-out lanes at the grocery store
- rain hair
- the smell of rain on a hot sidewalk
- using Q-tips the way you're not supposed to use them
- a really cold glass of water on a really hot day
- finally getting out a piece of popcorn that's been stuck in your teeth all day
- the first scoop out of a jar of peanut butter
- the sound of scissors cutting construction paper
- when you're really tired and about to fall asleep and someone throws a blanket on you
- snow days
- peeling an orange in one shot
- bakery air
- hanging your hand out the window of a car
- getting something with actual handwriting on it in the mail
- the smell of frying onions
- roasting the perfect marshmallow
- picking scabs
- paying for something with exact change
- the sound of a solid crack from a good break in billiards
- taking your shoes and socks off after a really long day
- taking off your bra after wearing it for hours
- the smell and sound of a campfire
- the five second rule
- the other side of the pillow
- old, classic board games
- absolute perfect silence
- when your microwave pops microwave popcorn perfectly
- pushing those little buttons on the soft drink cup lid
- the smell of freshly cut grass
- popping bubble wrap
- remembering what movie that guy is from
- doing something half-assed at the last minute and getting away with it
- finding the tv remote after looking forever
- the smell of crayons
- that one really good pen that never gets lost
- the sound of rain from inside the tent
- watching something download really fast
- putting potato chips on a sandwich
- reading the nutritional label and eating it anyway
- getting into a bed with clean sheets after shaving your legs
- watching your odometer click over a major milestone
- when you arrive at a bus stop just as the bus is coming around the corner
- getting the booth side of a restaurant table
- celebrating your pet's birthday even though they have no idea what's goig on
- getting the last piece of sleep out of your eye
- dangling your feet in water
- the smell of play-doh
- sleeping with one leg under the covers and one leg out
- the final seconds of untangling a really big knot
- placing the last piece of the puzzle
- waking up to the smell of sizzling bacon
- emptying the recycling bin on your computer
- a long hug when you really need it
- taking the price tag off in one clean peel
- when you open your cell phone and there are a bunch of text messages waiting
- turning off all the lights during a thunderstorm
- when the person scratching your back finds that one really itchy spot
- screaming at characters in movies to do things
- sneaking cheaper candy into the movie theater
- vacuuming a dirty carpet and hearing all the tiny rocks going through the hose
- when the plane suddenly speeds up on the runway
- peeling that thin plastic film off new electronics
- the sound of steaks hitting a hot grill
- peeling your socks off under the sheets

And here are a couple of my own submissions...

- when you place a piece in Tetris that clears the whole screen
- the smell of old books
- having a fresh blank clean new notebook
- smell of freshly ironed clothes, especially ones that you haven't had to iron yourself

There will be more

Things I miss, and things I will miss

THINGS I MISS FROM ENGLAND

milkshakes
crunchie bars
Neil's arms
Jen's smell
Michaela's grin
Mum's cooking
caffe nero
my stash
stitch and bitch
my Brownies
my bed

THINGS I WILL MISS WHEN I LEAVE AMERICA

grape juice
Branden
barnes and noble
hulu
the accents
twizzlers
hershey's

Boston and New York - part three

Sunday was a bust. I woke up feeling really ill, and my fat issues had progressed to the point where it hurt like hell every time I moved. And while I'm a fan of pain in the right situations, this was not the right situation. So, despite feeling guilty for wasting a day in New York, I stayed in and rested. I had to go to the lobby and recheck in for the night, so while I was downstairs I went to the computer rooms and used all my single dollar bills on the internet machines. Lots of websites to check up on. After that I went back up to the dorm and spent the day alternately sleeping, reading, stitching and sitting in the windowsill people watching. What a waste.

Monday I woke up feeling better, and the fat issue had started to subside, which is just as well because I had a bus to catch and even if I'd been in excruciating pain I'd still have had to move. I caught the Megabus from New York, which was late. It got stuck in traffic, and decided to stop randomly outside a toll booth somewhere, making us even later, which meant that I missed my connection in Boston. This connection would have gotten me back to Maine at 8.15pm, with plenty of time to catch a public bus to Portland town center and another public bus to the Portland USM campus in time to get the last free shuttle bus at 10pm back to the Gorham campus where I live. Except that the bus was late, and I missed that nice handy connection.

The next bus from Boston would get me to Maine at 9.15pm. Not enough time for the barely-there public transportation system to get me to the campus in time for the last shuttle bus. After working this out I sat silently for a minute, with the word "crap" resounding in my head. I thought about it. It wasn't too bad. I could sit in the student center watching my shows on the computers all night until the first shuttle bus on the Tuesday. But wait, did they leave the student center open 24 hours? OH CRAP.

What to do, what to do? I have no cell phone, and I hadn't taken my laptop. No way to contact any of the people I know who have cars. Bloody wonderful. Cue panic. I had a mild panic attack in Boston South Station. I really didn't want to spend 10 hours sat in the cold on a bench outside the student center. Not my idea of fun.

Now, I've lived alone for a decade, and I've always considered myself fairly independent and capable of taking care of myself - sort of. I'm not. Not at all. I take it back. I'm very very dependent. I couldn't do anything without Neil's help. Yep, I went running to Neil again. I dug $5 in dimes and nickels out of my bag because it's all I had left and brought an international calling card from a vendor in the station. Was NOT happy about the all the change. I used the calling card to ring my darling Neil's cell phone and hope he was awake. This is about midnight English time. No answer. I left a message on his answerphone explaining the situation and begging him to transfer some money into my bank account so I could get a taxi from the Portland bus depo to the Portland campus. I explained it all in a hurried and rushed voice, hung up, then promptly burst into tears. Right in Boston South Station. Have I mentioned that I do not like Boston?

I tried Neil again five minutes later. Still no answer. I believe the message I left him that time was mostly sobbing. I tried again in another five minutes and the wonderful darling perfect amazing man answered. He'd transferred me the money. So I had the cash and got the taxi and got to Portland in time to get the shuttle bus and made it home safe and sound and exhausted. I really don't know what I'd do or where I'd be without him. He's so good to me.

It was a long and exhausting weekend, but I had a good trip. Despite horrible Boston and sick days and panic attacks, I really enjoyed myself and I'm very glad I went. A little disappointed that I didn't get to do some of the things I'd planned. I never made it to Mood, or to the Garment District, and I never took my ride on the Staten Island ferry, and I never made my trip to a certain jewellers in honor of my darling best friend, and I never made it to the zoo, and I never made it to the natural history museum and all kinds of other things I'd had planned. But New York is not going anywhere, and neither are all the things I missed out on. I WILL be back. I just might not go through Boston next time.

Boston and New York - the pictures













All of the pictures I took can be seen on Facebook, these are just my favourites.

Boston and New York - part two

Today has been incredible. I'm utterly exhausted, but I've had a brilliant day. Starting off with getting lost, and having to take seven trains to go two stops, but that's okay. I like to people watch.

I SAW THE BLUE MAN GROUP!! The theatre was not so impressive. Very small, seats so tiny my ass is still bruised. But the show!! The show was magnificent. The Blue Men are so very cool. They don't speak, and they keep mostly straight faces, but they manage to show so much curiousity and passion and love and friendship and entertainment with their glances at one another. They did the famed paint drumming, and then some paint spitting, and various little bits and pieces that were all just so hilarious I can't begin to describe them. YOU MUST GO AND SEE THE BLUE MEN. BLUE MEN RULE!!! I wish to God I'd brought that DVD they had on sale. Very very very very very funny. And it had what is officially the best finale of all time. They switched on blacklights, and covered the audience in what was essentially toilet paper. Lots and lots of toilet paper. Rolls and rolls of the stuff. They fed it down from the back, and from the ceiling. And they had luminescent tubes of plastic swinging around, and there was strobe lighting and black lights and flashing and drumming and clapping and feet stamping and just general brilliantness. I can't rave about these guys enough. They were absolutely incredible. Side note to say thank you soooooo much to my darling Neil for buying me the ticket as a birthday present. I love you!!

After that I went for a wander around some shops and found a gorgeous one called Papyrus. Sells what it says on the tin. Paper. Mostly cards and notesets and things. They had some delicious journals. I picked one up and fell in love with it. It was thick and leather and a dark dark red with gold sketching and smooth soft paper and it smelt so good. And I knew it was going to be expensive, but I decided I'd splash out and buy myself a lovely gift. Until I saw the price. $80 is a little out of my price range for a journal I'm afraid. But it hurt to put it back on the shelf.

Next stop - The Bodies Exhibit. You know that Dr Gunther guy who did autopsies on the TV and has exhibitions of bodies and things? Well it's not by him (or endorsed or associated with in any way - according to the signs) but it's that kind of thing. Look it up. It's brilliant. I wasn't sure if I'd enjoy it, and I'm still not sure whether I did or not, but it was certainly interesting. The exhibits were creepy, amazing and so intricate. I had no idea about some of that stuff. It was really cool. I nearly burst into tears when I saw a slice of an emphysema infected lung, but I didn't. It's gross. I touched a lung too. I touched part of a healthy one which was kinda gross and spongy, and then I touched a lung from a smoker. Hard as a rock. And black too. Very unhealthy. I've never smoked, never wanted to, but if I did, I'd have quit today. One of the exhibit rooms was a little hard to cope with and they did provide a bypass for people who didn't want to see it. Fetuses. Very teeny tiny babies. Right from 4 days after conception to full term. So small. So very small and disturbing. It was hard to think that they were real babies, not models. They were real, dead babies. Very disturbing, but fascinating. They had a pair of conjoined twins too. Joined at the stomach. It was weird. The reproductive exhibit was kinda weird too. I had no idea how small the uterus is. A baby fits in that?!! No fricking way. And the vaginal canal? That thing is tiny. No more sex for me!! And if that hadn't put me off, then I saw a cross section of a penis. No way I'm going near one of those things ever again. I think the weirdest thing in the exhibit though was in one of the first rooms, demonstrating skeletal and muscular structures. They had a skeleton linking fingers with a muscle body and they were both leaning back, but supporting each other. Pretty cool. Then I read the sign. It was the same dude!! They'd taken the skeleton out and stood it next to its body!! Freaky! It was pricey, but I'm very glad I went. Amazing stuff.

After the heaviness of dead babies and black lungs and penis aversion therapy, I needed some light relief. So I rode the buses around randomly for a while before heading to another movie. Planet 51. Very good. Lots of jokes for the grown ups too, and lots of references to other movies. Made me laugh a lot. Will definitely be getting it when it comes out on DVD.

Not sure what the plan is for tomorrow. I had planned on going to the Bronx Zoo and/or the Museum of Natural History (plus spaceshow), but my ankle is really really killing me and both those activities involve lots of walking. Also, I'm having a bit of a fat girl issue which is making walking uncomfortable at the moment. I'm tempted to head to the Garment District. I still have to go to Mood, and I cannot possibly leave the city without visiting at least six or seven of those trimming stores I saw on the way in. Maybe an open bus tour too? We'll see.

Boston and New York - part one

So I arrived in Boston safely, after a nice comfy coach trip with free movie and snack. Very cool. Boston, however, is ugly. It's ugly and mean. I was groped by some pervert on the subway, when I went to get a drink in Dunkin Donuts a twat tried to steal my bag, and when I went on a random bus journey to calm down, the flipping bus crashed! It hit a stop and shattered the windows. Joy.

I ended up in the only good thing about Boston. It's beautiful public library. It's like a mansion! So gorgeous. I'll be adding pictures when I'm back at my own computer. Oh, the second good thing about Boston is that I won some money on a scratchcard. Woohoo.

I was supposed to be spending another night in Boston on Sunday but I decided I wasn't having any of that and made arrangements to stay here in New York another night instead, and I am sooooo glad I did. I love New York. From the second we crossed the bridge I felt so much better. This city is amazing.

Of course, being me, the first thing I did when I got settled at the hostel was something I could do absolutely anywhere. I went to see a movie. 2012. Now, I know that global disaster movies terrify the pants off me. This is not news. So why did I go see one on my own? Why did I go see THAT one? Cos I'm completely insane. I spent most of the movie with my hands over my face peeking through my fingers. I think, for the first time in my life, had Neil been there I would have buried my head in a man's shoulder during the movie. Oh, another comment. Of all the dog breeds on the planet, they had to save that one?! Seriously? It's not a dog!! It spends about two seconds walking on the ground on it's own. A dog that can be carried is not a dog!!

Anyway, I digress. After the movie I treated myself to dinner at a place that wasn't a major fastfood/sub sandwich chain. I went to a semi fancy cafe. When I say fancy, I mean that my water glass never had a chance to get empty cos there was a guy who's whole job was to wander round topping everyone's glass up. Forget that, when was the last time I went to a place that provided glasses of water?

Next up was Times Square. I'll quickly brush over my several hour long visit to the M&M store and the Hershey's store. The receipts have been burned. No one can prove how much money I spent. I'll never tell!! Let's just say I won't need to buy chocolate for about a year. In theory.

I'm back in the hostel now, about to go up to bed, but I have one last bit of news to share. I was sat in McDonalds writing postcards and enjoying a McFlurry and this middle-aged couple comes up to me and asks me if I know the way to the Lincoln Center. I tell them which way I think it is and they (like every other American I've ever met) pick up on the accent.

"Oh, you're from England? Here for business or pleasure?"
"Pleasure, just a vacation."
"Can we ask a question? My wife has always wanted to have sex with a larger lady...."

At this point I told them to go away. Now, I'm not sure whether I got hit on by a middle-aged couple, or whether they were taking the piss. If it was the latter, they were REALLY good at keeping a straight face. It was very weird. I felt ridiculously uncomfortable. So I left. With my McFlurry.

More adventures to come.

HSKS 9 - Thanksgiving themed assignment

This week Celticmommy (aka our team captain Siobhan Mooney) challenged us to blog about what we are thankful for. She demonstrated with a nice colourful tree painting with little leaves. I love that idea, it's one I do with my Brownies nearly every year, but this year I'm 3000 miles away from all my crafty stuff, so I don't have the stuff I need to make a tree, so I'm just going to a plain old blog post. However, here is a nice tree picture...



And because it's a thanksgiving themed post, here's a picture of a turkey.



Yummy yummy!

I'm thankful for a lot of things. A lot more than I was thankful for a year ago. This time last year I was stressing about university, and Neil and I were broken up, and my best friend had just been dumped and things were just generally very messy. This year things are a lot lot better.

I'm thankful for my best friend Jen. I love you dearly and I miss you so much.

I'm thankful for the second chance I've been given with Neil. Being apart from you last year was hell and having you back in my life makes the empty hole inside me go away.

I'm thankful for my family. For Jennie and Michaela and Mum. I still have a lot of issues with my family, with my Dad's side mostly, but thanks to Jennie and Michaela and Mum refusing to give up on me - no matter how screwed up I am - I still have a family I can turn to.

Speaking of family, I am very very very thankful for my Mum. We've had some major ups and downs and there were a lot of times we didn't like each other very much. But she has been a wonderful, forgiving, understanding and open-minded mother. So many of my friends have had to face horrible disappointment and judgment from their family for decisions they make. My mum has never ever done that, and even after all I put her through, she is still there for me. And everyone else in the world.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to come to America and fulfil a lifelong dream, even if it has made me realise that I don't want to continue with university.

I'm thankful for Ravelry, and all the new friends I've made there, and for the wonderful swaps. There is nothing quite like receiving packages of goodies on a day that isn't a birthday or christmas.

I'm thankful for my health. I'm morbidly overweight, incredibly unfit, I suffer from terrible headaches, my shoulder aches 75% of the time and my ankle is screwed. But I can see, and I can touch, and I have full use of my hands and legs. I can breathe okay, I'm not riddled with any fatal diseases. I am alive, and I'm thankful for that.

I'm thankful for everyone in my life who makes me glad to be alive. In the past I've spent a lot of time wishing I wasn't, and the people in my life at the moment bring me out of that suicidal mess. There is nothing you can do for a person that is more special and precious than making them glad to be alive.

Hair

This post is a little more girly than I usually write, but forgive me. I need to have a small rant.

I'm not one of those girls that will get up five hours early in order to sort their hair and pile on the makeup and try on every outfit in their wardrobe. I don't wear makeup, apart from those occasions when Jen does it for me, and I tend to wear whatever I feel comfortable in. As for my hair, well it's usually pulled up and out of the way because I get too hot with it down. But I love my hair. Aside from a disturbing tendency to molt - EVERYWHERE - I love my hair. It's deliciously soft and silky, and I pay £50 every few months to get the best hairdresser in the world to trim it and colour it. In January I plan on going back and getting my bleached highlights put back in so I can have streaks of bright colour again.

I like my hair.

Why am I telling the whole wide internet this? Because America does not like my hair. Everytime I wash it out here, it feels scratchy and tight and horrible. At first I assumed it was just the cheap shampoo I'd brought at Walmart because it smelt nice. So I changed the shampoo. I went and got some Head n Shoulders type stuff. Still the same. Considering the fact that at home I don't use conditioner, and I wash it with £1 bottles of strawberry scented shampoo, I'm beginning to suspect it isn't the shampoo I'm using here. I think it might be the water. Is that a reasonable assumption? Is it possible for water here to be so very very different from water back in England?

Whatever it is, it's annoying. I'm going to try a third shampoo, but I can't wait to get back home. I can't wait to get back to David (the amazing hairdresser) so he can work his magic. I miss my silky soft hair. I do not like it at the moment.

Let me sum it up for knitters. At home my hair is cashmere. Here, it's 100% acrylic. Not good.

The Great Blackout of 2009

Written on notepad while the internet was down.

Since I've been here at USM there have been one or two blackouts. Mostly at the start of term, and I don't think any of them lasted more than an hour. Until today.

Today I woke up at about five pm, to the setting sun, to be informed by my roommates that we haven't had any power for about an hour. Our dorm is completely out, other dorms have lost some or all power. I don't think there's a single building on campus that has full power.

That was two hours ago. There is still no power. I'm sat up on my bed, looking out the window, and I'm mildly amused by the gang of 7 or 8 mechanics gathered around the big fuse box looking completely perplexed. I wonder if we'll ever get any power back. I hope so. My laptop battery can only last another 19 minutes. What am I gonna do after it dies? I have no torch. Go back to sleep? I'm tempted to go have a shower. The bathroom is fun at the best of times. There are no windows, so if you don't turn the light on, it's pitch black. I went in earlier and there wasn't even any ambient light from outside coming under the door. It was soooo much fun. One of the things eon my bucket list is to experience one of those sensory deprivation chambers. The bathroom during a blackout came pretty close, for my optical senses at least. Not a single bit of light. And my eyes were doing those kind of kaleidoscope light things. It was gorgeous. And a little mesmerising.

Another mesmerising sight during this powerout is the sky. I'm in Maine, and I'd always expected to see a few stars at night, but with the lights from campus there's never really been any visible. Until today. I went and sat on the steps outside for a while. It was beautiful! The stars were so bright. There are two constellations I can always recognise. The plough, and Orion. I couldn't stop Orion tonight, but I found the plough. Took me a while though, I was looking for something smaller. It was HUGE. I wish I could have taken a picture of it. I did try, but I guess I wasn't using the right technique. The best I got was a blurry picture from some dude's headlights. My sister Jennie is an excellent photographer, and she has a degree in astro something or other. I used to know, I've forgotten now. Stars and space and all that stuff. I'll ask her how to take photos of stars. I'm guessing I'd need a tripod, and a long exposure. I don't have a tripod, so I'm screwed for now.



In the meantime, I'm going to have a pitch black shower. Either that, or go back to sleep. I wonder how long this power out is gonna last.

Note: the blackout lasted about four hours. I fell asleep and when I woke up the power was back.

A difficult decision

For a month or so I've been struggling with a pretty huge decision. It hasn't been easy, and I've put a lot of thought into it. I'm dropping out of university.

I first mentioned this to my closest friends during an episode and they were understandably worried that it was the depression talking, and not me. I understand and accept their fears, and I've listened to every opinion everyone concerned has had. But I need to make a decision that is right for me and I've finally done that.

It isn't a rushed decision. I've thought about it very carefully, I've weighed up the pros and cons of staying, and the pros and cons of leaving, and what my options are. And I really think that leaving is the best thing. I've had trouble with university right from the start, mostly with my attendance. My depression gives me incredible trouble leaving the house at times, and it gives me trouble focussing on work and reading. I tried hard, but kept managing to sabotage myself - as regular readers will have noticed. The only thing that kept me going throughout last year was the idea of coming here. And after I failed my history module, even that nearly wasn't incentive enough.

I'm loving my time out here in America, and I'm so very glad I made it. I don't regret coming out here at all, it is a lifelong dream come true. But the courses are as boring and frustrating to me as the courses back at Keele. I don't want to keep going with uni. I LOVE uni life. I love the library at Keele, and some of the bars, and the people, and the societies. I love Keele - and I'll still visit the campus regularly - I just don't like the courses.

When I originally applied for Keele, the only reason I chose a single honours degree was because not a single one of the other options appealed to me in the slightest. And it turns out that American politics bores the hell out of me as well. History not so much, but it still bores me. I wrote my list of reasons to stay at university and had two options: for the student loans, and because I'd get a lot of people telling me "I knew you'd never make it." Neither of them good enough reasons to stay.

Since I've made the decision I've had a big weight lifted from me. You know that metaphorical weight from your shoulders? It's not just a metaphor. I really do feel so much lighter and better having made the decision. I know that people are concerned I've screwed up my life, but let's face it? I was screwed up before. :-) I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I haven't known for years.

I've been thinking about what I'm going to do instead of university, and quite frankly, I'm not entirely sure. I'm going to spend a few weeks doing nothing! Relaxing. Stitching whenever I like without feeling guilty, reading what I want, sleeping what I want, not forcing myself to be around people when I don't want to be. Just chillin. After that I'm going to look into getting a job, but I'm not going to grab at anything just because it's a job. It needs to be something I'd feel comfortable with. Maybe clerical stuff. I loved the volunteer work I did for the YMCA a few years ago. I love organising, and filing, and typing and all that.

I'm also going to look into doing online courses. The Open University has a creative writing course that I'm interested in. One of my plans - for after university and for my life in general - is to get rid of my damn writer's block. I have so many ideas in my head, not to mention a semi-written novel I want to finish at some point. Maybe the creative writing course will help.

I'm also, and this will surprise some people, going to do some maths courses. Humanities is a pain in the ass. There are no set answers. I don't like it. Maths is definite. I may not be that good at it, so I'm taking little free refresher courses online - starting right back at GCSE level. I like to learn, I'm just not liking what I'm learning at the moment. The maths is fun. Apparently I'm more of a nerd than I thought.

I'm also working on the option of opening an Etsy store - in conjuction with some friends. I know some people from Ravelry read my blog occasionally, if any of you have any Etsy advice I'd be very happy to hear it.

I know that the biggest worry a lot of people have about me dropping out is that I'm going to collapse in on myself and disappear into a big cloud of depression and hibernation and isolation. I understand their fears. It's a viable fear, and something I'm a little concerned about myself. But I'm going to try hard not to let it happen. I'm still going to help run Stitch and Bitch, and I still have my Brownies, and I'm still going to visit friends. I'm going to continue getting my bus passes and ride my buses around randomly. I'm starting Weightwatchers again in the new year too, and I want to go swimming more, if I can get myself a swimming costume.

It's highly possible that I really am making a very huge mistake, but it's also possible that I'm doing the best thing for me. We'll see I guess. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my time here in America. Next week I'm going to Boston and New York - which I'm REALLY excited about.

Yet another branch of stitchwork

So, I cross stich, embroider, crochet and knit. I also make little felt stuffs. And now, now I sew too. Thanks to Walmart and their $1 fabric squares. I started to make a christmas tree advent calendar ages ago. Since then I've collected a whole back of different fabrics, and a strong desire to purchase a sewing machine.

Here's the final project:



And here are the lessons I've learned:

1 - Patterns exist for a reason. When you wing it, you end up making big mistakes.

2 - When you're cutting out a shape to sew, you need to leave a border.

3 - Sew numbers and things on to pockets BEFORE you sew the whole project together. And/or learn to draw accurately with fabric paints.

4 - When making pockets, make them big enough to put something in.

5 - I need a sewing machine. Sewing by hand takes forever.

6 - Get some wadding, or accept the fact that you'll be using old clothes to pad things out.

A new web cartoon

During my internet browsings I came across this website of cartoons about everyday women. Of course I went through the archives. Here are my favourites.



This is me whenever I go to bed. My brain just does not shut up.






This is my excuse for maintaining my majestic figure.



This one reminds me of Jen sooooooo much.

New Thing # 38

Date:- November 7th 2009
New Thing:- attend the wedding of a gay man and a straight woman.

Bride - Holly Beaumont Wilkes
Groom - Fletcher Keene
Officiated by - Reptar







This is the kind of thing that happens at universities.

My very own Fail blog submission

HSKS 9 - more teasers

Dear Mutz aka Intarsia Bindoff (I love that name!!)

I finally finished the ___________. Please please please ignore my not so skillful ________ of the ___________. I can never get the hang of them. It looks fine from the outside, but please don't look too closely at the inside.

It looks a little plain though, I'm gonna add some ______________ with some ____________. Your box is nearly half full already. I think I've met all the proper requirements, now I'm just adding delightful goodies and things. All stuff to make you smile when you open it. All to apologise for the horrible horrible teasers I keep leaving you.

Celeena Cree

November so far

Since Halloween I've had a fairly eventful week, mostly thanks to my new friend Branden.



Sunday night was the British Culture Share here on the international floor of Philippi Hall. My fellow Brits prepared a scrumptious feast, starting with scones with clotted cream and jam, with good old English tea, followed by Toad in the Hole (try explaining to an American what toad in the hole is) with mash and gravy, and topped off with apple crumble, victoria sponge and vanilla ice cream. It all went down a big success. Everyone loved the food. Including me! Made me a little nostalgic for home. I've been really missing roast dinners, and the toad in the hole made me miss it even more. That and Crunchies!! If anyone fancies posting me a couple of Crunchies, feel free!!!!

After the culture share Branden and I stayed in the TV lounge watching movies til silly o'clock in the morning, which has become a bit of a habit. We've done the same thing most nights this week. I've watched more movies this week than I've watched since I got here and discovered Hulu.

Tuesday night I went back to TnT, despite last week's Harry Potter fiasco. We did quite well. At a certain point we were winning, but apparently general knowledge is not our teams forte and we ended up losing miserably. It's the damn negative marking. In the later rounds, if we get a question wrong you lose loads of points. I won't be going next week - it's a sport theme and I know absolutely nothing about sport, plus I should really make an appearance to class. But I'll be there the week after for the American themed one. The organiser thinks it'd be hilarious if a Brit won the American themed quiz.

Wednesday was the USM talent show. There were only five competitors, but Holly (one of the Brits) was in it, so we all went along to cheer her on. Unfortunately she was robbed, but she came in third place. I still think she should have won.

And yesterday was the best day of all so far. Branden and I had planned to go see a proper movie in a movie theater, (ooo look at me with my American vernacular) but I overslept so we missed it. But I had an appointment to get tattooed, and I made that. I'd gone in last week and made the appointment, to get a little tattoo for their minumum price of $70. I'd narrowed it down to 4 separate ones, but I couldn't decide. Even sat in Starbucks ten minutes before the appointment I still couldn't decide. So I asked the artist what it'd cost for two. $80. An extra tattoo for ten bucks? Hell yeah!



After the delightful, painful, erotic, wonderful experience that is getting inked, we went shopping. I dragged Branden in to the yarn store cos I had some stuff to get, and he ended up sat next to an old lady who taught him how to crochet. It was hilarious. I'm vaguely jealous about how quickly he picked it up though. It took me forever.

On to the mall to buy giant fluffy purple slippers and a movie called "The Night of 1000 Cats". Lol. It was a good day. I like having new friends.

Barnaby


New Thing # 37

Date:- October 31st 2009
New Thing:- Try a corn dog

While we were waiting for the coach home from Salem yesterday, a little boy wandered past me eating a corn dog and I realised I'd never had one. And I really wanted one. So Branden went running into the food court place to get me one, and consequently almost made himself late for the bus.

This is a corn dog...



It is, as far as I can tell, a sausage cooked in a honeyed batter type thing. It was... it was weird. The batter was sooooo sweet, and then there was the sausage. It was nice. I wouldn't say no to another one.