I'm aware I haven't written in a week and a bit. Things are a bit hectic, and it doesn't help that Archimedes (my beloved laptop) is ridiculously slow cos it doesn't have enough memory).
First of all, I did do a New Thing last week, but I did it Thursday night, and was too tired to write it up before I went to bed, and Friday morning things went a bit kablooey with N. I had an episode, then ended up going to Preston to sort things out, and I never got round to writing it up. I will do it though. Later.
Got home Sunday and fell asleep, had lectures Monday, went to Pyrates and played video games (well, GKL and I knitted while everyone else played video games), came home and fell asleep. Tuesday was Refresher's Fayre at Keele, where C and I signed up 16 new people for Stitch and Bitch. Have I mentioned C? He's lovely. Rapidly becoming a very good friend, even if he has broken his coccyx on my front steps.
Last night (Tuesday) I had some friends over for an End of Exams Board Games extravaganza evening. IMP came, and two others from KURA, and GKL and C. It was a good night. We spent half an hour attempting play Chalenji, which I DID NOT buy (I won it in a radio competition over Christmas), then we gave up on board games altogether and spent all night playing "I Have Never..." which usually gets me very drunk because I've done a lot, and last night was no exception.
GKL was a lot more drunk than me though. It was funny. Good to see her let her hair down though. Metaphorically speaking, since she had all her hair chopped off a few weeks ago. She and IMP had a goodbye snog, and he called her after he'd left to ask her out. She's now dating four people. Lol. I don't mind, but I think her Catholic guilt is getting to her a little bit.
I made a discovery about my drinking capabilities this morning though. Once I get past the point where I can still be called sober, I am guaranteed to get a hangover. It is inevitable and unavoidable. However, the more I drink, the less harsh that hangover will be. For instance, last week I got rip-roaringly smashed and had barely a headache. Last night I wasn't half as drunk, but today I've felt terrible. I woke up queasy, was queasy most of the day, have had horrible headache all day and slept for most of it (after a nasty Keele incident which I will explain in a minute). Another thing I've discovered about my drinking is that once I've slept off my hangover, I'm completely ravenous and could eat a sodding horse.
And so to the nasty Keele incident... This morning I dragged myself out of my semi-drunken stupor, sat on a wobbly bus for thirty minutes trying not to puke, hung around outside a lecture hall having people try and initiate conversations with me (why do people only do that when I'm clearly incapable of comprehensible discussion?), gathered with two hundred odd students in a small corridor, only to find that the stupid timetabling people doublebooked the bloody lecture hall and my lecture was cancelled. I had no other reason to be on campus so I slowly stumbled back to the bus stop to take another vomit-inducing half hour bus journey to return to my semi-drunken stupor. Stupid timetabling bastards. Is no one at Keele capable of a decent bit of organisation? Gimme a desk and a computer and I could sort that place out, let me tell you.
And so here I am, still tired (my antidepressants make me tired ALL the time, very annoying, but better than being almost constantly suicidal) and tapping away on Archimedes' broken keyboard, deciding whether I can legitimately go back to bed three hours after getting up from sleeping all day, or whether I should sort stuff out and do some work.
I also need to decide what this week's New Thing will be. I might wear odd shoes tomorrow.
Oh, PS> I'm a twitter now, if anyone is interested. Find me at http://twitter.com/CleoCeleenaCree
Horwood Horror part 2, aka Dynamite Night
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
comments (0)
Ladies and gentlemen.
It's that time of year again when i need to apologise for getting completely and utterly smashed in Horwood bar last night. There are reasons why I don't go to Horwood very often.
One is flashbacks from this time last year, otherwise known as the Horwood Horror. The other is a certain drink that S introduced me to called a Blue Dynamite.
Thing is, I'm a bit of an ocd freak. How can you tell me there are five different colours of dynamite and not expect me to drink them all? As for the cider, well that was L's fault.
As far as I can remember, I didn't insult or grope or spill anyone's secrets last night, so we'll just consider it a major success over last year. If I did upset anyone, I apologise. and I guess we'll all see how drunk I get next year!
It's that time of year again when i need to apologise for getting completely and utterly smashed in Horwood bar last night. There are reasons why I don't go to Horwood very often.
One is flashbacks from this time last year, otherwise known as the Horwood Horror. The other is a certain drink that S introduced me to called a Blue Dynamite.
Thing is, I'm a bit of an ocd freak. How can you tell me there are five different colours of dynamite and not expect me to drink them all? As for the cider, well that was L's fault.
As far as I can remember, I didn't insult or grope or spill anyone's secrets last night, so we'll just consider it a major success over last year. If I did upset anyone, I apologise. and I guess we'll all see how drunk I get next year!
New Things # 3
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
comments (0)
Week 3: 12th January 2009 - 18th January 2009
Date:- January 17th 2009
New Thing:- go to a ballet.
Last night, after spending the day knitting and eating crumpets, GKL and I dressed ourselves up to the nines (she was in a magenta ballgown and I was in a deep purple velvet lace up dress) and we went to a ballet. This ballet:
Raymond Gubbay presents The Nutcracker. Performed by The Russian State Ballet of Siberia and The Russian State Ballet Orchestra. Artistic Director Sergei Bobrov, Music Director & Chief Conductor Anatoly Tchepurnoi. In a magical new production, this most famous of fantasy ballets opens as night falls on a traditional fireside scene on Christmas Eve. On the stroke of midnight we are transported to an enchanted world where toy dolls come to life as an army of soldiers does battle with a gang of mice and a Nutcracker is transformed into a handsome prince. This lavish new production will entrance adults and children alike and is a family outing not to be missed. Formed in 1981, the Russian State Ballet of Siberia has quickly established itself as one of Russia's leading ballet companies and has built an international reputation for delivering performances of outstanding quality and unusual depth. The soloists and corps de ballet are superb, and never fail to delight audiences with their breathtaking physical ability and dazzling costumes.
I've never seen a ballet before, but I knew (sort of) the story of The Nutcracker, and I know Tchaikovsky's music.
The dancing was impressive, not that I'd have known if they'd cocked up a million times. The performers were great, but I couldn't really get into it (aside from a small part with five gorgeous belly dancers; drool). It had the same effect on me as Fantasia. It was very pretty, but a little creepy.
My lasting memory of the night? Wondering how much further up his butt crack the Prince's tights were gonna go.
Date:- January 17th 2009
New Thing:- go to a ballet.
Last night, after spending the day knitting and eating crumpets, GKL and I dressed ourselves up to the nines (she was in a magenta ballgown and I was in a deep purple velvet lace up dress) and we went to a ballet. This ballet:
Raymond Gubbay presents The Nutcracker. Performed by The Russian State Ballet of Siberia and The Russian State Ballet Orchestra. Artistic Director Sergei Bobrov, Music Director & Chief Conductor Anatoly Tchepurnoi. In a magical new production, this most famous of fantasy ballets opens as night falls on a traditional fireside scene on Christmas Eve. On the stroke of midnight we are transported to an enchanted world where toy dolls come to life as an army of soldiers does battle with a gang of mice and a Nutcracker is transformed into a handsome prince. This lavish new production will entrance adults and children alike and is a family outing not to be missed. Formed in 1981, the Russian State Ballet of Siberia has quickly established itself as one of Russia's leading ballet companies and has built an international reputation for delivering performances of outstanding quality and unusual depth. The soloists and corps de ballet are superb, and never fail to delight audiences with their breathtaking physical ability and dazzling costumes.
I've never seen a ballet before, but I knew (sort of) the story of The Nutcracker, and I know Tchaikovsky's music.
The dancing was impressive, not that I'd have known if they'd cocked up a million times. The performers were great, but I couldn't really get into it (aside from a small part with five gorgeous belly dancers; drool). It had the same effect on me as Fantasia. It was very pretty, but a little creepy.
My lasting memory of the night? Wondering how much further up his butt crack the Prince's tights were gonna go.
Various bits and pieces
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
comments (1)
So, what's been happening in the wonderful world of your friendly neighbourhood rambler?
Well, GKL and I got over our little blip. She'd had a horrendous day (which you can read about here) so I wasn't quite so mad about the whole thing. I was still a little indignant because if she'd been here at twelve like she was supposed to be, her whole horrendous day wouldn't have happened. But, it's in the past. We've been shopping since then.
In other news, N came down for the weekend. Yes, I said goodbye to him after the New Year fiasco, but then I had an episode and texted him. And then he came down. I wasn't sure if he was actually going to come down but then there he was walking towards me in the train station, looking as scrummy as ever. I was nervous as hell and blabbed nonstop until we were back in my room and he kissed me just to shut me up I think. We had a lovely weekend. He fixed my libido, he came out to an antique fair and to dinner with me and GKL (which in itself shows he's being good cos he's not a social person at all). He was really sweet and good all weekend. So? Does this mean we're back together?
Not exactly. He loves me, he told me as much. Several times. But we're just going to see how things go for now. Which, as I see it, means I get all the joy and loveliness of dating him, and I get to date other people too. All good. Plus, I have a feeling that if I get another boyfriend, or go on another date, N will get ridiculously jealous and things may change anyway.
Next - my student loan went in Saturday. It's now, four days later, nearly all gone. But I feel no guilt. I've paid my rent up til April. I've paid all my bills. I've paid back the few people I owed money to. I've had a hair cut. I've spent a small (ha!) amount on general bits and pieces. I've done a pretty large grocery shop. I've spent some money on my darling GKL. And I spent sixty odd quid on knitting yesterday. So, no guilt.
And today I was tortured =( I had a hospital appointment to have teeth extracted. Now, it's fairly common knowledge that I have gross teeth. A combination of not looking after myself properly in depressive funks, and being terrified of dentists. But after two years of chronic toothache I finally went to the dentist a year ago. She gave me a filling and said I needed some extractions, but because of where they were (right at the back) she referred me to the hospital so I could be knocked out while they did it.
Various things (clashes, wimping out, missing consultants) meant that I kept missing the hospital appointment. Finally got there in late November I think, where the nasty Welsh sod told me he wasn't gonna knock me out cos I'm fat and I'd die. So I had an appointment today to have it done while I was awake. I really, REALLY didn't wanna go. GKL was gonna frogmarch me, but then she got offered some hours at work. I really didn't want to go, but I knew I needed to, so I went.
I had the nasty needles in gums and hitting bone. I had the nurses quizzing me about my tattoos while my mouth slowly turned numb. I had horrendous pressure and tugging. I kept my eyes shut. I made the mistake of opening my eyes when I heard the word suture. I saw long string coming out of my mouth, and the suction tube was bright red with my blood. Gross, gross, gross.
But it's over. All done. Because it's both sides of my mouth, they offered me the chance to get one half done another time. I decided I wanted it all over and done with. It's over, and my mouth is starting to get its feeling back - which is not a good thing. Ow!! I also look like a vampire every time I open my mouth. It's full of blood, and blood-stained saliva. Not pretty, despite my vampirism fetish.
I just wish I could stop shaking =(
Well, GKL and I got over our little blip. She'd had a horrendous day (which you can read about here) so I wasn't quite so mad about the whole thing. I was still a little indignant because if she'd been here at twelve like she was supposed to be, her whole horrendous day wouldn't have happened. But, it's in the past. We've been shopping since then.
In other news, N came down for the weekend. Yes, I said goodbye to him after the New Year fiasco, but then I had an episode and texted him. And then he came down. I wasn't sure if he was actually going to come down but then there he was walking towards me in the train station, looking as scrummy as ever. I was nervous as hell and blabbed nonstop until we were back in my room and he kissed me just to shut me up I think. We had a lovely weekend. He fixed my libido, he came out to an antique fair and to dinner with me and GKL (which in itself shows he's being good cos he's not a social person at all). He was really sweet and good all weekend. So? Does this mean we're back together?
Not exactly. He loves me, he told me as much. Several times. But we're just going to see how things go for now. Which, as I see it, means I get all the joy and loveliness of dating him, and I get to date other people too. All good. Plus, I have a feeling that if I get another boyfriend, or go on another date, N will get ridiculously jealous and things may change anyway.
Next - my student loan went in Saturday. It's now, four days later, nearly all gone. But I feel no guilt. I've paid my rent up til April. I've paid all my bills. I've paid back the few people I owed money to. I've had a hair cut. I've spent a small (ha!) amount on general bits and pieces. I've done a pretty large grocery shop. I've spent some money on my darling GKL. And I spent sixty odd quid on knitting yesterday. So, no guilt.
And today I was tortured =( I had a hospital appointment to have teeth extracted. Now, it's fairly common knowledge that I have gross teeth. A combination of not looking after myself properly in depressive funks, and being terrified of dentists. But after two years of chronic toothache I finally went to the dentist a year ago. She gave me a filling and said I needed some extractions, but because of where they were (right at the back) she referred me to the hospital so I could be knocked out while they did it.
Various things (clashes, wimping out, missing consultants) meant that I kept missing the hospital appointment. Finally got there in late November I think, where the nasty Welsh sod told me he wasn't gonna knock me out cos I'm fat and I'd die. So I had an appointment today to have it done while I was awake. I really, REALLY didn't wanna go. GKL was gonna frogmarch me, but then she got offered some hours at work. I really didn't want to go, but I knew I needed to, so I went.
I had the nasty needles in gums and hitting bone. I had the nurses quizzing me about my tattoos while my mouth slowly turned numb. I had horrendous pressure and tugging. I kept my eyes shut. I made the mistake of opening my eyes when I heard the word suture. I saw long string coming out of my mouth, and the suction tube was bright red with my blood. Gross, gross, gross.
But it's over. All done. Because it's both sides of my mouth, they offered me the chance to get one half done another time. I decided I wanted it all over and done with. It's over, and my mouth is starting to get its feeling back - which is not a good thing. Ow!! I also look like a vampire every time I open my mouth. It's full of blood, and blood-stained saliva. Not pretty, despite my vampirism fetish.
I just wish I could stop shaking =(
New Things # 2
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
comments (0)
Week 2: 5th January 2009 - 11th January 2009
Date:- January 9th 2009
New Thing:- peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Considering I refer to myself as an 'American born in the wrong county' it's always been a bit of a travesty that I've never eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. (For you poor English fools that's peanut butter and jam). I think the main reason I've never tried it was because it sounds, quite frankly, gross. Other than a once-a-year craving for jam sandwiches I don't actually like jam.
However, to be a true American I should at least try one, so I gathered up some bread and peanut butter and the teeniest tiniest pot of strawberry jam I could find - a 42g taster jar of Strawberry Conserve Jam. I also got a packet of Oreos to go with it, cos what's a sandwich without some cookies?
I spread peanut butter on one slice, jam on the other:-
Looks weird doesn't it? Then I did what felt very unnatural and pressed the two slices together. After that I got distracted and didn't even notice I was taking a bite until the taste hit me.
It was... surprisingly not bad. Quite nice. Delicious even. I may have another in a minute. I'm not really surprised. After all, I was the kid who had Marmite and ketchup sandwiches at her birthday parties.
Date:- January 9th 2009
New Thing:- peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Considering I refer to myself as an 'American born in the wrong county' it's always been a bit of a travesty that I've never eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. (For you poor English fools that's peanut butter and jam). I think the main reason I've never tried it was because it sounds, quite frankly, gross. Other than a once-a-year craving for jam sandwiches I don't actually like jam.
However, to be a true American I should at least try one, so I gathered up some bread and peanut butter and the teeniest tiniest pot of strawberry jam I could find - a 42g taster jar of Strawberry Conserve Jam. I also got a packet of Oreos to go with it, cos what's a sandwich without some cookies?
I spread peanut butter on one slice, jam on the other:-
Looks weird doesn't it? Then I did what felt very unnatural and pressed the two slices together. After that I got distracted and didn't even notice I was taking a bite until the taste hit me.
It was... surprisingly not bad. Quite nice. Delicious even. I may have another in a minute. I'm not really surprised. After all, I was the kid who had Marmite and ketchup sandwiches at her birthday parties.
To post or not to post
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
comments (2)
I've been having a dilemma all afternoon, about whether to write this particular blog because I know full well the person involved is going to read it.
After a little discovery I've just made, I've now decided I am going to post it and I don't care if she knows I'm pissed with her.
Last night I had an episode. It was probably self-triggered, but it was an episode nonetheless. I was going stircrazy and wanted to do stupid stupid things which included texting N. I decided that was a stupid idea and texted GKL to see if we could go out, just to Tesco, to anywhere, that I needed to get out of the house.
No reply. Not unusual. She occasionally has no credit and at the moment my phone is kinda playing up with the delivery. So I waited 'til she'd be home from work and called her. By this stage the episode was full blown and I was holding back floods of tears. She'd just put her dinner on to cook, and asked if it could wait til tomorrow. Despite desperately thinking "no no no" I said yes, and she said she'd come round after work and be here at about twelve.
My own fault maybe. I shoulda told her how bad I was, and asked if she could come over after dinner. Maybe I thought she'd notice that I was crying. If she did, she ignored it.
So, I get busy, and postpone my episode. After breaking into money bank, binge eating and texting N. I did some revising, did some knitting, discovered two new blogs I'm now addicted to. Time flies and when I look at the clock it's half five in the morning. Crap. I set my alarm for half eleven and go to sleep.
Half eleven wakes me up - utterly exhausted. I get up, I get dressed and I wait. And wait. And wait. GKL has a tendency to be late, and traffic might have been bad so I left it 'til half twelve to text and ask if she was still coming round. Aside from anything else, she needed a new phone charger and I found her one on Freecycle we had to go collect. I got told that she was still coming and that she'd let me know what time since she had loads of errands to run. Not a problem. I can handle that. All is dandy. I return to my new blog obsessions.
By quarter to two I'm falling asleep so I text her again. Tell her I was up til all hours and was falling asleep, told her to call me when she was coming over, or use her keys to come in. Then I fell asleep. I woke up around five-ish. No GKL. No text from GKL. Ok, now I'm mildly cheesed off.
I texted her again. No reply. These messages are going through, delivery report says so. I was upset, and slightly hurt, but also a little worried. I go on MSN and ask our mutual friend if she's heard from GKL today. Apparently they had lunch together.
Now I was definitely pissed off. A) she could have told me she was meeting someone for lunch. B) she had plans with me first. C) this girl she had lunch with is a girl she's sort of dating, which means she chose dates over mates.
None of it would have pissed me off so much if I hadn't been episoding and needing company. Although, I still woulda been cheesed off. I don't like being stood up at all, let alone with no reasoning. And definitely not my best friend.
I've been trying to decide what to do about it. I didn't wanna let it just drop, because it's upset me and made me angry and if I don't do something about it I'll just simmer and resent. I don't wanna have a go at GKL, cos she's my best friend. But, she's my best friend and I don't wanna pretend I'm hunky dory.
I may have sent a slightly illadvised text when I found out she had lunch with our friend. It wasn't a bitchy message. "You met CB for lunch? You coulda told me. We had plans and you changed em for dates over mates. Thanks." At least she knows I'm upset.
And if she hadn't gathered by the text, she should do once she reads this.
After a little discovery I've just made, I've now decided I am going to post it and I don't care if she knows I'm pissed with her.
Last night I had an episode. It was probably self-triggered, but it was an episode nonetheless. I was going stircrazy and wanted to do stupid stupid things which included texting N. I decided that was a stupid idea and texted GKL to see if we could go out, just to Tesco, to anywhere, that I needed to get out of the house.
No reply. Not unusual. She occasionally has no credit and at the moment my phone is kinda playing up with the delivery. So I waited 'til she'd be home from work and called her. By this stage the episode was full blown and I was holding back floods of tears. She'd just put her dinner on to cook, and asked if it could wait til tomorrow. Despite desperately thinking "no no no" I said yes, and she said she'd come round after work and be here at about twelve.
My own fault maybe. I shoulda told her how bad I was, and asked if she could come over after dinner. Maybe I thought she'd notice that I was crying. If she did, she ignored it.
So, I get busy, and postpone my episode. After breaking into money bank, binge eating and texting N. I did some revising, did some knitting, discovered two new blogs I'm now addicted to. Time flies and when I look at the clock it's half five in the morning. Crap. I set my alarm for half eleven and go to sleep.
Half eleven wakes me up - utterly exhausted. I get up, I get dressed and I wait. And wait. And wait. GKL has a tendency to be late, and traffic might have been bad so I left it 'til half twelve to text and ask if she was still coming round. Aside from anything else, she needed a new phone charger and I found her one on Freecycle we had to go collect. I got told that she was still coming and that she'd let me know what time since she had loads of errands to run. Not a problem. I can handle that. All is dandy. I return to my new blog obsessions.
By quarter to two I'm falling asleep so I text her again. Tell her I was up til all hours and was falling asleep, told her to call me when she was coming over, or use her keys to come in. Then I fell asleep. I woke up around five-ish. No GKL. No text from GKL. Ok, now I'm mildly cheesed off.
I texted her again. No reply. These messages are going through, delivery report says so. I was upset, and slightly hurt, but also a little worried. I go on MSN and ask our mutual friend if she's heard from GKL today. Apparently they had lunch together.
Now I was definitely pissed off. A) she could have told me she was meeting someone for lunch. B) she had plans with me first. C) this girl she had lunch with is a girl she's sort of dating, which means she chose dates over mates.
None of it would have pissed me off so much if I hadn't been episoding and needing company. Although, I still woulda been cheesed off. I don't like being stood up at all, let alone with no reasoning. And definitely not my best friend.
I've been trying to decide what to do about it. I didn't wanna let it just drop, because it's upset me and made me angry and if I don't do something about it I'll just simmer and resent. I don't wanna have a go at GKL, cos she's my best friend. But, she's my best friend and I don't wanna pretend I'm hunky dory.
I may have sent a slightly illadvised text when I found out she had lunch with our friend. It wasn't a bitchy message. "You met CB for lunch? You coulda told me. We had plans and you changed em for dates over mates. Thanks." At least she knows I'm upset.
And if she hadn't gathered by the text, she should do once she reads this.
I have bad news and I have good news
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
comments (0)
Bad news - I had an episode earlier.
Good news - I'm over it now.
Bad news - They've been happening slightly more frequently.
Good news - They seem to be shorter. 20-24 hours of edgy, 2 hours of episode then fine.
Bad news - I got milkshake all over Wolfgang.
Good news - I haven't got good news for that yet.
Bad news - I haven't been wearing my glasses for about a week.
Good news - I am wearing them now.
Bad news - I think I've been self-harming in my sleep.
Good news - At least I know it's me. It used to happen a lot. I'd wake up with scratches on me, and I used to blame the cat, but it hasn't happened since I gave her away, and it can't have been her this time.
Bad news - My libido is dead. Well and truly defunct. Gone. I brought some toys from lovehoney with my Christmas money. They've arrived but I have no inclination to use them. Nothing is turning me on. A scene on TV the other day that normally would have had me desperate did nothing for me. I leaned against the cold wall and it did nothing - a few months ago I had an accidental orgasm just from that! Nothing, nada, zip, zilch, bupkiss. Libido dead. Rest in peace.
Good news - At least I won't get frustrated during the rest of my life when I'm never likely to get laid again.
Bad news - I'm bored and lonely as hell.
Good news - I'm messaging a million people at a time and making one or two new online friends.
Bad news - still not much of an IRL social life.
Good news - people are starting to come back to uni, there are two Pyrate events coming up, and I invited people to come to Circus of Horrors in February, I'm also gonna create a games night event.
Bad news - I have exams in two weeks and have done no revision.
Good news - I'll start tomorrow.
Bad news - I've been saying that since before Christmas.
Good news - I really mean it this time.
Bad news - I meant it every time before too.
Good news - I'm gonna stop this now before it gets annoying.
Good news - I'm over it now.
Bad news - They've been happening slightly more frequently.
Good news - They seem to be shorter. 20-24 hours of edgy, 2 hours of episode then fine.
Bad news - I got milkshake all over Wolfgang.
Good news - I haven't got good news for that yet.
Bad news - I haven't been wearing my glasses for about a week.
Good news - I am wearing them now.
Bad news - I think I've been self-harming in my sleep.
Good news - At least I know it's me. It used to happen a lot. I'd wake up with scratches on me, and I used to blame the cat, but it hasn't happened since I gave her away, and it can't have been her this time.
Bad news - My libido is dead. Well and truly defunct. Gone. I brought some toys from lovehoney with my Christmas money. They've arrived but I have no inclination to use them. Nothing is turning me on. A scene on TV the other day that normally would have had me desperate did nothing for me. I leaned against the cold wall and it did nothing - a few months ago I had an accidental orgasm just from that! Nothing, nada, zip, zilch, bupkiss. Libido dead. Rest in peace.
Good news - At least I won't get frustrated during the rest of my life when I'm never likely to get laid again.
Bad news - I'm bored and lonely as hell.
Good news - I'm messaging a million people at a time and making one or two new online friends.
Bad news - still not much of an IRL social life.
Good news - people are starting to come back to uni, there are two Pyrate events coming up, and I invited people to come to Circus of Horrors in February, I'm also gonna create a games night event.
Bad news - I have exams in two weeks and have done no revision.
Good news - I'll start tomorrow.
Bad news - I've been saying that since before Christmas.
Good news - I really mean it this time.
Bad news - I meant it every time before too.
Good news - I'm gonna stop this now before it gets annoying.
New Thing # 1
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
comments (0)
Week 1: 29th December 2008 - 4th January 2009
Date:- January 4th 2009
New Thing:- embroidery with seed beads.
I've always wanted to try this, but have never gotten around to it - partly because the fiddliness intimidated me.
Over Christmas I started a Tigger Christmas cross stitch and then discovered it involves about a bajillion french knots, which not only do I find impossible, but I don't know anyone who can do them. A ha! A perfect opportunity to try using seed beads.
Here's the piece all done up to the point where the french knots should be next:-
It occurred to me at this point that I wasn't sure if there was a specific technique I should use. I should probably have looked. I didn't. I just went for it. I didn't follow the initial french knots pattern either. I just added them where it seemed appropriate. But, I added them:-
I think it looks good. Whether it looks good by next Christmas remains to be seen. Let's hope the beads stay attached!
Date:- January 4th 2009
New Thing:- embroidery with seed beads.
I've always wanted to try this, but have never gotten around to it - partly because the fiddliness intimidated me.
Over Christmas I started a Tigger Christmas cross stitch and then discovered it involves about a bajillion french knots, which not only do I find impossible, but I don't know anyone who can do them. A ha! A perfect opportunity to try using seed beads.
Here's the piece all done up to the point where the french knots should be next:-
It occurred to me at this point that I wasn't sure if there was a specific technique I should use. I should probably have looked. I didn't. I just went for it. I didn't follow the initial french knots pattern either. I just added them where it seemed appropriate. But, I added them:-
I think it looks good. Whether it looks good by next Christmas remains to be seen. Let's hope the beads stay attached!
Mood Swing
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
comments (0)
OK, I sulked. I got miserable. I ranted a bit to my soft toys. I cried. I contemplated doing stupid things (but didn't). Then I changed the dvd (girl, interrupted really wasn't helping) and started to do stuff. Only little bits, like sending some emails about some Brownie stuff, and ticking a couple of things off my to do list. And I feel a little better.
I realised that I have one skill that can help me here. I'm fabulous at pretending. Always have been. And being miserable and pathetic and mopey isn't helping me make friends. So, I'll pretend I'm not miserable and pathetic and mopey. I'll pretend to be happy and friendly and cheerful. See how that works out.
I was also very very sad and googled "how to make friends". I actually found a good site. It made a lot of sense, and I'll be taking some of that advice. Plus, to the side there was a link to here... I really think I should pay attention to this one. The first line of Step 1 just sums me up completely.
So, with two whole wikis worth of good advice and a whole new pretense of non-fear, I shall go into this wide world and make friends damnit!
I realised that I have one skill that can help me here. I'm fabulous at pretending. Always have been. And being miserable and pathetic and mopey isn't helping me make friends. So, I'll pretend I'm not miserable and pathetic and mopey. I'll pretend to be happy and friendly and cheerful. See how that works out.
I was also very very sad and googled "how to make friends". I actually found a good site. It made a lot of sense, and I'll be taking some of that advice. Plus, to the side there was a link to here... I really think I should pay attention to this one. The first line of Step 1 just sums me up completely.
So, with two whole wikis worth of good advice and a whole new pretense of non-fear, I shall go into this wide world and make friends damnit!
It goes on...
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
comments (0)
So far in 2009 not a lot has happened. I helped GKL and her family turn her (slightly) disorganized flat into an organized one yesterday. I've very nearly finished stitching the Tigger Christmas thing, more about that later. I've watched my libido die. That's about it. I hate the holidays. Christmas is over, there's nothing interesting about the holidays anymore. Aside from GKL, none of my friends are in town, and it's just occurred to me that it wouldn't matter if they were as I don't see any of them outside uni anyway. I have no social life.
Looking back at last year, what did I do, in a social sense? On Mondays I did nothing. On Tuesdays I did nothing. On Wednesdays I went to a roleplay session. On Thursdays I went to Stitch and Bitch. On Fridays I went to Brownies. That's it. As much as I love her, the only person I hung out with aside from all that was GKL. Or with her and her friends. I have plenty of friends online, people I can talk to... although actually not that many. Just one or two. Neither of whom seem to want to meet up with me in real life.
God, I'm so pathetic. :( The thing is, my uni friends consider socialising to be going to the union and that doesn't always appeal to me.
I've met up with people outside societies, I know I have. There was bowling for my birthday, and the drunken roleplay session, and that brief foray with IMP. That was it. Damn, I need to make some friends. I need to make some friends who actually want to hang out with me. I spend far too much time alone in my room. Maybe if I had someone to be in my room with, it wouldn't be too bad.
You know, this blog was meant to be an update on my stitching and stuff - that will come - but it's turned into a revelation as to how I have absolutely no life. I signed up to 11 societies during freshers fair, and refreshers fair is in a few weeks. I could fill every weeknight with one or two different societies, but it still doesn't constitute a social life. At the weekends, or even during a free hour or two during the week, I have no friends I can call on to hang out with. No wonder I'm so lonely all the time. Pathetic. And what's even more pathetic, is that I don't know how to change it. I don't know how to make friends.
Anyway, moving away from the depressing subject of my pathetic lonely existence, on to stitching. I made the mistake of deciding to outline the stars on this Tigger thing with sparkly thread, which is all good and well except the bloody stuff unravels and I get frustrated and give up after each star. Now, having done half, I have no enthusiasm to do the rest. But I can't do New Thing 1 until all the stars are outlined, and week one finishes at midnight tonight.
I could cheat. I could go to Tesco and get some peanut butter and some bread and some jam and try a PB&J sandwich for New Thing 1, except that I've already started my scrapbook page for seedbeading, and I'd have to rip the page out and make a mess of my lovely scrapbook. So, once I've finished this (and cried at my pathetic existence, and probably binged too) I'll finish those bloody stars, and then I'll attempt the damn seedbeading.
I'll probably find that too frustrating and give up on that too. I'm good at giving up on things. I'm good at never starting things. Bleh. Scrapbooking every teeny tiny thing in my life, half my life online, the other half crying and feeling miserable for myself. No wonder I've got no bloody friends.
GKL has had an attitude revelation today. She watched some show on On Demand and has decided to approach things from a different angle. I should do that. I should snap out of this depressive funk, and try to change things for the better. I just don't know how. I know only a few things that make me feel better when I'm like this, and none of them are good for me.
2009 is not looking good.
Looking back at last year, what did I do, in a social sense? On Mondays I did nothing. On Tuesdays I did nothing. On Wednesdays I went to a roleplay session. On Thursdays I went to Stitch and Bitch. On Fridays I went to Brownies. That's it. As much as I love her, the only person I hung out with aside from all that was GKL. Or with her and her friends. I have plenty of friends online, people I can talk to... although actually not that many. Just one or two. Neither of whom seem to want to meet up with me in real life.
God, I'm so pathetic. :( The thing is, my uni friends consider socialising to be going to the union and that doesn't always appeal to me.
I've met up with people outside societies, I know I have. There was bowling for my birthday, and the drunken roleplay session, and that brief foray with IMP. That was it. Damn, I need to make some friends. I need to make some friends who actually want to hang out with me. I spend far too much time alone in my room. Maybe if I had someone to be in my room with, it wouldn't be too bad.
You know, this blog was meant to be an update on my stitching and stuff - that will come - but it's turned into a revelation as to how I have absolutely no life. I signed up to 11 societies during freshers fair, and refreshers fair is in a few weeks. I could fill every weeknight with one or two different societies, but it still doesn't constitute a social life. At the weekends, or even during a free hour or two during the week, I have no friends I can call on to hang out with. No wonder I'm so lonely all the time. Pathetic. And what's even more pathetic, is that I don't know how to change it. I don't know how to make friends.
Anyway, moving away from the depressing subject of my pathetic lonely existence, on to stitching. I made the mistake of deciding to outline the stars on this Tigger thing with sparkly thread, which is all good and well except the bloody stuff unravels and I get frustrated and give up after each star. Now, having done half, I have no enthusiasm to do the rest. But I can't do New Thing 1 until all the stars are outlined, and week one finishes at midnight tonight.
I could cheat. I could go to Tesco and get some peanut butter and some bread and some jam and try a PB&J sandwich for New Thing 1, except that I've already started my scrapbook page for seedbeading, and I'd have to rip the page out and make a mess of my lovely scrapbook. So, once I've finished this (and cried at my pathetic existence, and probably binged too) I'll finish those bloody stars, and then I'll attempt the damn seedbeading.
I'll probably find that too frustrating and give up on that too. I'm good at giving up on things. I'm good at never starting things. Bleh. Scrapbooking every teeny tiny thing in my life, half my life online, the other half crying and feeling miserable for myself. No wonder I've got no bloody friends.
GKL has had an attitude revelation today. She watched some show on On Demand and has decided to approach things from a different angle. I should do that. I should snap out of this depressive funk, and try to change things for the better. I just don't know how. I know only a few things that make me feel better when I'm like this, and none of them are good for me.
2009 is not looking good.
2009 Begins
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
comments (0)
I can honestly say that I did not see in the New Year alone. I was supposed to. My plan was stitching and eating in front of Big Fat Quiz of the Year, which conveniently finished at 5 past midnight. But then LB and his girlfriend S came home a little early. LB is a friend of my housemate NW. NW is away this week, as is my other housemate (who's also an L, let's call him JL, GKL will understand why). Anyway, LB and S were using this place for a night and they went off about seven or eightish. At a quarter to midnight they came home, about six or seven hours early. Apparently S had gotten a little too drunk a little too quickly and, after depositing her in bed, LB came down and sat with me for an hour or so.
I thought LB was cute from the first time I saw him. I now have a fully fledged crush. He was slightly pissed himself, and I was so very tempted to make a move, but didn't in the end. It would have been tacky, what with his girlfriend unconscious upstairs.
Still, I wasn't alone for New Year. I have been alone since New Year though. All my friends are out of town. Bored. I'm very tempted to order a large Domino's, except that would be breaking one of my resolutions before the end of day 1. Actually it wouldn't, as long as I pointed it up. I can have 30 points, which is a lot, cos I'm a heffer. A Domino's pizza is probably about 60 (may be exaggerating, I don't know), so as long as I only eat half I'll be fine. Alternatively, I could walk over to Tesco and get junk food that I can actually work out the points in. Even better, I could go downstairs and cook some of the food that I already have and doesn't involve spending any money. I need to tidy up anyway.
As for my other resolutions... we're now 4 days into week one and I haven't done anything new yet, but I know what I'm going to do. I'm working on a Tigger Christmas cross stitch thing, and it calls for an awful lot of french knots which I just cannot do (let me just point out that I don't know anyone who can). I've been meaning to try adding seed beads to my stitchwork and this is the perfect opportunity. All I need to do is finish stitching the background and do the outlining and I can do New Thing 1: Add seed beads to embroidery.
I can officially say that I haven't missed any lectures this year, but only because there haven't been any yet. I do need to do two hours revision though, according to my timetable.
So, things to do tonight...
1) tidy up downstairs before housemates come home
2) find food (Tesco or not) and make sure I point
3) work on cross stitch, need to finish before the week is out
4) 2 hours Contemporary America revision
Also, take rubbish out and have a shower. Gee, 2009 is shaping up to be so exciting.
I thought LB was cute from the first time I saw him. I now have a fully fledged crush. He was slightly pissed himself, and I was so very tempted to make a move, but didn't in the end. It would have been tacky, what with his girlfriend unconscious upstairs.
Still, I wasn't alone for New Year. I have been alone since New Year though. All my friends are out of town. Bored. I'm very tempted to order a large Domino's, except that would be breaking one of my resolutions before the end of day 1. Actually it wouldn't, as long as I pointed it up. I can have 30 points, which is a lot, cos I'm a heffer. A Domino's pizza is probably about 60 (may be exaggerating, I don't know), so as long as I only eat half I'll be fine. Alternatively, I could walk over to Tesco and get junk food that I can actually work out the points in. Even better, I could go downstairs and cook some of the food that I already have and doesn't involve spending any money. I need to tidy up anyway.
As for my other resolutions... we're now 4 days into week one and I haven't done anything new yet, but I know what I'm going to do. I'm working on a Tigger Christmas cross stitch thing, and it calls for an awful lot of french knots which I just cannot do (let me just point out that I don't know anyone who can). I've been meaning to try adding seed beads to my stitchwork and this is the perfect opportunity. All I need to do is finish stitching the background and do the outlining and I can do New Thing 1: Add seed beads to embroidery.
I can officially say that I haven't missed any lectures this year, but only because there haven't been any yet. I do need to do two hours revision though, according to my timetable.
So, things to do tonight...
1) tidy up downstairs before housemates come home
2) find food (Tesco or not) and make sure I point
3) work on cross stitch, need to finish before the week is out
4) 2 hours Contemporary America revision
Also, take rubbish out and have a shower. Gee, 2009 is shaping up to be so exciting.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
My Etsy Store
