Pierre

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present my good friend Pierre the Penguin.

Labels Galore

Having added labels to 'purplocity', 'one day one sentence' and 'new things' posts, I'm now going a bit crazy and adding posts for other things, like 'stitchwork', 'edumacation' and 'lovelife'. Thing is, some of my older posts contain a lot of mixed stuff, so I'm going to add a few labels to them, and in future I'm going to split my posts up into single topics.

Now to label things! Woohoo!

Sickness

I have not been well. I'm still having those sickness episodes. Last weekend on the way home from N's I puked twice on the train, and nearly passed out on the way to the train station. This morning I puked eleven times within five hours, while I was trying to sleep. It's very annoying.

My throat and stomach feel like they've been attacked with sandpaper. My head is pounding and feels like it's being squished between giant hands. And what is most annoying is that I don't know what's wrong. I saw the doctor last week and he said it was just a bug, and that I'd get over it. What kind of doctor is that? A moron doctor, that's what. A doctor who tells me that everything that's wrong with me is cos I'm fat. Bloody idiot.

N is really worried about me, which is a little nice. It's nice to be cared about, but to be honest I'm a little worried too. I'm sick of being sick. I have enough problems that get in the way of my life, I don't need to be sick at bus stops on the way to lectures as well.

I'm going to go to my GP surgery tomorrow, and ask to see a different doctor. Maybe they'll give me a proper diagnosis. My next step after that is to hunt down the local witch doctor.

Purple Dreams

I had a dream last night. Well, today. It was about N and for once it wasn't a perverted dream. I dreamt we were living together and we had a house, and everything was purple. EVERYTHING. Purple leather sofa, purple tinted window, purple cutlery, purple lightbulbs, purple toilet paper. Everything was purple.

It was a very strange dream. What is perhaps more strange is that I didn't wake up thinking "how weird", I woke up thinking "what a cool idea".

Don't be surprised to discover that more and more of my household objects turn purple over the next few years. :D

Viva la purple!

One Day One Sentence Archive

Friday 20th February 2009 - feeling guilty for knitting in a bar at uni, rather than doing Brownies even though it was half-term and Brownies wasn't even on.

Saturday 21st February 2009 - a craft fair in Telford, plus 2 like-minded best friends, plus 1 beading workshop, plus a stall full of shiny, minus an amount of money I refuse to admit to equals a new (another) expensive hobby.

Sunday 22nd February 2009 - an entire season of Nip Tuck, the joy of the internet, dirty texts from my boyfriend and not a single bit of work accomplished.

Monday 23rd February 2009 - woke up at 6pm, realised I'd missed all my lectures and chose to respond by diving into blogs and doing absolutely no work.

Tuesday 24th February 2009 - slept late again, woke up with an elephant sat on my head, puked a little, did a bit of work, puked some more, fell asleep, discovered the Study Abroad Exchange people have placed me in Maine and (after getting cheek-ache from grinning so much) dove into my work with renewed enthusiasm.

Wednesday 25th February 2009 - went to lectures, did some unnecessary retail therapy, cast on a new project and spent the evening whoring (meaning that I played an RPG game with some gorgeous geeks in which my character is a companion).

Thursday 26th February 2009 - still reeling from the news that my nan is getting a triple bypass I went out, had a minor episode and came straight home again, fell asleep and got woken up by my supreme goddess of a best friend who turned up armed with sherbert, donuts and frosting.

Friday 27th February 2009 - bursary in, shopping, bursary out, train, boyfriend, cuddles, sex, sleep.

Saturday 28th February 2009 - spent the day snuggling with N and reading the Yarn Harlot before coming home to spend the night with John Crichton and friends.

Sunday 1st March 2009 - boring errands followed by a delightful anniversary date with my best friend, involving an all-you-can-eat restaurant, an actually-not-very-good movie and the vital exchange of presents.

Monday 2nd March 2009 - three hours of politics followed by four hours of politics reading in the library, if you can believe the astounding excitement of my life.

Tuesday 3rd March 2009 - met with friends in town to find GKL her all important outfit for her birthday outing tomorrow then came home and partook in equally important rug-making and excessive sleeping.

Wednesday 4th March 2009 - my best friend's birthday celebrated with equally copious amounts of alcohol, laughter and humiliation.

Thursday 5th March 2009 - another day of sleeping followed by an evening of knitting and quiz night partaking.

Friday 6th March 2009 - more excessive sleeping, some worrying about my best friend and her car accident and an evening spent shivering in the bath because I was enjoying my book and couldn't be bothered to get out even though hot water was no longer forthcoming.

Saturday 7th March 2009 - body mods, shopping, milkshakes and smoothies, yarn and notions, drinking and telly and friends.

Sunday 8th March 2009 - meeting friends to see Watchmen, falling madly in love with the delightfully nekkid Dr Manhattan, eating a foot and a half of bbq rib on Italian subway with tomato, onion, sweetcorn and mayo.

Monday 9th March 2009 - slept until 6pm, woke up panicking because I'd missed a class test and two appointments, not to mention a lecture, a seminar and a workshop, spent the evening working on the Study Abroad application that I've left until the night before it was due for no apparent reason other than to bloody punish myself.

Tuesday 10th March 2009 - ran around like a headless chicken all day sorting out paperwork for the Study Abroad application and for the extenuating circumstances form so I can retake my politics test.

Wednesday 11th March 2009 - stole a tapestry, broke a tree.

Thursday 12th March 2009 - walked around Newcastle whilst shopping, and sat in Lindsay Bar Stitch and Bitching for 8 hours, all the while accompanied by a large white fluffy gorilla.

Friday 13th March 2009 - sleep, sleep, crafting, Brownies, bowling, potato skins and cheesy garlic bread.

Saturday 14th March 2009 - sleep, more sleep, watched some very talented people at the Chinese State Circus then had a sleepover with GKL.

Sunday 15th March 2009 - today was my boyfriend's birthday and what with him being a miserable sod and choosing to spend it alone I celebrated with a bit of private play, sent him some pictures and wrote an insanely mushy blog entry about him.

Monday 16th March 2009 - today I actually attended lectures, go me!

Tuesday 17th March 2009 - today I had a horrendous fever, got dizzy every time I sat up, and had a herd of elephants making camp on my head.

Wednesday 18th March 2009 - sold the ship, brought a new one, chased after an innocent witch, watched one of my shipmates murdered, ran away like a coward.

Thursday 19th March 2009 - despite planning to leave 2 hours early, still arrived 1 minute before Cirque du Soleil started, came home, dyed hair (and leg and bed and GKL) purple, set up new blog.

Friday 20th March 2009 - went to Leyland to see my darling N and take advantage of the fact that his parents are away :D

Saturday 21st March 2009 - still in Leyland, spending the day with N and reading X-men comics.

Sunday 22nd March 2009 - on the way home from Leyland today I managed to puke on the first train, all over a dude's newspaper, got dizzy and fell over at Bolton train station, puked in the bathroom of the second train and nearly fell asleep on the third train.

Monday 23rd March 2009 - woke up late, again, having missed a nurse's appointment, a load of errands, a lecture, a workshop and seminar and am trying to decide if not being suicidal is worth screwing up everything in my life.

Tuesday 24th March 2009 - ran a million errands, got a lot of work done and fell into bed exhausted at the end of the day, but feeling quite pleased.

Wednesday 25th March 2009 - another uber-productive day, topped off with a delicious Morrison's salad and a night of RPG.

Thursday 26th March 2009 - got jabbed in the butt and came 2nd in the competition to design Stitch and Bitch's new logo.

Friday 27th March 2009 - for once it wasn't my stupid idea, but spent the evening with 60+ members of Hartshill Guiding at the local bowling alley.

Saturday 28th March 2009 - ill again, but I did finish making Pierre the Penguin and sewed 80% of my family loom together.

Sunday 29th March 2009 - woke up at six, confused about whether that was AM or PM and took twenty minutes to figure it out.

Purplocity Archive

Thursday, 19 March 2009

Birth of Purplocity

While sat in bedroom, on my purple sheet, with my best friend dying my hair (purple) I was flipping through her knitting magazine. My eye is naturally drawn to a purple headed advert, and said best friend (known as GKL - see my other blogs for why) yelled out "Purplelina, that's a perfect name for you."

We'll ignore the fact that the advert was actually for PurpleLinda, because she was covering my head (and my shoulders and my back and my bed) with purple gunk at the time. I laughed, thought about it a second, and as soon as possible grabbed my laptop (unfortunately not purple) in order to set up a new blog. I was appalled to discover that purplelina.blogspot.com was unavailable and looked up this blog that must be so wonderful to have stolen my moniker. It isn't wonderful. It's one, very short entry from a woman who calls herself Violet Girl, from a year ago. A travesty! But, I settled on Purplocity.

Why, I hear you ask, am I writing a blog about purple? Well there are many reasons.

1) I like to type, and I like to write. This gives me another reason to do both.

2) I like purple.

Let me elaborate on number two for a moment. I REALLY like purple. In my line of sight at this precise moment in time is my purple hair, my purple socks, my purple sheet, three of my many purple skirts, three of my purple tops, my purple knitting bag, my purple bra, my purple monkey, numerous purple socks floating around, my purple boots, the purple monkey I am knitting myself, the purple sweater I am also knitting myself, and the tub of washing tablets I brought just cos I liked the purple (I neither know nor care what they do for my washing).

I am a large girl, yet whenever I enter any clothes store or charity shop I still automatically reach for anything purple even though I know it is never going to fit me. It is purple, and must be admired. When I enter yarn stores I gravitate towards purple yarns. In fact, all but three balls of my stash are purple of some description. I have so far completed 11 knitting projects and have three on the go. 12 of these are purple. My wardrobe consists of black and purple. The only other colour is blue (and that's only cos Girlguiding UK doesn't make Guider uniforms in purple). I have a purple Keele hoody, even though it doesn't fit. I have purple sunglasses, I manage to dye all my non-purple towels and underwear purple by not separating my laundry, I purposely dyed my jeans purple because I couldn't find purple jeans in my size...

Do I need to go on? I am obsessed with purple. It is my favourite colour, and I feel it expresses me. It's slightly gay, like me. It's slightly wacky, like me. It suggests fun and randomness, like me. It has regal qualities, which I would have if I were slightly more ladylike. While on holiday in New York a few years ago I found a shop called "Purple Paradise" that sold everything you could think of, but in purple. I had very little money due to a repacking accident, but still spent that day's food allowance in there. Oh, and four hours. FOUR HOURS!! In a shop full of purple.

I have many obsessions. This one deserves its own blog. Here it is.

Viva la purple!

-----

Monday, 23 March 2009

More adventures in purple

I am currently sat on my bed watching a movie (The Changeling, for anyone who's interested) and trying to get a decent picture of my brand new purple hair. The lighting in this room sucks. I'll try it again tomorrow while I'm out.

I'm also working on the purple penguin I'm knitting. The pattern (unsurprisingly) calls for black and white yarn, but because I'm me I'm using two different shades of [purple. I've done all the knitting I can do on it at the moment, I need to go by a yarn of something contrasting for his feet and beak. I seem to be developing a pattern (pun entirely intended) for purple soft toys. Purple, slightly misshapen, a little bit ugly soft toys. Observe the evidence so far...




I'll post my penguin as soon as he's finished.

Viva la purple!

-----

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Gaining a Reputation

Today I went to my local yarn store, Abakhan, to get some yarn. I needed another ball of purple James C. Brett Marble Chunky for the sweater I'm making myself, and I needed a ball of King Cole Bamboo to finish off my penguin.

I took my purchases to the till, where the lady asked: "Is your favourite colour purple?"

Now, there are many things that might have made her ask this. It could be the purple vest I was wearing, or the purple skirt, or the purple streaks in my hair, or even the purple ribbons in my shoes. It might have been the ball of purple yarn I had placed in front of her. I think it was probably the fact that I go to Abakhan quite a bit, and that I buy yarn quite a bit. This particular lady serves me quite often. She might have noticed that 99% of my purchases are purple. Purple yarn, purple embroidery silks, purple beads, purple buttons. If they sold purple knitting needles I'd buy them too!

Viva la purple!

Combining the Blogs

I currently have three blogs, but it's getting confusing so I'm just gonna combine all three. I'm gonna post all the Purplocity blogs as an archive in one blog on here, and do the same with the One Day One Sentence blogs. Then I'm gonna post everything on this here blog, but with labels, so you can find a certain blog if you want.

New Thing # 13

Week 13: 23rd March 2009 – 29th March 2009

Date:- 29th March 2009
New Thing:- identify 100 things that make me happy

My new thing for this week was meant to be tasting absinthe at a party last night, but I've been ill and never went. So today I had to find something reasonably quick to do. I've settled on identifying 100 things that make me happy. It SHOULD be ok, because I'm in a reasonably good place at the moment, aside from being ill and having an idiot doctor. However, last time I took on a 100 things task, it wasn't as easy as I thought...

So here I go: 100 things that make me happy...

1) knitting, and seeing a piece come together
2) reading vampire stories
3) being curled up with N
4) cuddling with Gadget (she was my cat, I've decided I'm allowed to use things that made me happy in the past)
5) eating ice-cream
6) getting my hair done by the fabulous D
7) sorting out paperwork, or correcting someone else's spelling mistakes
8) sitting in Lindsay Bar for seven hours with friends
9) putting DVDs or books into alphabetical order
10) sitting in Nero with a frappe
11) wandering around Abakhan Fabrics (or any yarn store) fondling pretty yarns
12) cross stitching, and seeing an image start to take shape
13) typing (I miss being able to write my stories, so I blog)
14) kissing
15) piping hot showers
16) having so much control over GKL's humiliation :P
17) sorting Smarties into colour
18) waking up in the arms of someone I care about
19) purple
20) quoting Monty Python, or Lee Evans, and collapsing into giggles with my sister J
21) ticking my other sister M til she's about to pee herself
22) sitting by the sea
23) walking or dancing in rain
24) buying new notebooks I have no purpose for
25) singing loudly to musicals
26) playing characters of dodgy morality in RPGs
27) getting tattoos
28) planning to get more tattoos
29) flirting
30) getting letters and emails that aren't just junk or admin
31) superman (in all forms)
32) remembering good memories
33) stickers
34) the "Reddy Brek" glow I get after a Brownies meeting
35) eBay
36) watching DVDs
37) going to the cinema
38) Subways (currently a BBQ rib on Italian with tomatoes, onion, sweetcorn and mayo)
39) chocolate (I can't believe I forgot about that til 39!)
40) quotes
41) doing something that makes my friends happy
42) Taybarns
43) so many of the things N does, I'm not gonna use them as more than one or two, just see my mushy post...
44) discovering a new hobby
45) looking for pairs on the poster of badges in my bathroom
46) (apologies in advance for the cliche but) kittens and puppies
47) finding and buying outrageously random items from charity shops (recent purchases include a giant white gorilla, a duck hand puppet that quacks songs, and a giant button)
48) the fact that I have so much junk on my walls
49) beating people at Scene It
50) writing letters
51) organising
52) there are lots of things that make me happy that are dirty, so the next three will be RUDE! You were warned... giving oral
53) violent sex
54) admiring my sex wounds
55) my random road trips with GKL, where we ALWAYS get lost (even if we know exactly where we're going) - except for the ones where we end up mad at each other
56) pizza
57) Christmas shopping
58) wrapping, and rewrapping Christmas presents
59) Circus of Horrors
60) reading vampire erotica
61) beating Lithuania
62) eating peanut butter out of the jar
63) sitting in the sun outside Keele library
64) making lists
65) the satisfaction of crossing things off lists
66) naming inanimate objects
67) seeing my stories and poems in print
68) watching Holy Grail, or Sinderella
69) hehe, giggling at stupid childish things like '69'
70) getting so lost in a book I read the whole thing in one session without meaning to
71) texting
72) seeing my boobs in a really great top
73) someone else commenting on how great my boobs look
74) cuddles
75) skin
76) when the magic machine in the wall gives me money
77) labeling things
78) being told I look like my grandmother
79) handing in a completed assignment
80) getting a strike while bowling
81) the smell of leather
82) webcomics
83) sorting out beads
84) llama llama duck
85) bitching about "talent" show contestants
86) the satisfaction you get after figuring out where you recognise someone from
87) knowing exactly where something is even if my room is a complete tip and feeling vindicated
88) Dave Gorman
89) looking through the photos on my computer and having flashbacks
90) arguing with morons online
91) the way my skin feels after dousing it in talcum powder
92) sniffing candles in Yankee Candle and having delights in front of my nose all day
93) doing quizzes
94) meat (it may be murder, but it's tasty)
95) dooce
96) lolcatz, and loldogz and all related lolz
97) Stewie Griffin
98) Writing in my code and confusing people
99) playing tense games online (currently The Colour of Money)
100) blogging

Phew! So not as easy as I thought. When am I gonna learn? 100 items New Things are never ever easy!

The Bucket List

Since I mentioned it in my previous post, I thought I'd put my Bucket List up. If anyone can help me complete anything, let me know! For those who don't know, a Bucket List is things you want to do before you die (ie, kick the bucket).

1. Eat fugu

2. Join the Mile High Club

3. Get a tattoo
i. First tattoo in Stoke-on-Trent, 12/3/05
ii. Have gotten 16 more (as of 24/3/09)
iii. Total of 21 (as of 2/11/09)

4. Cross the equator

5. Go on a cruise

6. Spend Christmas in NYC

7. See the Cirque du Soleil
i. 19/3/09, in Birmingham, Quidam show

8. See the circus
i. Blackpool Tower Circus, 9/8/06
ii. Have also seen Circus of Horrors and Chinese State Circus (as of 24/3/09)

9. Attend a film premiere

10. Visit the Empire State Building
i. 24/10/05, during a ten day trip to NYC

11. See Niagara falls

12. Go on a safari

13. Drive the full length of Route 66

14. See a space shuttle launch

15. Walk across Brooklyn Bridge
i. 25/10/05, during a ten day trip to NYC

16. Swim with sharks

17. Weekend in Amsterdam

18. Ride the London Eye
i. 28/4/06, with Terry Johnson

19. Spend a weekend in Paris with a lover

20. Ride the Orient Express

21. Have my portrait painted

22. Send a message in a bottle

23. Shower under a waterfall

24. Marry my soulmate

25. Become a mother

26. Give blood
i. 29/5/07, in Stoke-on-Trent (blood type = O+)

27. Write a novel

28. Make love in a storm

29. See the Aurora Borealis

30. See a volcano (preferably erupting)

31. Complete a difficult 1000 piece jigsaw

32. Sleep under the stars

33. Go whalewatching

34. Make a roast dinner with ALL the trimmings

35. Be on TV
i. Brainteaser, 22/6/05

36. Chase a rainbow

37. Go paintballing

38. Go strawberry picking

39. Create an analemma

40. Stay in the Ice Palace

41. Experience complete silence

42. Write a Mills and Boon

43. See a ballet
i. The Nutcracker, at The Regent Theatre in S-o-T 17/1/09

44. See an opera

45. Write a letter to everyone I love telling them why

46. Hold a chimp

47. Stay in a really posh hotel - doormen with silly uniforms

48. See the Blue Man group
i. New York City 21.11.09

49. Have dinner at Medieval Times

50. Ride on a husky sled

New Thing # 12

Week 12: 16th March 2009 – 22nd March 2009

Date:- 19th March 2009
New Thing:- see Cirque du Soleil

I have always wanted to see Cirque du Soleil. It's on my Bucket List. So, when a newsletter from Ents24 came through with the option to win tickets, I naturally entered. Twice. Once for the Liverpool show and once for the Birmingham show. A few days later I had 2 more emails from Ents24. The first was a "sorry you have not won tickets to see Cirque du Soleil in Liverpool." Meh, whatever. I'm used to losing. I almost deleted the second email before reading. I'm glad I didn't. I had won two tickets (RRP £50 each)! Woohoo! Colour me chuffed.

Here's my ticket (naturally GKL got the other one):-



And here's the compliments slip from the lovely Adele at Ents24:-



After weeks of excitement though, and two other circuses (Circus of Horrors and the Chinese State Circus) I was actually a little disappointed.

It was good, don't get me wrong. The acts were spectacular. It was the inbetween bits. They were artsy. And vaguely disturbing in a Fantasia/ballet kinda way. Like there was (possibly) a plot going on, I just didn't understand it. GKL loved it, but then she understands ballets.

I'm very glad I saw it, and I probably would have paid to see it, eventually. But I won't be paying to go again, at least not the Quidam show. Maybe I could give their next show a chance. After all, it is the Cirque du Soleil.

Pushing the Limits - part 2

I'd just like to clarify that N, despite my earlier post, is not an evil neglectful boyfriend. When I wrote that blog I wasn't feeling well (I was at the start of another illness episode that I'm aware I haven't written about yet, and I will, but let me finish this first) and he wasn't magically reading my mind to discover I wanted a cuddle.

Yes, The Limit is real, but it's not as drastic as I made it out to be. He withdraws a little, but not huge huge amounts. It hurts a little, but I came to terms with the type of guy he is ages ago.

For instance, on our first date N brought me a necklace at a German Christmas market in Manchester. This was November 24th 2007, and because I play with it a lot, the little metal pendant is getting worn and tarnished. So on Friday I asked him if he'd buy me a new one. He said no. This was not astonishing. But he did say I could buy myself one and give him back less of the money I owe him. So he buys me presents, in his own little way. Because he is lovely.

He's lazy, and antisocial at times, but he is lovely. He may not have been as attentive today as he was on Friday night, but he still gave me soft, slow, spinetingling kisses, and he still worried about me when I got ill on the way home. He is still my N.

Right, onto illness. For the past few months I've been going through phases of severe headaches (I've always had headaches cos I don't wear my glasses properly, but these have been worse), nausea, occasional vomiting, dizzy spells, and just generally feeling crap. It hasn't been consistent in any way. Just frustrating. No three straight days of illness then I'm fine. A few hours then nothing for three days. A day, then nothing. An afternoon, then nothing. It comes and goes.

Not only do I have to deal with my depressive episodes, I now have illness episodes. GKL and N both think I should see my doctor. They're probably right, but I avoid my doctor, because he's an idiot and tells me everything that's wrong with me is to do the fact that I'm fat. That's the reason I haven't been to see him about my knees either.

God, I'm old and falling apart.

Pushing Limits

I am a masochist.

This isn't really news to anyone who knows me. But today I realised something. I'd always considered a masochist to be someone who enjoys pain. Sexually I do. I have a very violent sex life and I love it. But I also seem to hurt myself without realising it. I constantly decide to embark on large projects or events, knowing full well that it'll fail or that I'll be stressed and harassed for weeks. I'm a complete klutz, always walking into things. I'm pretty sure I scratch myself in my sleep. And today I realised another little habit that I think I've known about for a while, but have probably been in denial about. Something to do with N.

Now at this point my beloved GKL would likely point out that everything to do with N displays my masochism. She's probably right. I let our previous turns together drag on far too long, hurting myself in the process, because I didn't want to let go. I do stupid things like invite him to parties, or Humanities Balls, knowing that even though it's fairly important to me, he's an antisocial git and will say no. I know he'll say no, I know it'll upset me, and yet I continue to ask.

The limits I mentioned pushing in the title are to do with N (unsurprisingly) and the weekends we spend together. We don't meet up every weekend, for various reasons. My social life and him being the aforementioned antisocial git are the main reasons. But we meet on average every fortnight. I miss him between these times, and I suppose he misses me in his own way, so I like the weekends we are together to be as long as possible. From as early as we can manage on the Friday to as late as possible on the Sunday. This is all the time I get with N and I want it to last.

When he comes to Stoke we don't usually have any problems. We curl up in my bed, watching movies, sleeping, eating, playing around, and generally enjoying each other's company. When I go to him in Leyland, things are a little different. For the first few hours he's all over me. Attentive, loving, sweet, kind, delicious. On the Saturday he'll play on his computer while I sit on his bed knitting, or reading, or working. And that's ok, because he'll turn to me every ten minutes or so to check I'm ok, or to ask if I want anything, or to rub my feet. And every so often he'll leave the computer and we'll curl up on the bed and watch something on tv, or a movie, or just snuggle and play around.

At around 9 or 10 on the Saturday night we hit The Limit. This is the point where he starts to lose interest. That sounds harsh, but I think it's just that he's worked out the missing me part and is being distracted by too much of his own stuff. His computer games, or his books, or his forums. And antisocial N comes out again. I know he doesn't mind me being there, but his turning to me to check I'm ok becomes less frequent. He becomes less likely to turn and kiss me, or climb on the bed and snuggle with me.

By the Sunday lunch time I'm sat on the bed feeling neglected and hurting and wondering if he's gone off me. Even though I KNOW he hasn't and that he's just passed his limit for consecutive company hours, it still hurts.

N has many flaws and I love him despite them, but sometimes I don't get why I insist on doing this to myself. Yes, I want to spend as much time with him as I can. But surely a short but sweet weekend that ends on Saturday evening would be better than a full weekend that ends with me sad and scared and worried? I know this. Logically I know this, and yet I'm still sat on N's bed while he plays his games and hasn't looked at me in an hour.

Earlier I was "playing" alone on his bed, thinking (fool!) that he'd notice and like it and come play with me. Wrong! On a Friday or a Saturday it would have worked. But how dare I expect my boyfriend to be interested in me on a Sunday. That's way past The Limit. Foolish girl. All that happened was, about ten minutes after I'd finished and sat up, he asked me if I'd enjoyed that. I could have slapped him.

I know the solution. I could get up and get dressed and go home now, four hours earlier than planned. Or next time I could catch the last train home on the Saturday night. But I won't, because I don't know how long it'll be til I see him again and I want every second of him that I can get. And because I'm a fool. A hopelessly devoted, masochistic fool.

Purplocity

I suppose the big news is that I saw Cirque du Soleil today, but I'd rather just mention my new blog...

purplocity.blogspot.com

I have three blogs now!

Happy Birthday N

Today is my handsome boyfriend's 26th birthday. Because he is who he is, he doesn't like to celebrate his birthday, and so he's at home playing computer games and sending me dirty texts, and I can't celebrate it with him. So, I'm going to celebrate it here in my own special way. By getting ridiculously mushy and telling you all why I love him.

We've been through a lot, and we've broken up several times. We both suffer from depression and (I'm sure I've mentioned this before), while mine makes me desperately need people, his makes him close off and withdraw. Which makes it very difficult for us at times. Very very difficult. Especially since I'm a very needy person. Ideally I'd love to have a boyfriend who showered me with compliments and romantic gestures and things. I don't have that, but I do have N. And, despite everything he does to drive me crazy, I wouldn't swap him for anyone. Except maybe Jensen Ackles :D

Anyway, the things I love about N...

- he's an uber geek.

- he wears geeky t-shirts.

- if a jingle or song comes on, he does these silly little dances.

- the fact that he's a bigger chocoholic than me (he dipped chocolate chunks in chocolate fondue).

- he's my proof of love at first sight. The second I saw him in that train station, I knew I wanted to be his.

- his girly soft smooth skin.

- the way his eyes are sometimes blue, sometimes hazel, sometimes green.

- that I can read things in his eyes he doesn't even know he feels.

- when he's playing his computer games, and I'm on his bed reading or knitting, he'll turn to me after each fight/round to check I'm ok, or rub my feet, or lean over and kiss me.

- the way he'll rub my shoulder or kiss the top of my head every so often when we're snuggled watching telly.

- our first date was a Doctor Who exhibit at a science museum.

- if he's walking up the stairs behind me, he can't resist grabbing my ass.

- our sex life is just.... wow!

- he shares/indulges my kinks and fetishes.

- that smug grin he gets when he's made me orgasm.

- that vicious look he gets when things are gonna get violent.

- his amazing ability to rub my aches and pains til they don't hurt anymore.

- the fact that when I'm around him, none of my problems or worries seem so bad.

- that he's the only person in the world who can make my brain shut the hell up.

- his kisses make my spine melt.

- he has a high pain threshold ;)

- a month after we got together, bailiffs showed up at my door (for reasons we won't get into) and while I cried, N handed over his credit card.

- he skipped down the street with my baby sister and my best friend's boyfriend.

- he doesn't compliment me very often, but when he does everything inside me gets warm and glowy.

- he takes care of me. He tells me to take my pills, and checks that I get enough to drink.

- he lets me curl up against him and lean on him, even when he's not really in the mood.

- he doesn't mind that I snore like a baby elephant, or that I toss and turn in my sleep.

- he likes my freckles.

- i have never felt like I have to keep secrets from him. In fact, I physically can't. When we met I had some pretty big secrets, and I told him almost instantly. I can tell him anything, and he never judges me.

- he loves me, despite my craziness, clinginess and insanity.

- his long, soft, white fingers. Geek fingers, completely uncalloused.

- he can fiddle with my laptop for five minutes and make it work a billion times better.

- cows.

- I even love the fact that he won't eat fruit and veg.

- his delicious ass :D I'm just as incapable of grabbing his.

- although he likes spending his birthday alone, last year he came to help me move.

- he admits when he's been an ass (sometimes).

- the way his hair looks after he's had a shower.

- how safe I feel when he holds me.

- that, even though I'm bigger than him, I feel feminine when I'm with him.

- his slightly crooked grin.

- his belts.

- his accent. The way he says certain words. And "t'other".

- the way he tastes.

I could keep writing this list forever. I love everything about him. I think I even love that he drives me insane all the time. I love that he shows his mushiness in checking I'm ok, and kissing the top of my head, even though I moan that he's not as mushy as me.

I need to stop now. He's requested some photos for his birthday. Dirty perv. Actually, that's another thing I love about him.

New Thing #11

Week 11: 9th March 2009 – 15th March 2009

Date:- all week
New Thing:- give up my phone for a week

Sun 9.30pm - Turned off mobile. Yelp!

Mon 2.30am - Woke up, automatically reached for phone, when it was off I went to turn it on (still half asleep) but caught myself in time.

Mon 7.09pm - Turned it on to get GKL's number, so I could call her from a payphone. Didn't read or send any messages so only a mild indiscretion.

Mon 9.30pm - One day! Woohoo! Six days to go. Not so woohoo.

Mon 9.50pm - Turned phone on to get some photos off it. Still no sending messages though.

Tues 1.30am - Starting to get antsy. Feel like texting N, but won't. Feels odd.

Tues 3.14pm - Just got back from uni. Was very odd. I'm used to coming out of lectures or meetings and automatically reaching to check my phone. I was convinced I heard my ringtone on the bus this morning. Plus, I had to wear a sodding watch.

Tues 9.30pm - Two days down, 5 to go. I'm getting there.

Wed 1.46am - Starting to miss N. He doesn't check his email often enough. I need to do this week, cos I won't have my mobile for 16 weeks while I'm in America, but if anything is gonna make me fail it'll be missing him. On the other hand, the ridiculing I'll get off him is enough to give me strength.

Wed 10.28pm - Turned phone on and texted N, but only because I came home from KURA to an email telling me that my exboyfriend has died. Bit of a shock, pushing me over the boundary of ill/tired/stressed into edgy and nearly episodey.

So I failed. I didn't last a week without my phone. But I did last 73 hours. Nearly halfway, but not quite. Still, no one said I needed to actually complete all my new things.

New Thing # 10

Week 10: 2nd March 2009 – 8th March 2009

Date:- March 7th 2009
New Thing:- set a helium balloon free with a message attached

Today I went into three card shops until I found one that a) had any helium and b) had a balloon that didn't have an age or an inappropriate message on it. I ended up buying this one...



...and then naming it Gregory. Then I attached the following message to it:

"To whoever finds this. Please text 07533 XXXXXX or email english.blahblahblah@genericemail.com to complete the experiment. Cleo 7/3/09"

Then GKL and I spent hours trying to find the perfect place to let him go. Eventually we released Gregory at the bus stop outside Wilkos. We watched him bounce and fly towards several buses before vanishing over the top of a building. Jen reckons the love of my life will find it and we'll have a wonderful story to tell our kids. Here's hoping.

Quotes

It's been an odd week. I've been suffering from edginess all week (mainly because my nan had triple bypass surgery on Monday and I didn't get any news til Thursday) and it's been manifesting in excessive sleeping. Not so good, but I'm better now. Glad to report that my nan is doing well. It also helps that N seems to be coming out of his funk.

In not so good news both GKL and C had horrendous days yesterday, and the whole week has been hard for L. My heart and best wishes go out to all of them, and to anyone else who has to suffer car crashes, bank problems or family funerals.

It was mine and GKL's two year anniversary last weekend. When we talk about our anniversary like that it's no wonder that sometimes we get mistaken for a lesbian couple, and we do act like an old married couple sometimes. But she's officially the longest relationship I've ever had, and I love her dearly. Two down, forever to go.

It was also GKL's birthday on Wednesday and we gathered with some friends at her apartment to drink and prepare for a night in the Union. I have to say I enjoyed being at her place more than I enjoyed the Union. I'm not a dancer, so I much prefer house parties. Sitting around with a group of friends, chatting and laughing and drinking. Much more fun in my opinion.

I'd like to thank GKL and her lovely new fella IMP for horribly embarrassing me for most of the night. Quick sidenote to IMP - ALWAYS LEAVE AN ESCAPE ROUTE. Also, some general advice for everyone really - if you're going to attempt to set up a friend with someone, don't talk to the friend's boyfriend about how it's a good idea cos then she'll have more sex with him.

I did get some perfect quotes from the night though...

"Don't you think Osama Bin Laden has lovely eyes?" - SC

"Is it me, or are you dressed like a school girl?" GKL, at the Union, on School Uniform night.

I have some very... special... friends.

New Thing # 9

Week 9: 23rd February 2009 – 1st March 2009

Date:- March 1st 2009
New Thing:- write a letter to your future self

Another not-as-easy-as-it-sounds task. I got a little confused by tenses and pronouns, but I'm pleased with the outcome.

I won't write it all out, some of it is a little private, but here are one or two choice snippets:

"You're stronger than you think you are."

"Things may get better, they may get worse, they may stay exactly as they are now, but you will continue to cope."

"You are kind and loving and generous. You give your time, money, effort and love to your Brownies. You are multi-talented, you are intelligent, you make people laugh. You are beautiful, and special and sweet. As I write this I only 40% believe it (and I'm having a high confidence day). I hope that by the time you read this you 100% believe it."

I've sealed it and labeled it to not be opened until at least 1st March 2019.

New Thing # 8

Week 8: 16th February 2009 – 22nd February 2009

Date:- February 21th 2009
New Thing:- go to a craft fair

The fair in question was Craft 4 Crafters at the International Centre in Telford. I saw it advertised in a stitching magazine months ago and invited all of Stitch and Bitch, but no one was interested so GKL, C and I went alone. Surprise 1 of the day - we managed to correctly follow the directions that Google maps gave us and not get lost. Surprise 2 - the other half of the building was hosting the Midlands MCM (Movies Comics Media) Expo and the place was swarming with delicious nerds and people in costume. The two shows has an adjoining food court and we considered sneaking in for a quick peek, but then realised you needed a hand stamp. A shame but the craft fair was more than enough to keep us occupied.

We started the day with a beading workshop. Here we are looking more genuinely happy than I've seen any of us in ages:-



Although we had difficulty hearing the instructor we learned quite a bit and came out with some beautiful new jewellery.



C and I also came out with yet another expensive new hobby, as if we didn't have enough already, and headed straight for the beading stall where (surprise # 3) didn't spend any money. Yet. We'd made a group decision to look around the whole thing before spending any money, and we managed to keep to it. Aside from buying GKL a gorgeous fur coat from a shop called Naked Penguin. It's her birthday present from me.

During our tour of the place we experienced some new crafts - admire my pressed flower bookmark and my embossing powder quill:-




And we mentally spent a million pounds each. Then, we each spent money! We hadn't planned to because we'd assumed all the prices would be hyped up, but (surprise # 4) most of it was on sale. I refuse to admit how much I spent, but here's a picture of my stash:



I had a fabulous day. We all did. We are most definitely going back next year.