Dear Internet

To the internet. To my many and loyal followers who have been mourning the absence of interesting and humorous posts on my blog. My sincerest apologies. The recent months have presented computer troubles, a trip to the laptop hospital for my darling Archimedes, financial woes, internet failures, breakdowns in communication with service provides, and general strife. I’m just posted the missing blog entries from my hiatus. I deeply appreciate anyone who takes the time to read the abundance of posts, and don’t just skip them all.

My internet woes are not quite over. I’m using a prepay internet service at the moment, and have but an hour. But hopefully I will return to you all soon.

New Thing: Challenge # 23

Challenge 23 – Write a manifesto.

Passed. It was actually kinda therapeutic. Affirming. I thought I was going to write about all these big changes I’d planned to make in my life, and it turns out I’m actually kinda happy as I am. Here it is:

My name is Colette Hayley Horsburgh and this is my manifesto. This is who I am, who I have been and who I want to be. I am 27 years, 7 months and 18 days old, and I am not where I always wanted to be by this age. My life wasn’t as straightforward as I’d planned. Many things went wrong, and a lot of twists and turns corrupted my path. By now I can’t even clearly remember what I wanted to do or where I wanted to be. I just know that I haven’t achieved it. I don’t have the education and qualifications I would have liked. My physical condition is much worse than I would have liked. I don’t have the family, or friend base, that I would have liked. But I am here. Despite the traumas of my past, I am still here. I’m not who I had planned to be, but I’m still here. And although the last 27 years, 7 months and 18 days haven’t gone quite right, I have time to change that.

I don’t have to be who I am, or in the state that I am in. If I don’t want to be, I can change it. Change is difficult. When you have depression and many of its related disabilities, change is slow and hard and near impossible. But I can still do it. All I need to figure out is what I want to change.

I haven’t had the education I’d planned; the education that every person is expected to have. School, college, university. It didn’t work out that way for me. And now, even if I could choose a degree subject that would keep me interested, I wouldn’t be able to afford it. Not in the foreseeable future. So university isn’t an option anymore, but there are still other avenues I could follow. The internet provides a million opportunities to learn. Not all of them conclude with certificates or qualifications, but I can still learn. I can learn math, philosophy, science, art, history. Anything I choose to learn will be somewhere on the internet. All I have to do is find it.

By now I had wanted to have found love, and be married, and have children. I’m not quite there yet. I have love. I have a wonderful, if complicated, relationship that I want to, and plan to, be in for the rest of my life. Maybe one day we’ll get married. Maybe one day we’ll have children. I want that. I want to be a wife and a mother. I want to spend my days looking after our children, and my evenings looking after my husband. That is my dream, and my plan, but it is one that I’m willing to give up if my love doesn’t want it. I want him.

Now that I’m writing this, and focusing on what I need to change, I’m not entirely sure that I want to change that much of it. Who I am at the moment is not the socially-acceptable norm. I don’t sleep when I’m supposed to, or socialise like I’m supposed, or look like I’m supposed to, or act like I’m supposed to. And I have my issues. My depression is a constant blight on my life, but it’s manageable. My sleeping routine is erratic at best, but I’m working hard on changing that, despite many many failures. I don’t leave the house as much as I probably should, but I don’t really have anywhere to go anyway. I’m not entirely right, but I’m happy with my lot in life. There isn’t that much that I want to change.

I can do the things that I want to do. I can learn. I can love. I have friends and I have family. I have hobbies and talents and interests. I don’t have aspirations for big things in life. I don’t need a big house, or a 12 figure bank account. I don’t need a degree or a thousand friends. I don’t need a lot.

A manifesto is a public statement of intent. So here it is. My intentions for life are simple. I intend to work to have a routine in my life. I intend to work to manage my depression and my weight. I intend to maintain and enjoy my relationship. Ideally I intend to marry my love, and bear his children and look after his family. I intend to make small changes to keep myself happy, and to not worry so much about what I should be doing or feeling. I am Colette Hayley Horsburgh and I intend to continue to be me.


Current saved total: £45
Current donated total: £70

HSKS update

Because of my computer issues, and then the internet issues, I haven’t been keeping up to date with the HSKS. It sucks, majorly, because I love the roleplay of this swap. I was really, REALLY looking forward to playing quidditch. I was going to be the seeker, but I’ve managed to miss every single game. I could follow the forum posts on my phone, but I couldn’t post any messages. Most frustrating.

Most of the homework I’ve missed was generally swap blogging, but there are two classes I’ve done here.

Week 6 – Potions

Part one...

I've used internet pictures for two reasons. First of all, I have no plants in the house and the chances of me getting out of the house anytime soon are pretty slim. Secondly, it's too late for the extra points anyway.


This one is Rambling Red Wine, and can be used in potions to ease hangovers.


This is Spider's Delight and is used in potions for dealing with insect infestations.


This is a Butterfly Plant and is used by broomstick manufacturers in the varnish they apply to the brooms.


This is Jellyfishia, and is very toxic. If used in a potion, it will create a burning, stinging sensation when applied to skin.


This is a Sunburst. When dried and ground, its powder can be thrown into fires to increase the light and heat radiating from it. Especially good for small campfires that just aren't warm enough.

Part two...


a. Sneezewort, scurvy grass and lovage are used to make confusing draft, NOT allergen solution, babbling befuddlement or wandering agent.
b. Porcupine quills must be added to Boil Cure Potion AFTER it is removed from the fire.
c. Draught of Living Death should change from deep purple, to lilac, to clear as water during brewing.
d. Adding belladonna to the Draught of Peace would bring permanent peace because it is poisonous.
e. Chopped daisy roots, skinned shrivel-fig, sliced caterpillar, one rat spleen and a dash of leech juice are all ingredients to shrinking solution.

Part three...

This part was to show the ingredients and methods used for one of my own potions. I don't have any ingredients in at the moment, so here are internet pictures.

Potion: Fruit Funblast

Fill a glass with one third Archer's Peach Schnapps...

...one third orange juice...

...one third apple juice...

...and a VERY generous splash of rum!


Week 9 – Arithmancy

Puzzle 1 = Dobby
Puzzle 2 = Harry Potter
Puzzle 3 = Hog’s Head

New Thing: Challenge # 22

Challenge 22 – see below

So, the challenge I picked from the bucket was to hold a marbles tournament. And I was all prepared for it. My marbles were out, I’d looked up the rules, and I was going to play with Jen and Cayden when they came over to watch Eurovision.

Meanwhile, my little sister Michaela has been doing challenges too, for £1 a challenge. To be honest, I hadn’t expected her to stay interested for so long. Maybe if she makes the whole year I’ll think of a special treat for her. Anyway, she can’t always do the same challenges as me, for various reasons, so I think of separate ones for her. This week, she couldn’t do the challenge because she doesn’t have any marbles. I had trouble thinking of one, so I just told her to win 10 games of solitaire on her computer.

Then Saturday comes around, Jen and Cayden and arrive and we’re all too tired to even move very much, let alone figure out how to draw a circle on the floor and have a marbles tournament. So, instead of failing, I cheated a teeny tiny bit and decided to change the challenge to the same one as Michaela’s, but with 30 wins instead of 10.

Turns out I failed anyway. Only got 26. If I hadn’t been sleeping 20 hours at a time I might have made it.

Current saved total: £40
Current donated total: £70

New Thing: Challenge # 21

Challenge 21 – List 100 things that annoy you

This is my second attempt at this challenge. It wasn’t easy the first time, and it wasn’t easy the second time. Although I managed it this time. Eventually.

It’s ridiculously difficult. I’m one of those people who is very easily pleased, and also very easily annoyed. Yet I couldn’t list 100 things that annoy me. This annoyed me, as you’ll see from item # 38 in the following list:

1) Nightmares
2) Having no internet
3) Hot, muggy weather
4) Bright, cherry, retina-burning sunlight
5) Cats who break into the trash bin overnight and spread it everywhere
6) Rabbits who eat shoes
7) Scents that don’t smell anything like they’re supposed to
8) Working all day on a pattern and having to restart it at the last minute
9) Finding a really beautiful frame and not being able to add it to my collection because it’s a stand frame only
10) Sour sweets that are that tiny bit too sour
11) Mobile phone networks that can’t maintain their SMS services
12) Ebay sellers that don’t post the items you buy from them
13) Rabbits who chew through phone chargers
14) Chairs that collapse underneath you
15) Running out of chocolate
16) That itch in the middle of your back that you can’t quite reach from any angle
17) Not being able to sleep
18) Finally falling asleep after hours of trying, sleeping for an hour and then waking up and being wide awake
19) Undiagnosed shoulder pains
20) Getting down to 10 mahjong tiles and finding you can go no further
21) People who are inconsiderate
22) People who are narrowminded
23) People who are rude
24) People who are cruel
25) People who mistreat dogs
26) Headaches
27) Animals that go running across laptops, closing the windows I have open
28) Not having enough bookshelves for all your books
29) Having too many outgoings for your incomings
30) Stitching calluses that haven’t reached callus point and are just sores
31) Scouse accents
32) Brummie accents
33) White boys pretending to be black
34) Having to miss quidditch games because of having no internet/computer
35) Companies who can’t give me the same information twice
36) Companies who put typos on forms and try to charge me £80 when I’m actually still under warranty
37) Boyfriends who live too far away for instant cuddles
38) Being bugged by everything but not being able to pinpoint it to a list
39) That Subway doesn’t deliver
40) That KFC doesn’t deliver
41) People who make assumptions about me and my life based on their own
42) Having to tidy up for strangers
43) Not having the cojones to follow my own advice
44) Stupid Miami crime scene investigators and their annoying habit of stating the bleeding obvious
45) Losing a slipper
46) Beds that fall apart when you’re sleeping on them
47) Not having a decent functioning sewing machine
48) Facing the possibility of failing the same challenge twice
49) Feeling guilty for not being able to think of 20 things I love about my boyfriend and my best friends
50) Craving a food you can only get in another country
51) Knowing a million good medical, physical and emotional reasons for having to lose weight, and still not wanting to
52) Father’s day
53) Shops that incessantly harp on about father’s day
54) Father/daughter movies and tv shows
55) Landlords that don’t make repairs when they say they will
56) Being afraid to ask landlords about said repairs because of past rent issues
57) Owning a beautiful blanket box that I was given for free, and it not closing properly but not knowing what to do to fix it
58) Bad tv signal
59) Bloody huge trees preventing me getting Sky cos it blocks the signal
60) Not being in a cabled area for Virgin TV
61) Gas companies that insist they’ve been supplying you and try to charge you while another company is saying the same thing
62) Waiting months for an important medical appointment, then going to the wrong bloody place
63) Doctors who tell you that your physical issues are “growing pains”
64) Doctors who tell you that your physical issues are “cos you’re fat”
65) Writer’s block
66) Finally completing a series of books to find out there’s a new one and you can’t afford it
67) The itchy burn of leg hair growing back
68) Constant ankle pain
69) Horatio Caine’s sunglasses
70) Not spotting the cat puke you’re about to stand in
71) Depression
72) Dehydration headaches
73) Spending more time on the loo than off it
74) Settling in for a long hot bubble bath, and running out of hot water
75) Not seeing your boyfriend for four months
76) Being bored
77) Horror movie characters who just accept that the bad guy is dead
78) “permanent” ink that’s not permanent
79) Hating the mess of your house but having no inclination to tidy it
80) Having no “oomph”
81) Fat sores
82) Chub rub
83) Reformatting my PC and forgetting I don’t have Microsoft Office
84) People who don’t get back to you when they say they will
85) Having to wait for anything
86) Itchy knees
87) Not knowing when something will be delivered
88) Waiting in for a delivery due between 9 and 5 that arrives at 4.50
89) That my baby sister is getting wed before me
90) Temperatures above 10°c
91) Typos in published books and magazines
92) Anne Robinson
93) Idiots who get easy questions wrong on game shows
94) The over-sensitivity of my laptop mouse-pad
95) The under-sensitivity of my bottom mouse button
96) Only remembering to wear my glasses when it’s too late to stop the headache
97) Treacle
98) Waking up early and not being able to get back to sleep
99) Getting 30 emails in a day and not a single one being from an actual person
100) That floss spindles that are cardboard get tatty quickly, but the writing doesn’t stay on plastic ones

Current saved total: £40
Current donated total: £65

New Thing: Challenge # 20

Challenge 20 – Write “20 Things I like about you” letters to five friends.

This was insanely difficult. Aside from having trouble even picking 5 friends, I had trouble pinpoint what I like about them. I love them. Completely. And I would do anything for any one of them. But sitting down and writing a list of pinpointed reasons why I like them is practically impossible. By the end of the week I only had more than 10 for one of them, so I failed the challenge. But I kept at it, and even now, 4 weeks later, I still don’t have any completed lists.

Neil

1) The way you refuse to admit your eyes are grey.
2) Those happy little jigs you do.
3) Your knee-popping kisses.
4) The fact that I can never go thirsty around you because you’re forever getting me drinks.
5) Your luscious northern accent. (“Hair” = “her”)
6) The tiny dimple under your chin where your stubble doesn’t grow.
7) The way you patiently lead me through the low levels of your computer games.
8) That you chase away my nightmares just by being near me.
9) Your sleepy, no glasses first-thing-in-the-morning look.
10) That angry, possessive look you get in special situations.
11) How comfortably I fit in your nook.
12) Your picky eating habits.
13) That I can’t look at a bar of Cadbury’s without smiling.
14) That you’re my proof in love at first sight.
15) That I can see myself with you for the rest of my life with no doubts.
16) That you’re my own personal IT support.
17) That you let stress and my tantrums wash over you so easily.

Jen

1) Your passion
2) The talent you have for channelling long past decades
3) Your giggle (for short times)
4) How deliciously soft your lips are
5) How open-minded you can be
6) The fact that you taught me to knit
7) The way we bicker like an old married couple
8) Our simple, comfortable silences
9) Quiche
10) Your baking talent
11) Your dress sense
12) The way it feels when you’re straightening my hair or doing my make up
13) That even when you’re angry at me, you still take care of me
14) Our unfailing ability to end up on the A34
15) That even though our friendship looks lopsided and disturbing to everyone, we have our own way of balancing out
16) That we can have rough patches, but still come through them

Cayden

1) Your honesty and openness. You don’t keep anything hidden.
2) You understand my depression.
3) Our shared OCD.
4) Boxes. Really useful boxes.
5) You get as addicted to new crafts as I do.
6) You’re my only cross-stitching friend.
7) We can sit and stitch the night away without realising it.
8) You make me feel normal.
9) Two Southerners against the north.
10) Your complete craziness.
11) You brought me Guylian.
12) You completely share my passion for pens and stationary – more than anyone else.

Jennie

1) Your passion for purple
2) You still call me Colly-Wobbles
3) Your persistence
4) You’re a complete and utter looney
5) Your style and dress sense
6) Your sense of humour
7) That all my earliest/oldest memories have you in them
8) That if you can help, you will
9) That you continue to defend certain family members, even after everything they’ve done
10) That you’re letting me bring two guests to your wedding for support, and that you understand why I need the support
11) Monty Python quoting sessions
12) Lee Evans quoting sessions
13) That we can spend hours giggling over lolcats more than anyone else

Michaela

1) Sprogget and Eggface
2) That you love me exactly as I am
3) That you see nothing wrong with ending up like me
4) That you will defend me to anyone
5) That you’re happy to do pretty much anything as long as you’re with someone
6) Your adorable cuteness that hasn’t faded
7) That you look so much like me
8) Your passion for dogs
9) That we’re so close. Did you know that when I found out Mummy was pregnant with you, I was scared you’d never recognise me?
10) Your passion for books
11) Your Scouting heart

Current saved total: £35
Current donated total: £65

New Thing: Challenge # 19

Challenge 19 – Spend 3 minutes listing things I think I can do in 3 minutes, and then test them all. Complete at least 3 to pass.

So, here’s my list...

1) Eat 15 After Eight mints (one by one, without using hands) – inspired by a dude on Britain’s Got Talent.
2) Knit 15 rows of 10 stitches, not including cast on and a foundation row.
3) Run (or walk or crawl) up AND down the stairs 3 times.
4) Stand on one leg without falling over or leaning on anything.
5) Thread 50 seed beads.
6) Drink 6 glasses of water.
7) Name 25 different colours.
8) Find 20 words from a 10 letter word given by an independent person.
9) Land 25 marbles in a bucket from the other side of the table.

And here’s what happened...

1) FAIL. I got 13 and a half. Cayden called time as I chewed the 14th. I did beat Jen. She only managed 8 and a half. Cayden tried and did all 15 in 2 minutes and 23 seconds!

2) FAIL again. I did 5 rows. I seriously overestimated how fast I knit.

3) I was tempted to not even try this one, because I didn’t think I could do it. But I did. And I did it in 1 minutes and 2 seconds. I do feel like I’m having a heart attack though.

4) FAIL! I got 2 seconds, and they let me have another try, then I got 3 seconds and landed on the cat.

5) FAIL! I got 19. Not as easy as you’d think. Cayden did it and got 51. Jammy git.

6) Pass, but not comfortably. I drank 6 200ml glasses of water in 2 minutes and 20 seconds. Talk about feeling bloated though.

7) Pass. Not as easy as it sounds, but I passed.

1. Red
2. Orange
3. Yellow
4. Blue
5. Green
6. Indigo
7. Violet
8. Black
9. White
10. Grey
11. Purple
12. Pink
13. Turquoise
14. Fuschia
15. Magenta
16. Brown
17. Lilac
18. Ivory
19. Navy
20. Mint
21. Peach
22. Cream
23. Magnolia
24. Tan
25. Silver
26. Gold
27. Bronze
28. Ruby

8) Pass. Cayden gave me the word Pabulation. I got 31 words. Cayden only got 1 (ablution) but then he spent the whole time looking for the longest word possible.

1. Ion
2. Pan
3. Pun
4. Pin
5. Tin
6. Nit
7. Lint
8. Nip
9. Pot
10. Top
11. Opt
12. Blot
13. Nil
14. Lip
15. Lab
16. Bail
17. Pail
18. Nail
19. Tail
20. Lion
21. Pit
22. Tip
23. Pat
24. Tap
25. Apt
26. Bolt
27. Not
28. Ton
29. Tab
30. Bat
31. Plant

9) Big success. Popular too. Carol and Cayden both had a go. They both beat me though. I got 52, Carol beat me by one, and Cayden doubled her score.

Current saved total: £35
Current donated total: £60

New Thing: Challenge # 18

Challenge 18 – Knit a Sock

This was a two week challenge, but yet again I’m pre-emptively failing myself.

I started it! I found very detailed and picture-heavy instructions and followed them carefully. I cast on, I started. I got the hang of using dpns (double pointed needles for the uninitiated). I struggled through 2x2 rib in really teeny tiny and I went round and round and round. My joins weren’t too great, but I did it.

I had one inch down of eight inches of ribbing and took my sock to Taybarns to work on while chatting. And all the stitches fell off. :-(

I still have a week, but I’m working on a really big project at the moment and just don’t have the heart to restart it. It’s going back in the box and I might pick it again one day.

Current saved total: £30
Current donated total: £60

New Thing: Challenge # 17

Challenge 17 – List 100 Harry Potter characters in one hour.

Easy! Well, kinda. You know how you can think of a character, and remember exactly where they appeared in the stories, what they did, their affect on the plot, what they look like, their family tree, their habits and hobbies... but you can’t remember their bloody name? Lots of that going on. But I did manage it.

1) Harry Potter
2) Hermione Granger
3) Ron Weasley
4) Severus Snape
5) Albus Dumbledore
6) Lord Voldemort
7) Vernon Dursley
8) Petunia Dursley
9) Dudley Dursley
10) Piers
11) Ginny Weasley
12) Fred Weasley
13) George Weasley
14) Percy Weasley
15) Bill Weasley
16) Charlie Weasley
17) Molly Weasley
18) Arthur Weasley
19) Lily Potter
20) James Potter
21) Aberforth Dumbledore
22) Lucius Malfoy
23) Draco Malfoy
24) Narcissa Malfoy
25) Bellatrix Lestrange
26) Rubeus Hagrid
27) Minerva McGonagall
28) Professor Flitwick
29) Professor Quirrell
30) Gilderoy Lockhart
31) Remus Lupin
32) Nymphadora Tonks
33) Mad Eye Moody
34) Dolores Umbridge
35) Horace Slughorn
36) Lee Jordan
37) Neville Longbottom
38) Augusta Longbottom
39) Regalus Black
40) Madame Rosmerta
41) Peter Pettigrew
42) Angelina Johnson
43) Oliver Wood
44) Vincent Crabbe
45) Gregory Goyle
46) Pansy Parkinson
47) Sirius Black
48) Kreacher
49) Dobby
50) Peeves
51) Buckbeak
52) Seamus Finnigan
53) Cormac McLaggen
54) Godric Gryffindor
55) Helga Hufflepuff
56) Salazar Slytherin
57) Rowena Ravenclaw
58) Fleur Delacour
59) Gabriella Delacour
60) Igor Karkaroff
61) Viktor Krum
62) Madame Maxime
63) Cedric Diggory
64) Cho Chang
65) Madam Pince
66) Poppy Pomfrey
67) Argus Filch
68) Mrs Norris
69) Arabella Figg
70) Newt Scamander
71) Bloody Baron
72) Fat Friar
73) Fat Lady
74) Sir Cadogan
75) Madame Trelawny
76) Penelope Clearwater
77) Ernie MacMillan
78) Dean Thomas
79) Professor Sprout
80) Colin Creevey
81) Dennis Creevey
82) Luna Lovegood
83) Xenophilius Lovegood
84) Fudge
85) Ollivander
86) Kingsley Shacklebolt
87) Padma Patil
88) Parvati Patil
89) Madam Hooch
90) Crookshanks
91) Hedwig
92) Pigwidgeon
93) Errol
94) Aragog
95) Norbert
96) Barty Crouch
97) Barty Crouch Jr.
98) Winky
99) Ludo Bagman
100) Nearly Headless Nick

Of course, now it’s over, I feel like I could name another hundred, but possibly not in an hour. Maybe a hundred in a week.

Current saved total: £30
Current donated total: £55

Current Affairs Rant - from April 30th

I don’t normally write about current affairs on here, but there’s no one else in my house to discuss this with, so blog it is. My laptop has gone off for repair (which is why these are postdated) and I have the TV on for background noise. I’ve just heard – amidst a lot of election gumpf – about the relationship counsellor (Gary McFarlane) who refused to treat a gay couple based on his strong Christian beliefs. He was fired and has just lost his appeal. The judge or justice or whatever felt that ruling on the side of religion would be divisive.

Now, I am very pro-choice, in pretty much everything. My general rule of thumb regarding law and morals and ethics is that people can do what they want as long as they don’t hurt anyone. I love gay people. I have loads of gay friends. I have gay tendencies myself. I’m big on gay rights. While I was in America there was a big vote in Maine regarding the right of gay couples to marry. If I’d been able to vote out there, I would have done.

However... while I feel that the company who fired Mr McFarlane should have provided the gay couple involved with an alternative counsellor, I don’t believe they should have fired the dude. Essential they fired him based on his religious beliefs. And that isn’t fair. If a company had fired a Muslim woman for wearing her burka, or an orthodox Jew for refusing to work on their Sabbath, there would have been uproar. It’s discrimination. It’s as bad as racism towards white people that goes unpunished because “you can’t be racist towards Caucasians.” I hate people that assume you can only be racist to a minority.

Sorry, rant over.