New Thing # 24

Date:- August 16th 2009
New Thing:- write a letter to my younger self.

New Thing # 9 was to write a letter to my future self, and today I wrote a letter to my past self. To begin with I had to consider a time travel rule. You know how you're not meant to tell anyone from the past anything that's going to happen in the future? Well, I wasn't sure if that applied when writing a letter to one's younger self. What happens if it gets accidentally transported through time? I could change history! But I digress, and stress too much.

I actually got quite mushy writing it. I wish I'd actually received this letter when I was seventeen.

Dear Colette,

This is quite difficult to do without having a specific time in mind, so here it is. I'm sat on my bed, aged 26 years and 10 months, writing to my 17 year old self.

At seventeen you're alone in the YWCA. Mum kicked you out, you've dropped out of college, your relationship with Dad and Jennie is in the gutter, and your depression is just kicking in. I bet you feel downright shit. I know you do, I was there. I wish I could tell you tht you've seen the worst of it, and that things will only get better now. I really wish I could. It does get better, but not just yet. First things are going to get a lot worse. You have a tough decade ahead of you, but I can promise you'll come through reasonably intact. Just keep believing in yourself. There will be good times, good moments and good days, and good people. Cling on to them, and the memories of them. USe them as a shield against the shit that's coming your way.

It won't be easy, and a lot of the time your going to wonder if you can survive it, or if it's even worth it. You can! And it is! The things you're going to go through aren't nice, and the memory of them still haunts me, but if you don't go through them you won't end up where I am. In a secure and comfortable place surrounded by family and friends and a wonderful boyfriend who love me for who I am (yes, I said 'boyfriend', you WON'T be alone forever) and who'll support me through the rest of the shit that I'm sure is coming my way.

Be strong, Colette. In a few days I'm going to fulfil one of our longest, most passionate dreams, and that wouldn't have happened without everything you have done and seen and experienced, and everything yet to come.

Mushy, isn't it? But kinda hard to write. Makes me wonder, what if I could send a letter back in time to my younger self? And what if those laws of time travel didn't apply? Would I tell myself to avoid certain things, certain places? Would I warn myself about big mistakes? Where would I end up if I did? Gives a person something to think about, as if I didn't have enough randomness marching around in my head as it is.