Penpals

A few days ago I found myself wishing that people still wrote each other letters. I miss opening a piece of post that isn't a bill, or an advert. The first summer of mine and GKL's friendship we regularly exchanged perfumed letters while she was at home in Nottingham. I get the occasional letter from my gran, and some from my friend MC when he gets sent to prison for his various misdemeanours. Aside from that I don't get letters, I get emails. I get MSN messages. I get Facebook wall posts. I get blog comments. I'm a writer. No matter how much I find it easier to write on a laptop because I can type faster than I can write, I still adore the feel of paper beneath my hand, and that little scratch as your pen moves over the page. I still love getting letters, and I haven't gotten any in a long time.

So, when I picked up my mail yesterday and found a nice brown envelope that obviously wasn't a bill or an advert, I was pleasantly surprised. The Shrewsbury postmark lead me to suspect that MC had managed to get himself arrested again, as the only place in Shrewsbury that ever writes to me is someone from the prison. And sure enough, on the reverse of the envelope was a prisoner ID number. BUT, it wasn't MC's. The two pages within the envelope contained the following letters:

Wall Hello. Colette how are you. wall I Bet you are thinking who the fuck are you. Wall I have had your name and adress of Mathew, and he said you are a good in. wall I falt I wood Drop you a line and to see if you will Drop me a line Back. I hope you Do Because I WooD like to get to no you. wall I will tall you aBit about me Iam 6ft2 and Sticky BuilD 30 years old I Live in Chell Heath and Lived there all my life you mite no my cousin Jase GReen wall I will Right more if you Right Back please Do see you Later Reseped Dougy


NOW DEN COlETTE ITS JAY PENN ERE C IF YA CAN GET ONE OV YA GALS WRITE Mi A SCRiPT IT WUD B APPRECiATED OR BUST ONE BK YASELF IM 5"10" WIV BROWN EYES MEDiUM BUiLD FROM MANCHESTER BUT LIVE IN BENTiLEE IM GONNA JIB NOW SXI OK C YA 3 2 1 PENNFELLA IS GONE

All of a sudden I'm not so pleased to be getting letters. After the twenty minutes it took me to decipher the handwriting and the absolutely appalling use of the English language, I started to laugh. Once I'd finished the finding-it-funny laughing and the absolutely-hysterical laughing, I got mad at MC for handing my address out to felons. I won't be replying. I won't getting one ov ma gals to write him a script either.