As 2008 comes to an end...

...we tend to reflect on how it went. I can't say it was entirely bad. It's certainly had its highlights. Like the creation and booming success of the Stitch and Bitch society that GKL and I set up. Like watching my Brownies grow - in height and personalities. Like seeing Wicked in London with GKL. Among other things. But it's had low points too.

Another year ends with me alone. This time last year I was curled up with N and I thought I'd done with being alone. I was wrong. (As for my current status with N - there is no status. It's over. My friends were right. I've said goodbye. That's all I'm gonna say about it.) I'm alone again. And likely to be alone forever. I need to accept the fact that I'm going to be a ninety year old loner with ten cats. I'll be Auntie Colette, or Auntie Cleo, to GKL's kids, and to my sisters' kids. And I'll be childless, and loveless, and alone. And, chances are I'll not have had sex in 60 odd years either. I've realised no one is ever gonna want me for anything more than sex, but I just can't retract my no no-strings rule. So, no relationship, no sex. No nothing.

Still, despite some serious doubts the other night, I do have things to live for. I'm going to America in August! I'll be out there for sixteen weeks. I still have my Brownies, and my friends, and my mum and my sisters. And I have resolutions to focus on for the new year.

1) Do one new thing every week. Something I've never done before. GKL and I are doing this together, with our little mascots: Wolfgang and Hilde. GKL and I have scrapbooks ready to fill up, and the mascots have photo albums and lots of little outfits. We're very sad, but it keeps us occupied. According to my diary though, week one started yesterday, so I'd better work out something to start with.

2) Stop missing lectures. I've always had ridiculous attendance at school. I started the autumn semester with the best of intentions and then I had trouble with my ankle, and with moving and everything. It all went a bit downhill. However, if I don't pick up my attendance, and my grades, and my focus, I won't get to go to America. So, 2009 is the year I start buckling down.

3) Go back to WeightWatchers. I've been battling with this one. I'm happy with my size. I'm not happy with how I get treated because of it, or with not being able to buy clothes from anywhere but Evans and eBay. Plus, although my dentist said I'd get my teeth extracted while I'm unconscious, the hospital dentist won't do it because of my size. So I have to be awake. Joy. (I'm not going!) If I could find clothes in my size, I would quite happily stay the way I am. But, I have some skirts that I can't fit into yet, and I guess my health would be better if I lost weight. So, I'm going back to WeightWatchers. GKL and I both are. We're waiting 'til the January rush is over though. So, back on points on New Year's Day, and back to meetings in February.

I think that's it, for now. I wonder how many I'll be able to keep.