Pushing the Limits - part 2

I'd just like to clarify that N, despite my earlier post, is not an evil neglectful boyfriend. When I wrote that blog I wasn't feeling well (I was at the start of another illness episode that I'm aware I haven't written about yet, and I will, but let me finish this first) and he wasn't magically reading my mind to discover I wanted a cuddle.

Yes, The Limit is real, but it's not as drastic as I made it out to be. He withdraws a little, but not huge huge amounts. It hurts a little, but I came to terms with the type of guy he is ages ago.

For instance, on our first date N brought me a necklace at a German Christmas market in Manchester. This was November 24th 2007, and because I play with it a lot, the little metal pendant is getting worn and tarnished. So on Friday I asked him if he'd buy me a new one. He said no. This was not astonishing. But he did say I could buy myself one and give him back less of the money I owe him. So he buys me presents, in his own little way. Because he is lovely.

He's lazy, and antisocial at times, but he is lovely. He may not have been as attentive today as he was on Friday night, but he still gave me soft, slow, spinetingling kisses, and he still worried about me when I got ill on the way home. He is still my N.

Right, onto illness. For the past few months I've been going through phases of severe headaches (I've always had headaches cos I don't wear my glasses properly, but these have been worse), nausea, occasional vomiting, dizzy spells, and just generally feeling crap. It hasn't been consistent in any way. Just frustrating. No three straight days of illness then I'm fine. A few hours then nothing for three days. A day, then nothing. An afternoon, then nothing. It comes and goes.

Not only do I have to deal with my depressive episodes, I now have illness episodes. GKL and N both think I should see my doctor. They're probably right, but I avoid my doctor, because he's an idiot and tells me everything that's wrong with me is to do the fact that I'm fat. That's the reason I haven't been to see him about my knees either.

God, I'm old and falling apart.