To post or not to post

I've been having a dilemma all afternoon, about whether to write this particular blog because I know full well the person involved is going to read it.

After a little discovery I've just made, I've now decided I am going to post it and I don't care if she knows I'm pissed with her.

Last night I had an episode. It was probably self-triggered, but it was an episode nonetheless. I was going stircrazy and wanted to do stupid stupid things which included texting N. I decided that was a stupid idea and texted GKL to see if we could go out, just to Tesco, to anywhere, that I needed to get out of the house.

No reply. Not unusual. She occasionally has no credit and at the moment my phone is kinda playing up with the delivery. So I waited 'til she'd be home from work and called her. By this stage the episode was full blown and I was holding back floods of tears. She'd just put her dinner on to cook, and asked if it could wait til tomorrow. Despite desperately thinking "no no no" I said yes, and she said she'd come round after work and be here at about twelve.

My own fault maybe. I shoulda told her how bad I was, and asked if she could come over after dinner. Maybe I thought she'd notice that I was crying. If she did, she ignored it.

So, I get busy, and postpone my episode. After breaking into money bank, binge eating and texting N. I did some revising, did some knitting, discovered two new blogs I'm now addicted to. Time flies and when I look at the clock it's half five in the morning. Crap. I set my alarm for half eleven and go to sleep.

Half eleven wakes me up - utterly exhausted. I get up, I get dressed and I wait. And wait. And wait. GKL has a tendency to be late, and traffic might have been bad so I left it 'til half twelve to text and ask if she was still coming round. Aside from anything else, she needed a new phone charger and I found her one on Freecycle we had to go collect. I got told that she was still coming and that she'd let me know what time since she had loads of errands to run. Not a problem. I can handle that. All is dandy. I return to my new blog obsessions.

By quarter to two I'm falling asleep so I text her again. Tell her I was up til all hours and was falling asleep, told her to call me when she was coming over, or use her keys to come in. Then I fell asleep. I woke up around five-ish. No GKL. No text from GKL. Ok, now I'm mildly cheesed off.

I texted her again. No reply. These messages are going through, delivery report says so. I was upset, and slightly hurt, but also a little worried. I go on MSN and ask our mutual friend if she's heard from GKL today. Apparently they had lunch together.

Now I was definitely pissed off. A) she could have told me she was meeting someone for lunch. B) she had plans with me first. C) this girl she had lunch with is a girl she's sort of dating, which means she chose dates over mates.

None of it would have pissed me off so much if I hadn't been episoding and needing company. Although, I still woulda been cheesed off. I don't like being stood up at all, let alone with no reasoning. And definitely not my best friend.

I've been trying to decide what to do about it. I didn't wanna let it just drop, because it's upset me and made me angry and if I don't do something about it I'll just simmer and resent. I don't wanna have a go at GKL, cos she's my best friend. But, she's my best friend and I don't wanna pretend I'm hunky dory.

I may have sent a slightly illadvised text when I found out she had lunch with our friend. It wasn't a bitchy message. "You met CB for lunch? You coulda told me. We had plans and you changed em for dates over mates. Thanks." At least she knows I'm upset.

And if she hadn't gathered by the text, she should do once she reads this.