Sorry for the absence

Hi guys. I haven't blogged for a while, I know, and I'm sorry. I have no excuse. I haven't been without internet, and I haven't been too busy. I've been... meh. My depression has been manifesting itself the way Neil's does. Instead of crying and getting miserable and suicidal and emotional every five minutes, I just haven't cared. About anything. For a few weeks now I'll wake up, stare at the laptop and watch my shows, eat, and go back to sleep. I haven't had the drive or the energy or the oomph to do anything at all. There have been days at a time where I haven't done any crafting at all. Not a single stitch, which is pretty drastic for me.

I'm okay though. I think I prefer this manifestation of my depression than the suicidal desperate crying. Although I do get a lot more done when I'm suicidal. My Mammoth Secret Project has also been ignored, which is very bad, because the deadline is rapidly approaching. And I don't think I'm going to finish it on time. I have plenty of time if I'd just do it, but I find myself not wanting to do it. I don't want to force myself either, because I feel like I'd be crocheting a whole load of bitterness and negative energy into it, and I really don't want to do that. Also, I'm rapidly running out of yarn. I simply don't have enough left to finish. I sent out a plea on Ravelry, and there are some lovely people sending packages of yarn to me, but I don't know if they'll arrive on time. It's very sad. It will get finished, and it will be given to its recipient, it just might not be given on the intended date.

In other news, Friday is my birthday. My plans for the day involved baking a lot, and then in the evening Neil would be coming down :-D Then on the Saturday we'd be going to Taybarns for lunch with some friends, and spend the afternoon/evening in my flat eating baked goodies and playing games. Unfortunately Neil isn't able to make it. I'm bitterly disappointed, but I can't be upset or angry with him, because he has a good excuse. He's going to a big dedication thing in Scotland for some dead soldiers, including his brother Paul. I just.. I miss Neil very much. I haven't seen him since the end of July, and I'm not entirely sure when I'm going to see him again. I don't like it. I'm a little nervous about my birthday actually. I don't have the best record for birthdays. I can't remember the last year I didn't get upset and lonely and disappointed and end up crying. And this year I won't actually be seeing any of my family or friends on my birthday. I'm a little scared, but I'll manage. I'm going to baking all kinds of delicious goodies for the Saturday:

- chocolate chip cookies
- chocolate chip cheesecake (which I plan on dying purple)
- caramel apple muffins
- maple nut cookies
- mint chocolate chip cookies
- marshmallow crunch brownies

There will also be a variety of crispies, and ice cream cornettos, and Jen is making a birthday cake. So stomachs will be full, even if hearts are a little empty.

I've missed a couple of Food Fridays and Wordsmith Wednesdays and Stitching Sundays, so I'm going to do one of each right now, on Tuesday. Oh well.