- I have two cats, who can't be in the same room together. I either have to lock Pixel in the living room, and listen to her meow, or I let her out and she chases Smudge into a corner. Smudge stays in the corner, and Pixel tries to kill her when she moves. Smudge is de-litter training herself, and doesn't eat properly. Pixel refuses to eat because I've had to switch to canned food. Oh, but she'll chase Smudge away and eat her food.
- My boyfriend - depressed and grieving - has had his phone switched off for two days and is worrying the hell out of me.
- My house - thanks to a collapsing bed, and my increasing depressing - is a state, and is slowly getting worse. It's even starting to smell, and I need to sort it out. I want to, but I have motivation and 'oomph' issues.
- My head is constantly throbbing in pain, and I'm taking obscene amounts of painkillers daily.
- I'm sleeping on a mattress on the floor, again, because of my sodding collapsing bed.
- I'm in major financial shit. So much so that my mother is calling the people I owe money to, and my sister is taking control of my internet banking. In a couple of weeks, I won't have to deal with my bills or anything. I'll have an allowance. A pathetic allowance that will allow for no fun, no visits to boyfriends, no yarn, no nothing.
However, it isn't all bad news. I think negative thoughts about myself a lot, and I'm trying to train myself to think of two positives for every negative. So here I go...
- My cats are both adorable. They're both friendly and affectionate and cuddly and happy (alone, anyway).
- I'm a talented crafter, capable of creating anything from a mini alien, to a beautiful lace shawl.
- I have my own home, with my own roof over my head, and that makes me better off than hundreds of millions of people around the world.
- I have a mother and a sister who care enough about me to help me sort out my problems and look after me financially.
- I'm intelligent, and smart, and logical. Even if I don't have much common sense, I'm still an intelligent, smart, logical woman.
- It may be taking a while, and I may not be doing it the right way (technically) but I am losing weight. I've lost 18 lbs since I went back to Weightwatchers in April.
Okay, now I'm starting to have difficulties. It's always hard to think positive about myself and my life. Years ago, my best friend at the time used to get me to list one good thing about myself for each letter of the alphabet. It was insanely difficult. It's an exercise I still try occasionally and it's still insanely difficult.
I couldn't come up with two positives for each negative I started with, but writing the positives afterwards has helped to ease the sting of the negatives. I am having problems, but I'm surviving them. I'm still here.
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