Project 200 - 27/173

Here's yet another cat. And I believe there are more in the folder too. I don't think I can deny the fact that I really am a crazy cat lady. I'm not just heading there, I'm already there.



27 down
173 to go

Project 200 - 26/174

Here, have a picture of a nice innocent looking ball.



That is NOT an innocent ball. That is an EVIL BALL OF EVILNESS!!!

I'd like to end it here; leave everyone confused, but I'm not going to. This ball was made on DPNs (double pointed needles). Normally you knit with 2 needles that each only have one working end. With DPNs you're working with up to 5 needles, each with two working ends. DPNs are also evil. I have never been able to get the hand of DPNs; I tend to lose stitches very easily. So this project was a little intimidating.

Add to that the following complications...

- learning a new cast on
- learning a new bind off
- a fiddly pattern anyway
- a pattern that wasn't written with enough instruction and took two people to translate

It was not fun. But I'm pleased with the end result, and I have new skills.

26 down
174 to go

Project 200 - 25/175

I'm an 8th of the way through :-)



25 down
175 to go

How I'm Feeling Right Now

Shit. Crap. Rubbish. Lonely. Stupid. Miserable. Pathetic.

There. That's how I'm feeling right now. I was feeling much better than that earlier. Chatting on MSN with a handsome Scotsman. And by "chatting" I mean "flirting". Made me feel lovely. But then he decided to do a disappearing act, and now I feel foolish and pathetic.

Smudge is still hissing at Lexie. Lexie is the new kitten, by the way. They haven't fought, and Lexie doesn't run and hide. She'll stand her ground, hair on end, not looking happy while Smudge hisses and growls and hisses and growls. And I know that it'll wear off, even though it might take a few weeks, but I'm tired and upset and the hissing is really grating on my nerves.

I'm lonely. I don't have a lot of family I'm close to, but even the ones I could hang out with are hundreds of miles away. One of my three friends has been far too busy for me in months, and hasn't been bothered to check on me since I broke up with Neil. I think the second friend is asleep. And the third friend is Neil - who I think has decided we shouldn't be talking, since he hasn't replied in a day or two. Plus, I can't really talk to him about how I feel.

That's it. All my sources of comfort and support and distraction. I like my own company; I like having control over everything in my home and things. And in a social situation I'd much rather be with a few close friends somewhere quiet than with hundreds of people in a nightclub or a festival. But right now, when I feel lost and pathetic, I just feel alone and horrible. How pathetic am I that the only cuddles and comfort I can get is from cats?

Nameless kitten

So, despite my deep desire to own a dog, I got another cat. I would really, REALLY love to have a dog, but right now I can't really afford one, and I'm not really fit enough to walk one. Plus, I was offered this beautiful little ball of fluff..



He is a 7 and a half week old little ball of fluff. Except that he has a vagina, so he's not actually a he. He's also currently nameless. I had some ideas, but none of them really fit him. And he hasn't provided me with one of his own yet, like Smudge did. I'm sure it'll come to me.

Please forgive the bad pictures: I haven't had him during a daytime yet, and the lighting in my apartment is atrocious.





She's only been here a few hours so far, and has been isolated to the bedroom. She came in, looked around, ate a lot, then fell asleep. Slap bang in the middle of the bed, leaving me with just the edges. But she woke up about half an hour ago and has been running around squeaking at everything, including me any time I move. She doesn't appear to have developed a meow yet, just a squeak.

Smudge has been given reign of the living room. I went in to see her earlier, and make sure she knows I still love her. She had a sniff around the house, but didn't go anywhere near the bedroom. I don't think the dozy beast has even cottoned on that there's another animal in the house. She'll figure it out eventually.

Pure and Fresh

Someone called me "pure and fresh" today. Not exactly how I'd describe myself. I'm not entirely sure how I'd describe myself. Right now I'm probably more likely to use words like "alone" and "miserable" and "a mess". I'm not doing so well. The crying fits have stopped. Aside from a binge-day last week, and a minor cutting session, I'm not taking it out on myself physically. Just a lot of feeling very very miserable.

It appears that I've developed a "thing". When a big relationship ends I cut my own hair. When Michael dumped me, waayyy back in 2002, I got frustrated with my hair during an episode and tried to cut it. Didn't work, and I ended up shaving my head. This time I didn't end up bald. And to be honest, cutting the hair wasn't so much to do with Neil, as convenience. I'm still having issues with NPower, and have no gas or hot water. I can have stand up washes in front of my little electric heater, but it's been impossible to wash my hair. I've been going weeks and weeks at a time without doing anything to it, and it was nearly always matted and knotted and horrible. I got annoyed with it. Brushed it out, chopped it to my ears, and washed it in the kitchen sink. Feels sooo much better. It's now too short to tie back and ignore, and short enough for me to wash with a kettleful of water. It's just coincidental timing that it happened at the end of a relationship.

Aside from that, I'm slowly getting my routine back together. I feel like the entire inside of my body is a big pit of despair and misery, but I'm getting out of bed, and I'm crafting, and I'm washing up, and so on. My leaving-the-house has been reduced back to never. And my sleeping pattern is completely out of whack. But I'm okay. I'll be okay. Eventually. Maybe.

Project 200 - 24/176

Another little cross-stitch thing:



24 down
176 to go

Double Knitting

These pieces aren't part of Project 200, but they're a new knitting technique I've learnt. It's called Double Knitting, and you end up with the reverse looking the same as the front but in mirrored colours. Very cool.

Project 200 - 23/177

Here's another one. Had a bit of a gap because I've been working on some bigger pieces.

Lonely

On Saturday I broke up with Neil. I loe him with my whole heart, and would do anything to spend more time with him. He isn't bothered by the fact that he hasn't seen me since the end of July. It's been lopsided for years, and I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I hate that I did it, and I wish I could take it back. But it was the right thing to do. It hasn't been right since the first time we split up... way back in 2008. I just... I'm deluded.

But I miss him like crazy. I want to text him and take it back :( I'm generally fine during the day. Yesterday I got up and did the usual things I do. I did some housework and some crafting and some paperwork and things. Went to bed at a usual time, and cried for four straight hours. Was not pretty.

And I'm lonely. I'm pretty sure one of my friends isn't talking to me too. I don't know what I've done, but they aren't really responding to my messages, vanished off MSN when I logged on earlier, and hasn't mentioned my breaking up with Neil.

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry right now.

Hard decisions

Ever had to make a decision, that you really wish you hadn't? I know it was the right thing to do. Things have been off for months. More like years. It was the right thing to do. It was the right thing to do. It was the right thing to do. It needed doing.

So why do I want to take it back?

I need to stop focussing on the good stuff. The good stuff stopped after a couple of months. I need to remind myself of all the bad stuff. Of the reasons why i made that decision. There were reasons. Lots of them. I stressed about it for months. And it needed doing, damn it!

I just wish it didn't hurt so much :(

FAO Kokokat

Ages and ages ago I participated in a swap on Ravelry and received, amongst other wonderful bits and pieces, a gorgeous hat. The person who sent it to me asked me for a picture, because she'd forgotten to take one for her records. I've finally gotten around to it.



As modelled by my monkey Maxx.

Photo Missions - N, Purple, P

I've done another lot of three again. Here's N...


Nail polish

Nails

Nine marbles

NNN

Nickel

Notebooks

Necklace

Nutella

Nose

Needles

And here's some purple ones...












And finally, P...


Puzzle

Pennies

Passport

Pills

Pens

Paw

Paper

Paperclips

Pins

Pegs