Lonely

On Saturday I broke up with Neil. I loe him with my whole heart, and would do anything to spend more time with him. He isn't bothered by the fact that he hasn't seen me since the end of July. It's been lopsided for years, and I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I hate that I did it, and I wish I could take it back. But it was the right thing to do. It hasn't been right since the first time we split up... way back in 2008. I just... I'm deluded.

But I miss him like crazy. I want to text him and take it back :( I'm generally fine during the day. Yesterday I got up and did the usual things I do. I did some housework and some crafting and some paperwork and things. Went to bed at a usual time, and cried for four straight hours. Was not pretty.

And I'm lonely. I'm pretty sure one of my friends isn't talking to me too. I don't know what I've done, but they aren't really responding to my messages, vanished off MSN when I logged on earlier, and hasn't mentioned my breaking up with Neil.

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry right now.