General update

Hey there internet. How are you? Good? I hope everyone is well. It sucks to feel horrible. Things are definitely getting better for me. My relationship with Neil is back on track, my relationships with my sisters are getting better too.

I'm feeling healthier and more hopeful and optimistic and just generally less depressed. I'm still having trouble getting into a routine though. I drew up a daily timetable for myself a few weeks ago. A regular time to wake up, chores and things throughout the day, a scheduled bedtime. Something to give me a routine (which I don't thing I've ever really been able to impose on myself) and to remind me to do the important things that I forget to do - like take my pills, and take the trash out, and feed the pets.

The problem is that the timetable means getting up at 9am, and I seem to be incapable of doing that. I got out of my nocturnal living when I went to Neil's. I was up in the morning, and asleep at a decent time. I planned to continue it when I went home. I even went to bed at midnight, a la my timetable. I woke up at 9am, got up, went to the bathroom, fell asleep on the loo, fell off and smacked my head on the sink. Fun.

So I got to thinking. Although 8 hours a night is average and accepted and recommended and all that, my body is more used to 13-15 hours sleep a night. Maybe instantly cutting my sleeping time in half was upsetting my body? Maybe I should decrease the sleep gradually? So I went back to bed, setting the alarm for 11. I'd get up at 11 for a week or so, then 10 for a week or so. Ending up at 9am, a la the timetable.

I woke up at 3pm. Now it's all a mess again. Didn't get to sleep until nearly 8 this morning, slept til gone 6. Big mess!

So, new plan. I NEED a routine. And if I can't get my body to start the timetable, then I'll change the timetable. I'm gonna create a new one for getting up at 1pm and do that for a few weeks, then one for getting up at 12. Get up earlier until I'm settled.

Come September I need to be getting up at 7am in the morning every day, or earlier. I don't think I've mentioned why yet, but I will. When it's definite. Not sure yet. But at the moment the idea of getting up before 7 every day seems impossible. I need to work on it!

In other news, I started back at Weightwatchers last night. While I was at Neil's we were talking about the future, and about our honeymoon in Disneyland (if he ever gets around to proposing!) and about how I'll be able to go on the rides there because it's America and they have fat seats. Somehow the conversation got around to our kids, and what I'd say to them when they wanted me to go on rides with them and I was too big. So, inspired to start back at Weightwatchers. Again.

I was terrified about the weigh-in. When I tried Slimming World earlier in the year I was very, VERY close to 30 stone. I was scared I'd passed that barrier. I don't care about my weight. I don't look like I weigh as much as I do. My only reason for losing weight is my future kids. With my ovary issues the chances of even getting pregnant without significant weight loss are ridiculously slim. It'd be nice to be able to buy clothes from more than one shop too. But for some reason, crossing that 30 stone barrier terrified me!

The good news is that I didn't. I was two lbs less than I was when I was last weighed at Slimming World. So in the past two or three months I managed to lose two lbs, which is good. Wish me luck on losing more :-)