The Problem with Blogging

I have Depression. This is not news to anybody. Probably also not-news is that I have anxiety issues, self-esteem issues, leaving-the-house issues.... I try very hard to avoid the real world as much as I can. The real world is scary. I can very rarely leave the house without getting some kind of insult from the general public. So I avoid going out. I live my life on my beloved internet. It seems safe to me.

I'm not silly. I am aware that the internet is not particularly safe, and that there are a large percentage of dicks out there. But I avoid those areas. I don't read the comments on videos or memes, I don't go to chat rooms really, and I only use one forum-site (that has strict politeness rules). I manage to keep away from the nasty, and so the internet has become somewhere safe. Somewhere I can find a friend to talk to who will make me feel better, or even good about myself.

And then this week I received a comment on my blog. Someone felt the need to write a nice long comment ripping into me, posted on a blog I'd written about how I generally felt like crap but was trying hard to overcome it.

I've been episoding for several weeks now, and the littlest things can affect me quite badly. Since I received that email alert, I've been afraid to come onto my blog. I was pushed back into a fugue that I was beginning to drag myself out of.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this blog, really. I just feel the need to write. And that's the purpose for my blog. Somewhere for me to rant and ramble and post my acheivements and my failures. I've always loved that blogs provide the possibility that absolutely anyone could read it, but at the moment I'm a little cautious.

I could, of course, disable commenting on my blog. But I won't. I get quite a few very nice, supportive, friendly comments that keep me going. I have deleted the offending comment, and I'm trying very hard to move on. There are valid arguments against everything the commenter said, and even if there weren't I have no reason to value the opinion of someone who makes me feel bad.

To whomever Chronic Misanthropy is... my short, crude response is "fuck off". If you don't like my blog, don't like reading about my life, then DON'T SMEGGING READ IT!

Something that upsets me most, if the possibility that this may be someone I know in real life. If you are someone I know, who feels the need to post anonymous comments on my blog rather than confront me with the way you feel, then please please come forward. Let me know who you are, so I can return the favour and tell you exactly what I think of you.