Meds kicking in

I've been without internet for a few days because I reached the limit on my dongle. That's reset itself now, and my Virgin landline is active so I should be getting broadband soon. With any luck all my internet woes will be over. My other woes, however... well they're still in effect.

It's been a very weird few weeks. Being off my meds is never fun; having an episode is never fun; Neil having an episode is never fun; having severe ankle pain is never fun. All kinds of things are not fun. And when they all happen at the same time it's horrible. The fact that I haven't been able to see Neil in a while, and being off my meds, has dragged what is usually a two day episode in a several week one. I'm not used to drawn out episodes. I really don't like them. But I've been back on my meds for a week now, so they should kick in any time soon. And to be honest, now that this weekend is over with, I'll be able to deal with the whole Neil thing better. Though not as well as I will once I see him again.

This weekend was my first anniversary with Neil. We've been dating for two years, two months and three weeks. But it was off and on. We've been dating without a break for a year, now. And it was a big deal for me because I've never actually had a first year anniversary with anyone, which is pretty pathetic, but true. And I promised Neil that he never had to even acknowledge another anniversary, as long as we recognised this one. And then along came his episode. He's been saying for weeks now that he'd be down soon, and then giving dates, and then not showing. Was he here this weekend? No he was sodding not.

I'm not angry at him. I know it isn't his fault that his episodes manifest like this. I'm angry at the situation. I miss him like crazy. I haven't seen him since my episode started, and that just makes me feel ten times worse. When I episode I get paranoid and insecure and I'm terrified that I'm never going to see him again. It's a completely irrational fear, but it's there nonetheless. I can sort it by the end of the month. Next weekend I'm in Basingstoke, but after that, if he doesn't come here I'm going there, and there's nothing he can do to stop me. He can't get away from me that easily. *Insert crazy evil laugh here*

Aside from the combined episode, and missing Neil, things haven't been too bad. Last week at Slimming World I lost three lbs, although I have no idea how. Not sure I'm going to repeat it this week. I'm not eating properly, or healthily. It's kinda hard to do when you're in the midst of a depressive episode, and it's even harder to do when you have no fridge or freezer in which to store fresh or frozen food. And it's hard to exercise when your ankle is playing up.

Which is the other big issue in my life at the moment. My sodding ankle. It's been aching a LOT more than normal. I don't think it's stopped since before I went to America to be honest. And the other day I stepped too heavily on the stairs and had excruciating pain for a day or two. Last night I woke up crying because it hurt so much. I need to see a doctor about it really. I've spoken to GPs about it before, but they all tell me I need to lose weight. I'm working on it. See paragraph above. I was tempted to go to A&E today, see if they'd do anything, but I chickened out in the end. I feel silly for going when it's not an emergency. Stupid sodding foot. I want to chop the damn thing off, but Neil and Cayden quite rightly point out that I'd probably get phantom limb pain.

I don't really have much more to write about, although I think I could randomly ramble on for ages. I just wanted to let all my millions of loyal readers know that I'm still alive and although I've had a rough month, I'm getting better.