So it's 4.35 in the morning, and here I am wide awake. Generally, I'm not too fussed about this because I can sleep during the day at home. But I'm at my Mum's and sleeping during the day isn't really an option thanks to my darling little sister. I've been awake all day today and I should be fast asleep right now. But despite being utterly exhausted all day, I'm not tired in the slightest.
I just don't do daytime. The daylight saps the energy out of me, even when I don't leave the house. I'm much more active at night time. Which is all good and well if I could sleep during the day. I can't sleep tomorrow because I'm meant to be taking Michael to lunch and then shopping and then taking Michaela to the cinema. Not sure I can handle all that on no sleep. I'll probably end up falling asleep in the movie.
Why can't the world be nocturnal? What's so great about the flipping sun anyway?
Falling apart
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
comments (1)
I've always had some kind of health issue, for as long as I can remember, and at the moment they seem to be piling up. My ankle is gradually getting worse. Have I told you all the wonderfully horrible story about my ankle?
Before 2000 I'd sprained my right ankle about twice. In 2000, while on a trip to London, I went over on my ankle again and sprained it. Or so I thought. A close friend who was a nurse told me that it was definitely more than sprained and I needed to go to the hospital. Off I toddled, and they x-rayed and poked and told me that I'd torn the ligaments away from the bone and I had to stay off it for three weeks. After the first week the swelling had gone down, the bruising had faded and it stopped hurting - so I went back to college. And royally screwed myself up for life.
Since then I've sprained/twisted it about 25 times. It goes very very easily. In October 2008 I went over on a loose floorboard at my old home and ended up back in the hospital. This time I chipped the bone and they put my leg in a temporary plaster cast overnight and told me to come back in the morning when the swelling had gone to see if I needed a proper cast. Luckily I didn't need the cast, but I had a plastic/airbubble strap thing for it for a long time - it was useless and uncomfortable.
Before I went to America, my ankle ached in severe heat or cold, and when I'd walked on it for more than a mile, or when I slightly twisted it. Almost as soon as I got to America it started aching all the time. Constantly. I kinda ignored it because it counted as a pre-existing condition and wasn't covered by my insurance - I just kept taking the Ibuprofen I'd been taking for it for years. Simple. I told myself that it because Maine was in at a higher (lower?) altitude (rubbish probably) and that it'd settle down when I got home.
It didn't. I've been in almost constant aching pain. I managed to convince my GP to prescribe my Ibuprofen because it was getting expensive, but other than that doctors have only ever told me that I need to lose weight because my excessive weight is putting too much strain on the ankle. Duh! I know this. But that doesn't help in the short term.
Then last Thursday whilst walking down the steps at the library I think I stepped too heavily. I had a sharp pain in it rather than the usual dull ache. The sharp pain lasted a day or two. For the Friday I couldn't turn my foot inwards without excruciating pain. It hurts ten times more when I stand on it now than it did before. I planned to go to A&E on Sunday to get it checked out, but I wimped out because it wasn't an emergency.
And then there's my back. I don't know if other people have this, but you know when you lie flat on your back for a long time and then move, your lower back starts to hurt? Well I get that a lot. I'm guessing it's more strain because of my weight. Yesterday I woke up with this same pain, and it didn't go away. At all. All day. I sat at my desk for a while, but it hurt too much. The only time my back didn't hurt was when I was stood up, but then my ankle hurt too much. I ended up lying on my side in a banana on my bed for most of the day, which was a little boring. I tried to have a hot bath, but had difficulty bending over to turn the taps on, let alone climb into the tub. Early this morning I woke up and my back was feeling better, though there was still a twinge, so I took the opportunity to have a bath. It felt a lot better in the water, so did my ankle. If the bath wasn't too short for me, I'd stay in there forever.
But now I'm out of the bath and sitting up again, the pain is back. I want to lie down but if I do I'll be stuck again. Yesterday when I was laying down I needed to get up and it took me twenty minutes.
All this is not good. I have an appointment with my GP at 11.30 this morning. I'm a little apprehensive about it. I have a horrible feeling that when I stepped too heavily on the stairs I split the chip in my bone and they're going to put me a cast. I have no idea at all what the Dr is going to say about my back. I know for a fact though that I'll have to put up with the you-need-to-lose-weight lecture. I KNOW THAT! I'm working on losing the weight, but in the meantime, I can't move.
Speaking of which, I only have an hour and a half until my appointment. It's gonna take me almost twice that long to get off the bed, get dressed and hobble across the road to the doctors. Wish me luck.
Before 2000 I'd sprained my right ankle about twice. In 2000, while on a trip to London, I went over on my ankle again and sprained it. Or so I thought. A close friend who was a nurse told me that it was definitely more than sprained and I needed to go to the hospital. Off I toddled, and they x-rayed and poked and told me that I'd torn the ligaments away from the bone and I had to stay off it for three weeks. After the first week the swelling had gone down, the bruising had faded and it stopped hurting - so I went back to college. And royally screwed myself up for life.
Since then I've sprained/twisted it about 25 times. It goes very very easily. In October 2008 I went over on a loose floorboard at my old home and ended up back in the hospital. This time I chipped the bone and they put my leg in a temporary plaster cast overnight and told me to come back in the morning when the swelling had gone to see if I needed a proper cast. Luckily I didn't need the cast, but I had a plastic/airbubble strap thing for it for a long time - it was useless and uncomfortable.
Before I went to America, my ankle ached in severe heat or cold, and when I'd walked on it for more than a mile, or when I slightly twisted it. Almost as soon as I got to America it started aching all the time. Constantly. I kinda ignored it because it counted as a pre-existing condition and wasn't covered by my insurance - I just kept taking the Ibuprofen I'd been taking for it for years. Simple. I told myself that it because Maine was in at a higher (lower?) altitude (rubbish probably) and that it'd settle down when I got home.
It didn't. I've been in almost constant aching pain. I managed to convince my GP to prescribe my Ibuprofen because it was getting expensive, but other than that doctors have only ever told me that I need to lose weight because my excessive weight is putting too much strain on the ankle. Duh! I know this. But that doesn't help in the short term.
Then last Thursday whilst walking down the steps at the library I think I stepped too heavily. I had a sharp pain in it rather than the usual dull ache. The sharp pain lasted a day or two. For the Friday I couldn't turn my foot inwards without excruciating pain. It hurts ten times more when I stand on it now than it did before. I planned to go to A&E on Sunday to get it checked out, but I wimped out because it wasn't an emergency.
And then there's my back. I don't know if other people have this, but you know when you lie flat on your back for a long time and then move, your lower back starts to hurt? Well I get that a lot. I'm guessing it's more strain because of my weight. Yesterday I woke up with this same pain, and it didn't go away. At all. All day. I sat at my desk for a while, but it hurt too much. The only time my back didn't hurt was when I was stood up, but then my ankle hurt too much. I ended up lying on my side in a banana on my bed for most of the day, which was a little boring. I tried to have a hot bath, but had difficulty bending over to turn the taps on, let alone climb into the tub. Early this morning I woke up and my back was feeling better, though there was still a twinge, so I took the opportunity to have a bath. It felt a lot better in the water, so did my ankle. If the bath wasn't too short for me, I'd stay in there forever.
But now I'm out of the bath and sitting up again, the pain is back. I want to lie down but if I do I'll be stuck again. Yesterday when I was laying down I needed to get up and it took me twenty minutes.
All this is not good. I have an appointment with my GP at 11.30 this morning. I'm a little apprehensive about it. I have a horrible feeling that when I stepped too heavily on the stairs I split the chip in my bone and they're going to put me a cast. I have no idea at all what the Dr is going to say about my back. I know for a fact though that I'll have to put up with the you-need-to-lose-weight lecture. I KNOW THAT! I'm working on losing the weight, but in the meantime, I can't move.
Speaking of which, I only have an hour and a half until my appointment. It's gonna take me almost twice that long to get off the bed, get dressed and hobble across the road to the doctors. Wish me luck.
Guess Which Movie Series I've Been Watching
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
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"Of all the souls I have encountered on my travels, his was the most... human."
"Surrender his wessel."
"Admiral! There be whales here!"
"I know this ship like the back of my hand." *thunk*
"Life forms, you tiny little life forms, you precious little life forms, where are you?"
"Timeline? This is no time to argue about time! We don't have the time."
"Definitely not Swedish."
"You told him about the statue?"
"Assimilate this!"
"I'm afraid you won't survive to witness the victory of the echo over the voice."
"Surrender his wessel."
"Admiral! There be whales here!"
"I know this ship like the back of my hand." *thunk*
"Life forms, you tiny little life forms, you precious little life forms, where are you?"
"Timeline? This is no time to argue about time! We don't have the time."
"Definitely not Swedish."
"You told him about the statue?"
"Assimilate this!"
"I'm afraid you won't survive to witness the victory of the echo over the voice."
New Thing: Challenge # 7
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Cel'eena Cree
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Challenge 7 - List 10 things every day that make me happy
I failed this one too, miserably. Of course, choosing this one mid-episode probably wasn't a good idea. Which brings me to something I've been thinking about. How I pick the challenges. At the moment I've been going through the list and picking one that seems doable, but that doesn't seem very challengy to me. So I think I'm going to write them all down on different pieces of paper and put them in a jar. Pick them at random.
Of course, some have to be done on a specific date. There are two I specifically want to do while I'm down in Basingstoke with my sister, so they'll be definite dates. Like Cookie Palooza this weekend! I'll keep you informed as I go.
Current saved total: £10
Current donated total: £25
I failed this one too, miserably. Of course, choosing this one mid-episode probably wasn't a good idea. Which brings me to something I've been thinking about. How I pick the challenges. At the moment I've been going through the list and picking one that seems doable, but that doesn't seem very challengy to me. So I think I'm going to write them all down on different pieces of paper and put them in a jar. Pick them at random.
Of course, some have to be done on a specific date. There are two I specifically want to do while I'm down in Basingstoke with my sister, so they'll be definite dates. Like Cookie Palooza this weekend! I'll keep you informed as I go.
Current saved total: £10
Current donated total: £25
New Thing: Challenge # 6
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Cel'eena Cree
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Challenge 6 - list 50 animals beginning with the letter S in 5 Minutes
This is so not as easy as it sounds. I got 14. 14! And even three hours later I'd only added one more.
Squirrel
Seahorse
Sealion
Seal
Staffordshire Bull
Snail
Seagull
Shetland Pony
Squirrel Monkey
Snowleopard
Sandpiper
Sloth
Sabre Tooth Tiger (iffy)
Snake
Sheep
My twelve year old sister is doing some of these challenges too, and for this one I set her 30 animals in 10 minutes. She finished it, but admitted to me that she'd had the help of two adults and two different types of dictionary. Little cheat.
Current saved total: £10
Current donated total: £20
This is so not as easy as it sounds. I got 14. 14! And even three hours later I'd only added one more.
Squirrel
Seahorse
Sealion
Seal
Staffordshire Bull
Snail
Seagull
Shetland Pony
Squirrel Monkey
Snowleopard
Sandpiper
Sloth
Sabre Tooth Tiger (iffy)
Snake
Sheep
My twelve year old sister is doing some of these challenges too, and for this one I set her 30 animals in 10 minutes. She finished it, but admitted to me that she'd had the help of two adults and two different types of dictionary. Little cheat.
Current saved total: £10
Current donated total: £20
Meds kicking in
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
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I've been without internet for a few days because I reached the limit on my dongle. That's reset itself now, and my Virgin landline is active so I should be getting broadband soon. With any luck all my internet woes will be over. My other woes, however... well they're still in effect.
It's been a very weird few weeks. Being off my meds is never fun; having an episode is never fun; Neil having an episode is never fun; having severe ankle pain is never fun. All kinds of things are not fun. And when they all happen at the same time it's horrible. The fact that I haven't been able to see Neil in a while, and being off my meds, has dragged what is usually a two day episode in a several week one. I'm not used to drawn out episodes. I really don't like them. But I've been back on my meds for a week now, so they should kick in any time soon. And to be honest, now that this weekend is over with, I'll be able to deal with the whole Neil thing better. Though not as well as I will once I see him again.
This weekend was my first anniversary with Neil. We've been dating for two years, two months and three weeks. But it was off and on. We've been dating without a break for a year, now. And it was a big deal for me because I've never actually had a first year anniversary with anyone, which is pretty pathetic, but true. And I promised Neil that he never had to even acknowledge another anniversary, as long as we recognised this one. And then along came his episode. He's been saying for weeks now that he'd be down soon, and then giving dates, and then not showing. Was he here this weekend? No he was sodding not.
I'm not angry at him. I know it isn't his fault that his episodes manifest like this. I'm angry at the situation. I miss him like crazy. I haven't seen him since my episode started, and that just makes me feel ten times worse. When I episode I get paranoid and insecure and I'm terrified that I'm never going to see him again. It's a completely irrational fear, but it's there nonetheless. I can sort it by the end of the month. Next weekend I'm in Basingstoke, but after that, if he doesn't come here I'm going there, and there's nothing he can do to stop me. He can't get away from me that easily. *Insert crazy evil laugh here*
Aside from the combined episode, and missing Neil, things haven't been too bad. Last week at Slimming World I lost three lbs, although I have no idea how. Not sure I'm going to repeat it this week. I'm not eating properly, or healthily. It's kinda hard to do when you're in the midst of a depressive episode, and it's even harder to do when you have no fridge or freezer in which to store fresh or frozen food. And it's hard to exercise when your ankle is playing up.
Which is the other big issue in my life at the moment. My sodding ankle. It's been aching a LOT more than normal. I don't think it's stopped since before I went to America to be honest. And the other day I stepped too heavily on the stairs and had excruciating pain for a day or two. Last night I woke up crying because it hurt so much. I need to see a doctor about it really. I've spoken to GPs about it before, but they all tell me I need to lose weight. I'm working on it. See paragraph above. I was tempted to go to A&E today, see if they'd do anything, but I chickened out in the end. I feel silly for going when it's not an emergency. Stupid sodding foot. I want to chop the damn thing off, but Neil and Cayden quite rightly point out that I'd probably get phantom limb pain.
I don't really have much more to write about, although I think I could randomly ramble on for ages. I just wanted to let all my millions of loyal readers know that I'm still alive and although I've had a rough month, I'm getting better.
It's been a very weird few weeks. Being off my meds is never fun; having an episode is never fun; Neil having an episode is never fun; having severe ankle pain is never fun. All kinds of things are not fun. And when they all happen at the same time it's horrible. The fact that I haven't been able to see Neil in a while, and being off my meds, has dragged what is usually a two day episode in a several week one. I'm not used to drawn out episodes. I really don't like them. But I've been back on my meds for a week now, so they should kick in any time soon. And to be honest, now that this weekend is over with, I'll be able to deal with the whole Neil thing better. Though not as well as I will once I see him again.
This weekend was my first anniversary with Neil. We've been dating for two years, two months and three weeks. But it was off and on. We've been dating without a break for a year, now. And it was a big deal for me because I've never actually had a first year anniversary with anyone, which is pretty pathetic, but true. And I promised Neil that he never had to even acknowledge another anniversary, as long as we recognised this one. And then along came his episode. He's been saying for weeks now that he'd be down soon, and then giving dates, and then not showing. Was he here this weekend? No he was sodding not.
I'm not angry at him. I know it isn't his fault that his episodes manifest like this. I'm angry at the situation. I miss him like crazy. I haven't seen him since my episode started, and that just makes me feel ten times worse. When I episode I get paranoid and insecure and I'm terrified that I'm never going to see him again. It's a completely irrational fear, but it's there nonetheless. I can sort it by the end of the month. Next weekend I'm in Basingstoke, but after that, if he doesn't come here I'm going there, and there's nothing he can do to stop me. He can't get away from me that easily. *Insert crazy evil laugh here*
Aside from the combined episode, and missing Neil, things haven't been too bad. Last week at Slimming World I lost three lbs, although I have no idea how. Not sure I'm going to repeat it this week. I'm not eating properly, or healthily. It's kinda hard to do when you're in the midst of a depressive episode, and it's even harder to do when you have no fridge or freezer in which to store fresh or frozen food. And it's hard to exercise when your ankle is playing up.
Which is the other big issue in my life at the moment. My sodding ankle. It's been aching a LOT more than normal. I don't think it's stopped since before I went to America to be honest. And the other day I stepped too heavily on the stairs and had excruciating pain for a day or two. Last night I woke up crying because it hurt so much. I need to see a doctor about it really. I've spoken to GPs about it before, but they all tell me I need to lose weight. I'm working on it. See paragraph above. I was tempted to go to A&E today, see if they'd do anything, but I chickened out in the end. I feel silly for going when it's not an emergency. Stupid sodding foot. I want to chop the damn thing off, but Neil and Cayden quite rightly point out that I'd probably get phantom limb pain.
I don't really have much more to write about, although I think I could randomly ramble on for ages. I just wanted to let all my millions of loyal readers know that I'm still alive and although I've had a rough month, I'm getting better.
Information for swap partners
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
comments (1)
Switch Cleo - About Me
Format shamelessly stolen from Holistic Knitter
Here is load of stuff about me - stuff for swap partners - my likes and dislikes!
About me:
I’m 28, with a long distance friend/boyfriend. I live in a flat with my scatty cats Smudge and Lexie. I’ve experimented with university, but find I’m much more suited for life as a stay at home crafter. I have plans to set up an Etsy shop with my best friend this year.
Email and Web addresses:
Email – English.firestorm1982@googlemail.com
Blog – http://randomramblingsofceleenacree.blogspot.com
Facebook – www.facebook.com/cleohorsburgh
Ravelry name – Switchcleo
My favourite colours:
Purple. Purple, purple, purple. Lavender, mauve, violet, indigo, etc. I also like black, grey and turquoise.
Colours I don’t like:
Pink. I can’t stand pink, in any varieties.
Fabrics I like:
I’m open really. I’ve recently started doing some crafts with fat quarters, usually in purples and blacks and whites. I love spots and stripes.
Yarns I like:
I adore merino, but I’m happy with any yarn, any fabric, as long as it’s pretty.
Yarns I do not like:
No eyelash yarn or fun fur. Can’t stand the stuff.
Jewellery:
I like silver coloured jewellery, and don’t wear gold. I love amethysts too.
Sizes:
HUGE! I’m slightly larger than your average bear, but I’m working on it. I have big hands, and UK size 8 feet.
Scents I like:
Vanilla, violet, strawberry, jasmine.
Scents I don’t like:
Coffee, lavender, cherry.
Crafts I do:
Knit, crochet, cross-stitch, blackwork, stitch-markers, beading, a little bit of hand sewing, would machine sew if I had a decent machine, recently tarted looking into making chain mail.
Things I collect:
Monkeys, stationary, buttons, ribbons, postcards, sew on badges, pins/buttons/badges, wall hanging photo frames, quotes, stickers, beads, Guiding and Scouting badges from around the world, letter writing paper.
Things I would like to receive:
All of the things I’ve already mentioned, plus chocolate, patterns, candles, pens. I’m very easy to please.
Things I wouldn’t like:
Anything that tastes like cherry or coffee.
Other things I do:
I spend a lot of time on the internet.
I love to organize and sort and write lists.
I play with my barmy kitten and my crazy rabbit.
I play on the Wii, and do aerobics videos from Youtube.
I used to go swimming and camping a lot, but not so much at the moment due to an ankle injury. I’d like to do it more though.
I love going to the theatre and the cinema.
Books I read:
Pattern books for crochet, knitting, embroidery. Vampire/werewolf/supernatural novels. Fantasy stuff. Terry Pratchett.
Favourite tastes:
Strawberry, milk chocolate, white chocolate, Peanut Butter M&Ms, Reeses, nuts, strawberry Twizzlers.
Tastes I don’t like:
Coffee, cherry, licorice, jelly beans.
I hope all this helps. You can always ask!!
Format shamelessly stolen from Holistic Knitter
Here is load of stuff about me - stuff for swap partners - my likes and dislikes!
About me:
I’m 28, with a long distance friend/boyfriend. I live in a flat with my scatty cats Smudge and Lexie. I’ve experimented with university, but find I’m much more suited for life as a stay at home crafter. I have plans to set up an Etsy shop with my best friend this year.
Email and Web addresses:
Email – English.firestorm1982@googlemail.com
Blog – http://randomramblingsofceleenacree.blogspot.com
Facebook – www.facebook.com/cleohorsburgh
Ravelry name – Switchcleo
My favourite colours:
Purple. Purple, purple, purple. Lavender, mauve, violet, indigo, etc. I also like black, grey and turquoise.
Colours I don’t like:
Pink. I can’t stand pink, in any varieties.
Fabrics I like:
I’m open really. I’ve recently started doing some crafts with fat quarters, usually in purples and blacks and whites. I love spots and stripes.
Yarns I like:
I adore merino, but I’m happy with any yarn, any fabric, as long as it’s pretty.
Yarns I do not like:
No eyelash yarn or fun fur. Can’t stand the stuff.
Jewellery:
I like silver coloured jewellery, and don’t wear gold. I love amethysts too.
Sizes:
HUGE! I’m slightly larger than your average bear, but I’m working on it. I have big hands, and UK size 8 feet.
Scents I like:
Vanilla, violet, strawberry, jasmine.
Scents I don’t like:
Coffee, lavender, cherry.
Crafts I do:
Knit, crochet, cross-stitch, blackwork, stitch-markers, beading, a little bit of hand sewing, would machine sew if I had a decent machine, recently tarted looking into making chain mail.
Things I collect:
Monkeys, stationary, buttons, ribbons, postcards, sew on badges, pins/buttons/badges, wall hanging photo frames, quotes, stickers, beads, Guiding and Scouting badges from around the world, letter writing paper.
Things I would like to receive:
All of the things I’ve already mentioned, plus chocolate, patterns, candles, pens. I’m very easy to please.
Things I wouldn’t like:
Anything that tastes like cherry or coffee.
Other things I do:
I spend a lot of time on the internet.
I love to organize and sort and write lists.
I play with my barmy kitten and my crazy rabbit.
I play on the Wii, and do aerobics videos from Youtube.
I used to go swimming and camping a lot, but not so much at the moment due to an ankle injury. I’d like to do it more though.
I love going to the theatre and the cinema.
Books I read:
Pattern books for crochet, knitting, embroidery. Vampire/werewolf/supernatural novels. Fantasy stuff. Terry Pratchett.
Favourite tastes:
Strawberry, milk chocolate, white chocolate, Peanut Butter M&Ms, Reeses, nuts, strawberry Twizzlers.
Tastes I don’t like:
Coffee, cherry, licorice, jelly beans.
I hope all this helps. You can always ask!!
Quiet blogger
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
comments (0)
I've been quite quiet recently, even though there's been lots and lots on my mind. I've been having an extended episode and things aren't quite as wonderful as I'd like them to be in my lovely new home. I have all sorts I want to ramble on about, but at the moment I can't even find the enthusiasm to do that. I've had the chaotic-desperate-choking-crying-and-binging-and-other-dodgy-things part of the episode, and now I'm in the don't-really-care-anymore part. Maybe I'll write about it later.
Just letting you all know I'm still alive.
Just letting you all know I'm still alive.
New Thing: Challenge # 5
Posted by
Cel'eena Cree
comments (0)
Challenge 5 - host a Pot Luck dinner party
I did this as my housewarming party for the new flat. I invited lots and lots of people, but unfortunately my friend base has shrunk significantly. Neil wasn't well enough to come, and Charlotte had to revise all weekend, so it ended up being just Cayden, Jen and myself. But it was a wonderful night. Both guests brought some scrummy yummy foods, and we all successfully ruined our diets. Alfie provided hours of entertainment for us all, although I won't mention some of it because it'll spark horror among the animal rights people. I will say though, that kittens really do like yarn.
Current saved total: £10
Current donated total: £15
I did this as my housewarming party for the new flat. I invited lots and lots of people, but unfortunately my friend base has shrunk significantly. Neil wasn't well enough to come, and Charlotte had to revise all weekend, so it ended up being just Cayden, Jen and myself. But it was a wonderful night. Both guests brought some scrummy yummy foods, and we all successfully ruined our diets. Alfie provided hours of entertainment for us all, although I won't mention some of it because it'll spark horror among the animal rights people. I will say though, that kittens really do like yarn.
Current saved total: £10
Current donated total: £15
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