Naked Babies

On my list of blogs to check everyday is the newly listed patterns on Ravelry. I found one today that I just had to share with you. It's a baby hat, and I'm not particularly interested in making it. I just thought the picture was adorable.



There are a lot of naked babies on Ravelry. This one made me giggle.

FREE GIFT!!!

Hey there. I'm sure you've all heard me mention my etsy store?



If you go there before the end of April 2012 and buy ANYTHING, you get a free pattern of your choice :-) All you have to do is message us once you've paid and let us know which pattern you want.

And... you can get a pattern without any purchase at all! All you have to do is blog about this current offer, and send me a link so I can have a nose.

2012 Fantabulous Things: 51-75

51) Making a new friend - this is actually in reference to someone specific. She knows who she is.. hopelyy :-)

52) Making something for free that could cost £50. I made myself a nice Yarn Swift out of pegs and coat hangers!

53) Man hugs - I miss these. Very much.

54) Michael Mcintyre - A very funny man, whom I will hopefully be going to see in October - depending on currently dire financial situations.


55) Michaela - my baby baby sister. Otherwise known as Sprogget or Sproggetibog.

56) Mini mochi yarn - Just look at it!!! I'm making a blanket out of it.



57) Mint Vienetta - yummy yummy yum yum.

58) Misfits - brilliant TV show. I thought it'd suffer from the loss of Nathan, but the new guy is kinda funny.

59) Money - so much better when you actually have some.

60) Musty smell of an old book

61) My Family - I do love my family, but in this instance I mean the tv show.

62) Nathan Fillion - the man is pure genius. And sooooo hot.



63) Neil - when I initially added him to this list it was for very very different reazsons, but I still mean it.

64) Once upon a time - the new tv show

65) Parmesan roasted potatoes - they're delicious. I don't think I've had normal roast potatoes since I discovered the recipe.

66) Peanut butter m&ms - unfortunately they aren't available in the UK :(

67) Penguins

68) Penn and Teller - GENIUS!


69) Piles of christmas presents

70) Planning trips

71) Pleasant dreams

72) QI - the most incredible non-fiction show ever

73) Raising hope - another brilliant show

74) Ravelry - not sure how I ever managed without that site

75) Receiving swap packages

Good News!!!

Our Etsy store has made its first sale :-) One of our patterns went. Technically it's nothing of mine. The one thing Cayden had time to finish before we opened, and he sells first.

But it's a start!

The Problem with Blogging

I have Depression. This is not news to anybody. Probably also not-news is that I have anxiety issues, self-esteem issues, leaving-the-house issues.... I try very hard to avoid the real world as much as I can. The real world is scary. I can very rarely leave the house without getting some kind of insult from the general public. So I avoid going out. I live my life on my beloved internet. It seems safe to me.

I'm not silly. I am aware that the internet is not particularly safe, and that there are a large percentage of dicks out there. But I avoid those areas. I don't read the comments on videos or memes, I don't go to chat rooms really, and I only use one forum-site (that has strict politeness rules). I manage to keep away from the nasty, and so the internet has become somewhere safe. Somewhere I can find a friend to talk to who will make me feel better, or even good about myself.

And then this week I received a comment on my blog. Someone felt the need to write a nice long comment ripping into me, posted on a blog I'd written about how I generally felt like crap but was trying hard to overcome it.

I've been episoding for several weeks now, and the littlest things can affect me quite badly. Since I received that email alert, I've been afraid to come onto my blog. I was pushed back into a fugue that I was beginning to drag myself out of.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this blog, really. I just feel the need to write. And that's the purpose for my blog. Somewhere for me to rant and ramble and post my acheivements and my failures. I've always loved that blogs provide the possibility that absolutely anyone could read it, but at the moment I'm a little cautious.

I could, of course, disable commenting on my blog. But I won't. I get quite a few very nice, supportive, friendly comments that keep me going. I have deleted the offending comment, and I'm trying very hard to move on. There are valid arguments against everything the commenter said, and even if there weren't I have no reason to value the opinion of someone who makes me feel bad.

To whomever Chronic Misanthropy is... my short, crude response is "fuck off". If you don't like my blog, don't like reading about my life, then DON'T SMEGGING READ IT!

Something that upsets me most, if the possibility that this may be someone I know in real life. If you are someone I know, who feels the need to post anonymous comments on my blog rather than confront me with the way you feel, then please please come forward. Let me know who you are, so I can return the favour and tell you exactly what I think of you.

A Christmas Prayer

I'm not a religious person, but I do consider myself to be kind of spiritual. I don't believe in God, but I believe in an unknown higher power. And I'd like, now that I've finished with all the food and the presents and the Christmas tv, to take a minute to send out a virtual prayer-type message.

I've been incredibly blessed this year, by all the generous people on Ravelry who've sent me enough presents to keep me occupied unwrapping for hours. And there are over a hundred Christmas cards adorning the walls of my home. A lot of the time I feel so very lonely, and it's times like this when I realise I'm not. They may not be next door, or even a text message away, but there are a lot of people out there who care what happens to me. And I am so immensely thankful to that unknown higher power for that.

I'm thankful for my family. Even though we've become even more fragmented in recent months, I still love my family, and I know that they love me. And I'm thankful for my friends. Consistent friends, friends who drifted but are returning, and brand shiny new ones. All of you are amazing, and you keep me going.

I'm thankful for the Internet too. As a depressive shut-in, the Internet is my lifeline. I don't get a thousand visitors a minute on this blog, but just knowing that my words are out there and have the possibility of being read by anyone, makes me feel important.

Merry Christmas to all you people out there. I hope you've had a good day, and I hope that tomorrow is good, and the next day and the next day. I hope that you are loved, and that you love. I hope that you enjoy what you do, whatever you do. I hope that you can smile occasionally and realise that perhaps life isn't so bad after all.

Celeena Cree Creations

Guess what I got in the post this week. Well, aside from a bunch of Christmas cards and a couple of swap packages (now residing under my Christmas tree)... these arrived.



The official open date for my Etsy store is January 1st 2012. Plans for this month include finalising the PDFs for the patterns I've created, nagging Cayden until he gets round to giving me the things he's made for the store, finishing off some beading pieces and photographing everything on our nice background.

I'm very excited :D I'm not expecting to make millions, but I'd like to get some business at least. Pass on the word!

Project 200 - 52/148

I finished another project piece... finally!



I'm not too sure how I feel about this one. There's a bit of a story to go with it. When I was putting together the list of projects for the challenge, I picked a cross stitch piece of the mask from the Phantom of the Opera. When I actually decided to work that piece I had a problem. There was shading... about four different colours, but no key. I didn't know which colours to use. I couldn't remember where I'd gotten the pattern from. Somewhere on the internet, ages and ages ago. I googled, a lot. I searched for a couple of days to try and find the pattern again, so I could find the key, but I couldn't find it anywhere. So I redrew it. Sketched the shape a billion times until it was right, then added some shading. But I only used one shade other than the white, and I'm not an artist so I don't know the art of shading. But I did it. And I stitched it, eventually.

Half of me isn't sure it turned out too well, but I look at it sideways I think it worked. So I'm a little dubious, but it's done, so I can move on.

52 down
148 to go

Internet Disillusionment

I have a lot of mental issues. Aside from my depression, I also have a problem with agoraphobia. It's been a lot easier to manage in recent years, but ten years ago I'd have a panic attack whenever I left the house. So I didn't leave. I found comfort and companionship in the internet.

I LOVE the internet. You can find anything and everything you want somewhere online, and probably things you don't want to find too. There was a time when even if I didn't see or speak to a person in weeks, I was never lonely, because I had a whole community of friends online. From all over the world. So at any time of day or night, whatever was on my mind, I always had someone to talk to.

Things have changed a lot since then. I moved, and my agoraphobia subsided. I went to university, I met people IRL. I became a little more normal. But then I had my big breakdown, and dropped out of university, and had major money issues, and stopped getting regular bus tickets, and stopped going out and...

I deny it. Whenever anyone mentions that I don't go out, I tell them that it's just because I have nowhere to go. But it's more than that. I don't WANT to go out. I don't have anywhere to go, but I could go for a walk. I started to, when I was activating the Puppy Plan. Then I broke up with Neil and didn't go out for walks anymore. A part of me wants to go out for a walk, but a bigger part of me really, REALLY doesn't want to leave the house. There are lots of things I could do. I could use £3 on a payday to get a dayrider and ride the buses around randomly... I enjoy that. Or I could go for a walk. I could just go and sit on the grass across the road and read a damn book. But I don't want to. I'm lonely, but Inside is safe, and Outside is not. I don't know what I think will happen. I just want to stay indoors where I'm safe. And yes, I'm fully aware that this is a problem that needs dealing with, but it's not actually why I'm writing.

I've lived in solitude before, and wasn't lonely. But I'm lonely now. In the past I've had "text harems". A dozen people I could text when I was feeling blue, or just bored. Now there are 41 contacts on my phone and only 9 of them are actual people as opposed to businesses. Most of those are family. There are precisely three people I can talk to when I'm bored or miserable. One is too busy with work. One is my exboyfriend who I'm still in love with and probably shouldn't even be talking to. One currently has enough problems of his own.

Aside from missing the text harem, the internet is starting to feel like a lonely place too. I talk to dozens of people, but mostly on the Ravelry swaps I run, and people there are usually annoyed with me being so OCD and persistent about my listkeeping and checks. My MSN contacts list has only a few people on it, and most of them are never online (or have me blocked). I have 37 friends on Facebook, and nearly all of them are family. Social networking is HUGE at the moment... so how come I don't have any friends? Am I really that repulsive that even my online persona isn't worth talking to?

2nd Blogaversary

Monday 29th November was the 2nd Anniversary of my blog :D

Random Act of Kindness

I love living in my flat on my own with Smudge. I know people are worried about the fact that I tend to isolate myself in here, and that I don't really go out more than once a fortnight on payday, but I'm quite happy with it. I like my own company, I like being safe from the world and its nastiness. But I do get lonely sometimes. Particularly when the post comes. I tend to only get bills, or junk mail. So often I won't go check it for days at a time.

Related to the post issue, I was concerned that I'd only get one or two Christmas cards this year (like last year), so I put a plea out on Ravelry. I run a couple of swap groups, one of which is huge! So I explained my situation and asked if anyone would send me a card.

Yesterday, I received a wonderful Halloween card from the girl who posts notebooks to me every fortnight. Her address was on the envelope, so I will most definitely write back to her at some point. But my favouritiest piece of post yesterday absolutely made my day.

First of all, the little package looked like this...



Is that not the most gorgeous package ever?! And it had this on the back...



There was no return address, I don't recognise the postcode or the handwriting either. Inside there was this adorable little guy.



There was no note, only this tag attacked to his foot.



I suppose it might be from anyone, but I do suspect it's a Raveler. I could investigate, but for now I'm not going to. I'm just going to say thank you. It really cheered me up :-)

30 Day Meme - Day 15

Day 15 - a fanfic

I haven't read any fanfiction in years. Partly because I nearly always end up reading the more risque stuff, which works as well as porn for me. I'm trying not to think too much about that kind of thing at the moment, what with my visits with Neil being incredibly sporadic.

In general though, I think fanfiction is a wonderful invention. I guess it must have been around before the internet, but possibly not shared quite as much. Isn't the internet wonderful? My favourite thing about the internet is the same as my favourite thing about New York City. Anything you can think of, any combination of anything at all, can be found there somewhere. This applies especially to fanfiction. Any book, tv series, film, cartoon, comic, etc. that you can think of, you can find fanfiction for somewhere on the internet. And if, by some slim, infintesimal chance you can't find it, then you can write it. The delight of the internet means you can write it and publish it and hundreds of thousands of people can search for it and find it and read it.

Have I written any fanfiction? Well, I tend to think fanfiction an awful lot. The number of fantasies I've had about Clark Kent, or the guys from Supernatural, or the grown-up Harry Potter characters, of the Buffy Scooby-Gang. But when I try to write them down afterwards, they just aren't as good as my fantasy was. Somewhere though, I do have a book which has the beginnings of a Harry Potter fanfiction. It's meant to be a novel, and I started it before book seven came out. I have a plot drafted out, and I even have chapter titles. Unfortunately I only have about three hundred words of the actual book. It's been sidelined, along with everything else I've ever started writing, when the writer's block kicked in. One day I'll get back to it. I'll probably publish it when I'm 90, if I ever make it that far.

New Thing: Challenge # 34

Challenge 34: 101 snapshots challenge

A long, long, long time ago, when I was researching ideas for New Things and Challenges, I stumbled across this. A 100 Snapshots Challenge. For those too lazy to follow the link, the idea is that you're given 100 words and have to take a photo for each word. Except that they aren't simple things like "chair", or "cat".

1. Safety
2. Stale
3. Feathered
4. Hot
5. Open
6. Forever
7. Love
8. Touch
9. Colorless
10. Blue
11. Smell
12. Growth
13. Irony
14. Wrong
15. More
16. Feel
17. Muse
18. Child
19. Within
20. Pale
21. Earth
22. Torn
23. Scars
24. Stray
25. Drops
26. Against
27. Dry
28. Fresh
29. Covered
30. Bold
31. High
32. Shadow
33. Concrete
34. Vein
35. Rush
36. Yellow
37. Empty
38. Cliché
39. Central
40. Loss
41. Wonder
42. Sweet
43. Poetry
44. Heavy
45. Fall
46. Chair
47. Statue
48. Kool-Aid
49. Dark
50. Breath
51. Garbage
52. Silk
53. Teacher
54. Cream
55. Wash
56. Corner
57. Rose
58. Field
59. Two
60. Red
61. Music
62. Rope
63. Decrepit
64. Chase
65. Dream
66. Dance
67. Smile
68. Smirk
69. Reflection
70. Soul
71. Lock
72. Key
73. Rust
74. Find
75. Lose
76. Drag
77. Wind
78. Rest
79. Swing
80. Meeting
81. Vacant
82. Hazy
83. Release
84. Gather
85. Swarm
86. Road
87. Wait
88. Stand
89. Distance
90. Trapped
91. Desk
92. Detach
93. Shatter
94. Home
95. Shy
96. Tackle
97. Begin
98. End
99. Time
100. Life

My interest in photography fluctuates wildly, but this is something that I'd like to complete. So I decided to give myself four weeks for this one, based on how often I get out of the house. Except that my depression has been pretty bad recently and I've been getting out of the house even less than usual. I came up with some ideas for some of them, but took a grand total of... zero photographs.

Not only was it a fail, it was an epic fail.

I do like photography though. A while ago I even did a City & Guilds in it - although it was mostly film. The thing is, when it comes to digital photography, I'm not very good at it. I don't pay enough attention to lighting, so I attempt to take photos in my living room with it's energy saving light bulb. Then I wonder why they aren't any good. I've looked at some courses, but with my financial situation in the major mess it is at the moment, I can't afford to go anywhere, let alone pay for a course. Maybe I'll look for a free online one. You can find anything online these days.

The point of my rambling being, that although I failed, it is one that I'd like to complete one day.

Current saved total: £70
Current donated total: £110

Pancake Fail

Since my baking was going so well, I decided to make some pancakes. American style pancakes, not flimsy-ass English ones. I used this recipe. The batter came out looking like cake mix, but I made one anyway.



And that's the good side. The bottom was burnt. It tasted okay though. Cayden and I thought about it and decided that yogurt must be thinner over there because the batter was just too thick. We added a splash of water and Cayden cooked up a few more. They were actually delicious, but the recipe is just too odd. I did some surfing and couldn't find a single other recipe that used yogurt rather than milk. So I'm going to try again one day, with milk.

My biggest problem isn't the recipe, or the batter. It's the cooking. I can't keep them round (even with the use of a handy pancake shaper thingy) and I can't not burn them. They're meant to look like this...



Not like my major pancake fail. Oh well, I'll just have to practice and practice and practice.

HSKS 11 - third week activity

This week's game is a scavenger hunt. Here are my results:

1) Campfire...

I found this ever so cute pattern from CraftyAnna on Etsy



2) Pinecone...

And I found a marvellous pattern for a pinecone at this website.



3) Bowtruckle...

And here's a pattern for a Bowtruckle, which was designed by a Dragonsinger (I suspect it's our very own Rowan Dragonsinger - aka my spoilee)



4) Candle...

Cute little candle pattern



5) Muggle trash...

Did you know that muggles keep monsters in their trash?



6) Water balloon...

I couldn't find a water balloon pattern, but I wanted to stick with my theme so I've bent the rules a little. Here's a water pattern and a balloons pattern




7) Edible plant...

Have some nummy strawberries



8) Creature that lives in the lake...

I'm so adding this kraken to my queue



9) Bird feather...

This time I've picked a gorgeous cross stitch pattern



10) Yarn...

Surprisingly, I couldn't find a pattern to make a ball of yarn, so I'm just going to use this pretty one instead.



11) Hogwarts/house pride item...

I'm going to my LYS to buy green and black yarn tomorrow! This is why. Go Slytherins!



12) Bathing suit...

Finally, here's a delicious old-fashioned bathing suit.

Apple, bacon and onion tart

This is an apple, bacon and onion tart from Evil Shenanigans and it's delicious. I put a little too much parmesan (twice what the recipe asked for) in the crust, but it tasted fine.

The good news is that the muffins weren't just a fluke, and apparently I can bake quite well. The bad news is that this tart is 8 weightwatchers points a slice, with 8 servings in the tart. Very, very pointy. But very, very delicious.

I Can Bake!!

Here, have some Bacon and Cheddar Muffins...



Since the whole banana cream pie process, I've been wanting to do much more baking. I make the mistake of looking for recipe blogs. Now I have a list of a bajillion recipes I've wanted to try. I started last night with these Bacon and Cheddar Muffins from Evil Shenanigans.

I was a little concerned, because I have a tendency to be catastrophic with my cooking, but it went well. All the ingredients in the right order, no burning, nothing wrong. And they looked great when they came out of the oven. And, even better, they were delicious!!

Ishmael

Months and months ago now I played Mad Scientist (aka Moderator) for a circle of travelling creatures. The idea being you make a body, then you send it on to the next person on the circle, who makes a head for it and sends it on, and so on. You get the body of the person before you and make a head for it, then you get the body and head of the person two places before you. When your creature gets back to you it's travelled all over the world (UK, USA and Korea in this case) and is completely insane looking.




Forgive the horrible pictures. A) I'm useless with a camera, and B) my digital camera is out of batteries.

Welcome to 2010

Here it is. We've left the Noughties and now we're in the... well, I'm not sure what we're calling this decade, but it's here anyway. New Decade, New Year. More resolutions. Turning a new page, blah blah blah.

Last year was a little rough on me in some ways, and absolutely brilliant in other ways, but I'm starting this one with some definite plans. I have a list and everything. (Are you shocked?) My biggest resolution is to be a whole lot better with my money. Last year I nearly blew a lot of opportunities and I got into a lot of trouble because I didn't save. If it hadn't been for Neil bailing me out constantly I'd have been screwed several times over. So this year I'm gonna start saving. Possibly. Going from bad-with-money to saving is a hell of a leap, so although that's my goal, I'll be happy if I can just pay my damn bills. It isn't that difficult. Billions of people pay bills every day, so why can't I?

I'm also going to find lots of classes and courses and groups and things to keep me busy. Family and friends are concerned that me dropping out of university means that I'm going to vanish into my room and become a hermit again. This is a very valid fear, especially with all the hilarious internet blogs I keep finding. But I have plans. There is a 10 week cookery class starting next week which I'm signing up for. There's a Silversmithing Jewellery class that starts in April, and a Fused Glass Jewellery class in May that I'm also interested in. There's an Open University creative writing course that I plan on joining, and a fiction writing one as well. There are a million courses I've found (or plan on finding) online - maths ones, shorthand, photography, use of photoshop, writing, etc. Yes, I know that online courses will technically keep me indoors, but stop being pedantic. As well as these classes, I still have Brownies on a Friday. I still go to Stitch and Bitch on a Thursday. Jen and I are planning on creating a non-university-affiliated Knit and Natter society on a Tuesday. I found a knitting society in a library in Biddulph, and a writing society, and I'm joining a reading group. I also want to do more quiz nights, so I'm keeping an eye out for those too.

I'm keeping to the annual standard resolution of "lose weight". I've put on a bit while I was, and I've been a whale for years. While I'm not too fussed with it, my weight does put pressure on my ankle and I have ovary problems that won't be helped either. If I ever want kids, I need to lose a significant amount of weight. So I'm going back to Weightwatchers. On that train of thought I plan on getting hold of a swimming costume that fits and going swimming regularly, and walking more regularly.

Creatively speaking - I had a minor breakthough the other night when curled up with Neil. I had to sit up and type and ended up with a promising paragraph or two. I'll look at it in a bit and see if I can make it into something. I'm going to do more writing exercises, and I will do more bloody writing, damnit! I'm doing weekly photography missions - this week's is to take fifty photos of things beginning with the letter C (next week's is bright pink) - to work on my photography skills, and after I made that video a while back for a new thing I had a craving to make more, so I might do some of them too.

And 52 New Things is continuing, in a new incarnation. This year is 52 Challenges. I've got a list of challenges (and will keep accepting more) and I plan on doing one a week. If I complete the challenge I put £5 into savings to spend at the end of year, and if I fail I donate the £5 to charity. Unless otherwise mentioned, the challenges have a deadline of one week. The first one has to do with watching a whole lot of movies, but I'll be blogging about the Challenges, just like I blogged about the New Things.

So you see, lots of plans to keep myself busy. I'm also hoping to move shortly. My plan for the past year or so has been to stay in this shared house until I graduate, then to move to Preston to be closer to Neil. This has changed. Now that I'm not going to graduate, I was tempted to move to Preston this year. When I got home after my trip away and Christmas at Mum's the state of this house appalled me. It's a long and messy story, and continues on from previous blogs I've written about hating living in a shared house. I moved into a shared home a year and a bit ago because living alone was driving me nuts. I've now discovered that living in a shared house drives me even more nuts. After discussion with Neil though, I've decided I'm not moving to Preston. He doesn't want to move in with me until after he's paid off his loan and that's likely to take another three years. I don't particularly want to leave all my friends and my life here in Stoke just yet, but I can't stand living in this house for another three years, so I'm getting a flat here until Neil is ready. I just need to find somewhere. As soon as is bloody possible. Depending on how it goes, you may get a nice long rant about this sometime soon.

I think that's it. Lots of plans. Mostly I just want to stay at a handle-able depression level. I want to stay with Neil. I want to stay in control of things. I want to be happy. And I wish you all the same. Apart from the Neil thing. He's mine. Back off.

My kids

Thanks to a wonderful site called Make me babies I know what mine and Neil's daughter will look like.



What do you think about my little new baby Jessalyn?
MakeMeBabies.com - What will your baby look like?

And here is my son...



What do you think about my little new baby Thomas?
MakeMeBabies.com - What will your baby look like?

And this is why I will not be having kids with myself...



What do you think about my little new baby Nicky?
MakeMeBabies.com - What will your baby look like?